Leaving Part Two

I left Summit Semester and Snow Wolf Lodge for the second time today. It was much smoother than last year's departure. Saying goodbye to the staff and the lone remaining student wasn't fun, but it wasn't anything like the near despair of last year.

Being back at SWL was slightly overwhelming at first. There are so many memories that I will forever associate with a particular group of 27 students I call my Semester family. But it was also good to be with the class of 2010 and get to know them briefly. They are (were?) a great class, and I pray they transition well back into the real world.

It's possible that I may have soaked in more of this year's graduation than I did last year. Last year, I was so obsessed with getting the slide show video done that I didn't focus on much else for the last few days. Graduation was filled with high highs and low lows with the success of the video and the goodbyes that quickly followed.

This year was different. I had a week to process all the emotions of leaving, this time with a year of separation. In many ways, I want to treat this as a second chance to implement the lessons of Semester into everyday life in practical ways, such as intentionally making time for relationships, scheduling my time, and limiting media.

It was so good to again be at Snow Wolf Lodge and Summit Semester. It was different going back, kind of like Narnia. It will always be different, but it will be good. And like Narnia, trips to Snow Wolf Lodge are important in of themselves, but ultimately, the real test is how life is lived in the real world. It seems simple enough, but it much harder to live.

May I study well, live well, love well, and be faithful, for Christ and His Kingdom.

Summit Semester Take Two

I don't have the words for an eloquent post. I've already tried twice. But I do have a lot of raw emotion I want to process here. So here are some random thoughts.

• I'm back at Summit Semester, visiting for a week. It's kind of weird. Good, but oh so different. And yet, it's so similar at the exact same time.
  
  
• One year ago today, I pulled away from Snow Wolf Lodge, tears streaming down my cheeks. Today, I'm hanging out with the awesome class of 2010, watching them process all of the emotions that come with their graduation week.
  
  
• Time is a funny thing. In some ways, Semester feels like it was a lifetime ago, almost like a dream. In other ways, it seems like it was just yesterday.
  
  
• I'm glad to be back at Snow Wolf Lodge, even without all the people my memories are associated with. I've spent a good deal of time just staring at the stars. I haven't really seen those in a year. There is peace, stillness, quietness that I haven't heard in a long time.
  
  
• As much as I love the geographic location of Snow Wolf Lodge, it's really the people that make Summit Semester. I miss the community of 2009. This morning I again hugged friends goodbye as they left to return to school after a whirlwind roadtrip. I'm grateful for the opportunity to linger a few days longer, but I wasn't prepared for how very different it feels with new nametags on the doors and different faces in the halls.
  
  
• That being said, I'm glad to get to know this class of 2010 at least a little bit. There are really great kids here. In some ways, nothing has changed. Some thirty young people have again gathered, absorbing all the knowledge their minds can hold, joyfully enjoying friendships, and asking the hardest questions of life. I've already had several great conversations, and I'm looking forward to more in the days to come.
  
  
• As I walked the road and looked at the stars the first evening we arrived, I was struck by something very significant. I'm not the same person that walked down this road a year ago. I distinctly remember one particular walk down that road with Naomi as I wrestled to understand what it means to trust God. A year later, the answers to "what's next" aren't any closer. But my heart is at peace. I can say with confidence that my God is good, and I can and will trust Him when I don't know where we're going.
  
  
• I can't express the impact Summit Semester made on my life. I learned so much and experienced a lot of growth. So I was almost surprised when God showed me something as I walked along the road. I've grown more in Carrollton this past year than I did at Semester. I guess in some ways that shouldn't be a surprise, but I wasn't expecting to discover that. This past year has been hard, in many ways. But having come to a milestone of this season of my life, I can look back and see growth that definitely wasn't here when I left SWL. (I've wrestled to trust God and know God this year, and I have grown in those areas. I might add that I haven't grown nearly enough, but that's part of life. When God is infinite and I am not, there is always more to learn.)
  
  
• Finally, I random came across a quote in the church bulletin from this morning that resonated with all of this. Jeff Daley, the pastor at Grace Church in Pagosa for many years, recently moved to a different town, and the church here is in a time of transition as they look for a pastor. In the bulletin they printed: "Please remember Pastor Jeff's wise departing words for us: 'What happens to us while we are waiting is more important than what we are waiting for.'"
  
