Peace

So the other day I was sitting down with a really good friend and two other girls I'm just getting to know. They initiated it, and I'm really glad they did. We asked each other questions - kind of the typical, start-to-get-to-really-know-someone... like describe yourself in five words, how do you spend your free time, who are your some of your best friends and why, who has impacted you, etc.

One of the questions was what is your dream job. A question that is looming closer and closer on the horizon, and therefore feeling much less like a random question and much more real.

I thought about it, but there was none of the eternal turmoil I expected. (Wow, Freudian slip? I intended to write "internal turmoil...") For the past two years, another friend and I have dubbed my seemingly conflicting interests as my "trilemma" - my interests in tech/media, history/writing, and missions - rather distinct fields. But now I'm seeing God began to stitch these random pieces together.

I really found only two desires in my heart and mind. First, my dream job would be to get paid to go around (the States and the world) talking about missions - mobilizing missions, getting other people to understand and participate in this desire God has to see the nations know and glorify Him.

At the same time I want to be a wife and mother.

And then I named some other interests that I wouldn't mind making doing as a job (though perhaps not a lifelong career). I'm not sure what my journey will look like yet.

• I wouldn't be opposed to teaching history/geography/worldviews for several years and mobilizing missions in the context of a Christian high school.
  
  
• I have a passion for media and tech. Again, I'm not sure exactly was this will look like, but I feel called to use media to help mobilize missions.
  
  
• Along the same lines, I'm also passionate about using media to see the Church reclaim the arts and the power of good storytelling. Whether my involvement in this comes from my interest in writing or media/tech or simply supporting those who do this much better than I ever could, I want to be involved.
  
  
• I still think it would be cool to be a Biblical archaeologist (goes along with the inner history buff + theologian + childhood lover of all things dinosaur). But...haha yeah.
  

Realizing the solidarity of the passion in my heart was amazing. I don't think I really grasped it at the time, but having God's peace about what He has called me to do is beautiful.

Granted, I don't know how this will play out or what it will really end up looking like - still waiting for those details, but it is not as hard to wait when I know Whom I am waiting upon and the purpose for which I am waiting. As Mark Alexander wrote:

When we make God our North Star, we are guided precisely along the path He has prepared for us, even though we do not know where it leads.

Lead me, Jesus. You have my heart, my guts, everything I am.

Awe

I want to be in awe of my God.

We use the term rather lightly. I've sung a thousand times the words "I stand in awe" or "Our God is an awesome God." I am convinced over time words lose their original meaning, and nowhere do I find this so true as in the language we use to refer to God.

We are entering the High Holy days on the Jewish calendar, the Days of Awe. Tonight marked the beginning of Rosh ha-Shanah, the Feast of Trumpets, the Day of Sounding the Shofar, the New Year. In ten days, the Days of Awe will culminate in Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

'Awesome' is so much more than a word that substitutes a deluge of emotions we feel, usually about something good that has happened, a synonym with 'sweet' or 'great' or 'cool.' But in a sense, 'awe' describes a whole bundle of emotions that can't be so easily packaged in another word.


Shock
Fear Wonder Unknown Amazement Mystery Numbness Power Silence


What was it like to hear the very sound of God at Sinai? What was it like to see God walking among His people in a furnace? What was it like to see God raise the dead? What was it like to see God rout His enemies in a supernatural instant? What was it like to see the physical glory of God in the desert? What was it like to see God in human flesh? What was it like to see God-in-human-flesh transfigured to look like God? What was it like to see God die? What was it like to see God resurrected? What was it like to see God walk through walls? What was it like to be in awe?

I want to know God. I want to know the holy fear of God. I want to be transformed as I see God for who He is. I want to be in awe.