Waiting On God

EDIT: This is a couple weeks old, but still worth posting, I think.

I find that I can grasp a better perspective when I'm flying at 30,000 feet. The matters that are so pressing on the ground are mere specks, and I wonder what the whole universe must look like when God looks down. Sometimes I need to be reminded He's got the whole world in His hands.

Anyways, while flying home yesterday, I was journaling. I won't bore you with most of it, but something really stuck out to me.

See, for the past several years, when well-meaning people have asked some version of that dreaded question - what do you want to be when you grow up? - I've sketched the broad goal of my life as I know it and usually finish with something like, "I'm waiting on God to see what's next." And I've had multiple, unrelated people say almost the exact same thing: "Well, waiting on God is very good place to be in."

I smile and nod, because I know it's true, but the impatient part of me wants to mutter, "Oh yeah? It'd really be nice to know what's going on..."

But I think I've realized why I've never gotten it before. Here's what I wrote last night.

For far too long, I've been waiting on God to do something - to reveal His plan, or at least the next step, to open up a door, to direct friendships and relationships, or just to speak. But if I'm waiting on anything other than God Himself, I will never be satisfied, for nothing else can satisfy. But if my desire is God Himself, nothing else matters - where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing. I'm not waiting for the next big event or a list of instructions or for the right people to show up. I'm listening for God Himself and what He wants me to do in this moment. I'm walking in step with the Spirit, covered in the dust of the Rabbi. Indeed, waiting on God is a good place, a good state to be in. Waiting on God to do something I think He should do is a miserable state to be in, for it, by nature, cannot satisfy. Only God Himself can do that.

Psalm 62

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

Holy Rest

I think God has been trying to get my attention about this rest thing.

Of the Ten Commandments, I think I break 1 and 4 the most. Perhaps it is precisely because I do not take the time to rest that I forget to remember the LORD and keep Him at the center of my life. It's so much easier for me to stay in charge of my life when I don't slow down for anything.

Often it is a bout of sickness that slows me down and forces me to rest. This time, God in His sovereign grace, sent an ice storm.

A crazy ice storm has hit North Texas, and schools have been closed four days this week. Facebook tells me many of my friends are bored and stir crazy, but I'm not. This week has been a much needed time to catch up on life, on just being instead of constantly doing.

One of the issues I've been grappling with recently is this idea of rest, ceasing work, giving up everything. It's so foreign to me as an American - not doing anything so that God can do everything.

And then tonight, I was listening to Phil Vischer's talk at the Children's Pastors Conference last month. He is one of my heroes, for many reasons. Part of what he said resonated with me deeply.

I was reading Paul’s letter to Galatians – “but the fruit of the Spirit it is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.”

And for the first time it appeared to me what Paul meant. I mean, I was familiar with the fruit of the Spirit, but I had always kind of looked at it as an obligation, a duty, something else I had to do while I was saving the world. If you’re a Christian, you have to act loving, you have to act joyful, you have to be kind and patient and self-controlled. I looked at it sort of like homework – oh great, something else I have to do.

But now I saw what Paul really meant. If you’re filled with the Spirit, these attributes will flow out of you whether you want them to or not. For an apple tree, producing apples is not an obligation – it can’t be helped. No apple tree accidentally produces grapes and then says “Oh darn it, I messed up again.” An apple tree produces apples for the simple reason that it is an apple tree. And the Holy Spirit produces the fruit of the Spirit in the life of the believer for the simple reason that He is the Holy Spirit. If someone is filled with the Spirit, these attributes will fall out of him naturally and effortlessly. It can’t be avoided.

At last week's service, something struck me. There is this great line in the first verse of "In Christ Alone."

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

It struck me that the two are related. My fears are stilled when I cease striving, and surrender everything I am to Jesus. It is by surrendering and trusting Him that I "work out my salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose."

And so I hear His voice: Stop kicking against the goads. Trust Me. Let go.

Holy Respite

Tonight was a glorious respite from the insane busyness that has consumed me the past few weeks. Since Christmas break ended, I have been working nonstop. Between tutoring more kids than I can keep up with and helping with accreditation stuff at school, I've barely had time to breathe. Tonight, I was reminded why we are commanded to rest.

Of all things, a Facebook ad notified me that Tim Keller would be speaking tonight. I looked up the church, and as it was just a few minutes from where I would be tutoring, I decided to go.

A large, evangelical Anglican church was hosting the Anglican 1000 church planting summit. Tim Keller was speaking in two sessions of the conference and in the evening service open to the public. Many people came just to hear him, and left as soon as he finished. They missed a beautiful Choral Evensong service.

Tim Keller was great. I've read and listened to some of his stuff, and it's brilliant. Tonight was no exception. But I think the highlight for me was just the serenity and conviction of the Evensong service.

I love worshiping with drums and bass and electric guitar, blasting the latest of Hillsong or the like. But sometimes my soul needs the order of the high church service, not to mention the beauty of the organ and magnificent choir.

Stand, sit, and kneel with the Church universal. Soak in the the words that have been prayed millions of times across the millennia. Confess sin and rejoice in the truth of the gospel. Make a joyful noise and find hope in the peaceful silence. Be awakened to the glory of God and the beauty of His presence. Be still. Know that He is God. Know that He will be exalted in all the earth.

Glory to God the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end! Amen!