  
• I have no idea "what I'm waiting for." But that's not the point. The point is that God has a plan, and His plan is good, because He is good. And He is working out His plan in me, even when it's hard or it seems like I'm stuck or I'm just frustrated and confused. He isn't wasting the "waiting times" of my life. Rather, it is through these very times that He is forming and transforming me into who He is calling me to be.

Story

I've been sick, and while yesterday I was feeling to lousy to read, I started The Drama of Scripture today. Though my reading was a tad slower than normal and I was a bit quicker to doze off, it was great to finally get some good intellectual and theological reading done.

I think the biggest "theme" of Semester was the concept of seeing the Bible as one Story, as an overarching metanarrative that is all about God's redemptive history as seen in Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Consummation - throughout 66 books and a span of several thousand years. One of the saddest trends in the church today is not understanding the Bible as it was written. God revealed Himself in STORY - not in "verse bites" or a gazillion different unrelated Sunday School lessons or systematic theology.

I had coffee with a friend around Christmas, and it was great to catch up after six months or so. I found it really interesting that she had learned many of the same things I had looked at Semester. We talked about this concept of story, which was something she had studied this semester, too. However, she learned it in her secular "Bible as Literature" class, not in church. While I'm glad she learned it and has a new perspective on Scripture, I think it's pretty pathetic that it takes college literature classes to do what the Church should be doing.

More thoughts to come as I continue to read and reflect.

2009: Finding God Bigger

Last post of the year...and of the decade. Weird.

This year was amazing. It far exceeded expectations. I have probably anticipated this year more than any other, due to the fact I've had a "Class of 2009" t-shirt since middle school. But truly, I couldn't have asked for a better year. It was a tremendous blessing, especially after the hardships of 2008.

This time last year I was petrified about what was coming. I wasn't sure what I was going to be doing. I couldn't see the path in front of me farther than my toes. A year later, I've had some of the best experiences in my life, and I have some vague idea of what's coming. But more than that, God has yet again (and again and again!) proved Himself faithful, in so many ways.

I blogged this last year on New Year's. It's so cool to see where God has brought me this year.

To me, New Year's is a time to reflect and contemplate and worship. It's a time to consider what God has done and rejoice in what He will do. This past year had been really rough. And I know 2009 will be a time of change and transition, and I'm not sure I'm ready. But my God is faithful.

My God is faithful!

My understanding of His faithfulness has increased this year. I've got a long ways to go - I have a feeling I'll still be learning this from beyond the grave.

There were so many awesome little things that God worked out - an amazing senior year, winning state, senior trip, YIM tour, summer camp, tutoring. And there were things that were greater than anything I could have dreamed, events that truly have been life changing - the East Asia trip and Summit Semester.

In my plan of two years ago, these never would have happened. In my plan of 12 months ago, they wouldn't have happened. That's why God is God - He sees what I cannot and would not see, and He orchestrates everything for His glory. And I have the privilege of trusting Him and being able to participate in what He's doing, which is absolutely amazing.

I haven't understood everything that happened this year, and I don't know what's coming. But I know I am right where I am supposed to be - learning to trust God.

Looking back on this year, I have had an experience much like Lucy Penvensie in Prince Caspian when she encounters Aslan again after returning to Narnia. Aslan had not grown, but her perspective had changed. As He told her: "Every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

This year, I have found God to be bigger and more beautiful and more faithful. May this be my discovery every year of my life.

Adventing: St. Nick and Nicea

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my uncle, a pastor, about the church history class I took at Summit, specifically about the Nicene Creed. He mentioned two things that I found fascinating, and they relate to Advent, so I'll share them.

The second (but oft skipped) verse of "O Come, All Ye Faithful" is inspired by the Nicene Creed. (It always annoys me when we skip verses of good hymns, especially the parts that are theological!)

True God of true God, Light from Light Eternal,
Lo, He shuns not the Virgin’s womb;
Son of the Father, begotten, not created;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.

He then related a story about St. Nicholas, who would later inspire Santa Claus, with the disclaimer that it may be more legend than fact. St. Nicholas, bishop of Myra, was a delegate at the Council of Nicea, in which Arius was eventually condemned as a heretic for teaching that Jesus was not fully God. It has been said that at one point Nicholas was so fed up with listening to the heresy that he got up and slapped Arius. For this he was almost removed from the bishopric, but it turns out the council agreed with him and he was reinstated after asking forgiveness.

Gene Edward Veith wrote a column for WORLD based off this story a couple of years ago, suggesting perhaps the Church needs to be more like St. Nicholas when it comes to defending Christ against heresies, instead of resembling a tolerant, non-religious Santa Claus.

Adventing: As Far As The Curse Is Found

No more let sin and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground.
He comes to make
His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

This is one of those simple truths you're supposed to learn growing up. I'm sure it's somewhere back in my head, but it is these simple truths that slap me upside the head sometimes. It's something so obvious, so critical to the Christian message, and yet it strikes me as if I had never considered it before.

The concept embodied in this verse is so important, and yet I had never fully articulated it until Semester.

His blessings flow as far as the curse is found. The scope of redemption is the same as the scope of creation. Everything will be redeemed! Nothing is "secular" because everything that God created was created good! And He has come, and will come again, that EVERYTHING might be redeemed - that the world will be reconciled to Himself.

For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross. Colossians 1:19-20

Summit Semester wrap up...

We interrupt the regularly scheduled programming for this cop-out blog. I'm adventing by recapping Summit Semester on FB and posting it here, too. I am so grateful for S2 - what it taught me during the best three months of my life and what it continues to teach me now. I may be abusing this reference (I really need to re-read it!) but it reminds me of what CS Lewis talks about in Surprised by Joy - an intense longing that drives us toward what we should really be longing for - in this case, knowing and walking in the fellowship of the Spirit and looking toward our true Home.

I’ve now been home three weeks from Summit Semester. It’s taken me long enough, but I thought I’d post on what we did and learned and all of that. It’s hard to even know where to start, so bear with me…

Summit Semester is a three-month academic program that focuses on developing a Biblical worldview (learning to think Christianly about everything) in the context of living in community. We lived at Snow Wolf Lodge, which is outside of Pagosa Springs, CO. We were surrounded on three sides by national forests. We only had internet for a few hours in town on Sunday, and I had to hike up to the ridge behind the lodge to get cell phone service. It’s amazing what you can accomplish without so many distractions!

Weekly, we had an art and Bible survey class, in addition to 15 hours of instruction with Dr. Michael Bauman of Hillsdale College in Politics and Christianity, British Literature, and History of Christian Theology. The 40 of us living at Snow Wolf Lodge (28 students, 7 staff, and the director’s family) grew close – we became a family – as we did basically everything together: class, family-style meals, dish crews, chores, volleyball, deep and random discussions, field trips, work crews, campfires, games, and so much more.

Everything with Bauman was discussed in light of four diagnostic questions:

(Try to answer these – it’s a lot harder than you might think!)

What is a good life and what good is life?

What is a good death and what good is death?

What is a good love and what good is love?

What is a human being?

So what did I learn? Again, I’m not sure where to start…

- I’ve learned how much I don’t know. There is so much I need to read and learn and ask…

- I’ve learned I have an infinite, lifelong reading list.

- I’ve learned about questions – how answer them, how to ask them. Bauman’s now in my head forever, making question just about everything…

- I’ve learned what it means to live in community, how important it is to have deep friendships and accountability and mentoring.

- I’ve learning about calling. It’s really basic, but it was an important lesson for me. God calls each of us to specific things – I’m not called to fix every problem I see. Others are called to those things to which I am not called. It’s how the Body works.

I was truly taught how to think, not what to think.

I’ve been told that from my pictures, it looks like we only had fun. So here’s an abbreviated list of what we studied in class. (feel free to skip to the end if you don’t want to be intimidated…or if you’re bored already…)

Politics: basic principles; formulating public policy; liberalism, conservatives, liberals, historical pragmatists, and revolutionaries; terrorism; abortion; Civil Rights; libertarianism and John Stuart Mill; Machiavelli and The Prince, Edmond Burke, the just war theory, capitalism, socialism, Milton on censorship and education; Dante on monarchy and governments, the Constitution; Switzerland; and regular discussion of current events…

British Literature: An Experiment in Criticism by CS Lewis, the medieval worldview (habits, beliefs, education system, courtly love); Beowulf; the Pearl Poet and his four poems; Geoffrey Chaucer (Romance of the Rose, Book of the Duchess, House of Fame, Parliament of Fowls, Troilus and Creseyde, Legend of Good Women, and The Canterbury Tales); Sir Philip Sidney (Lady of May, Arcadia, Astrophil and Stella, Defense of Poesy); Shakespeare and Romeo and Juliet; John Milton (sonnets, Lycidas, and Paradise Lost); Thomas Gray’s poetry; William Wordsworth’s poetry; Gerard Manley Hopkin’s poetry; Walter de la Mare’s poetry

History of Christian Theology: Jewish roots, Jesus, apostles, persecution and growth of the church; Apostolic Fathers – Clement of Rome, Ignatius, Polycarp, Papias, and the Didache; the Trinity and the first four church councils; Second Century Church Fathers – Tertullian, Justin Martyr; Heretics – Gnostics, Montantus; the Pelagius vs. Augustine debate; Augustine vs. Donatists; the Medieval Roman Catholic Church – popes, Thomas Aquinas, Duns Scotus, William of Ockham); the mystics vs. scholastics; pre-reformation reformers – John Wycliffe, John Hus, Girolamo Savonarola; Francesco Petrarch (Ascent of Mt. Ventoux, The Secret, The Remedy, The Rest of the Religious); Thomas More (Dialogue of Comfort, Utopia); Erasmus; the Reformation; Martin Luther; Philip Melanchton; Ulrich Zwingli; John Calvin; Anabaptists, the Council of Trent; and random theology lectures – what is beauty, worship, church services, marriage/divorce…

A week with Dr. Don Williams of Toccoa Falls College, GA: theory of Christian study; higher education; theology of literature; poetry; the praise of Christ in British poetry; deconstructing deconstructionism; CS Lewis as a scholar; CS Lewis on Goodness, Truth, and Beauty; Edmund Spenser; Worldviews in literature; why evangelicals can’t write; speaking the truth in love

Dr. JP Moreland of Biola University: philosophy – types of knowledge, epistemology, brain/mind and body/soul,

Art with Charlie Pepiton: wrestled with the definition of art, the definition of beauty, the continuum of glory and suffering, breaking constructs, midrash interpretation, elements of design, theater basics, dramatic structure, semiotics, poetry, art history from 1850s to present…

Bible with Eric and God: understanding the overarching metanarrative of the Bible – seeing it as one Story rather than 66 different books; Creation, Fall, the Law, Israel’s history and kings, prophets, interlude, the Kingdom of God, redemption… read through major chunks of Scripture

It is impossible for any description of Semester to do it justice. I grew exponentially in so many ways - academically, spiritually, personally, relationally...the list goes on. I could not have spent those three months in a better way, and I am so grateful for the experience.

Adventing: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" Part II

I'm sitting here again, just a few minutes until this day is done, wondering why I made this commitment to blog daily. And this is precisely why I made the commitment. Blogging is definitely not the best way to give oneself accountability, but it's something. A commitment in words, in print, in public.

Coming back from three months of community accountability is rough. And I really miss the accountability - to get up on time, be at meals, work, exercise, and go to bed at a decent hour. When I've explained what I've done to people here at home, several have commented about "oh, you learn so much about yourself in community like that." That's definitely a true statement, but I think I'm learning just as much or more about myself now, in the absence of said communal accountability. It's not a pretty picture.

It's been harder creating and keeping a schedule than I anticipated. Truth be told, I haven't really made it a priority. Sure, many events have been outside my control, but things like not starting projects at 11 PM and getting a decent sleep schedule definitely don't count in that category. Some things can only be attributed to stupidity and laziness and sin.

So here's a blog that deserves more thought but perfectly illustrates the above experiences. The last two verse of Hark the Herald aren't really well known. I admit, I don't really have them memorized at all. But there's a lot of theology in them that's really important.

Come, Desire of nations, come,
Fix in us Thy humble home;
Rise, the woman’s conqu’ring Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent’s head.
Now display Thy saving power,
Ruined nature now restore;
Now in mystic union join
Thine to ours, and ours to Thine.
Hark! The herald angels sing:
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Adam’s likeness, Lord, efface,
Stamp Thine image in its place:
Second Adam from above,
Reinstate us in Thy love.
Let us Thee, though lost, regain,
Thee, the Life, the inner man:
O, to all Thyself impart,
Formed in each believing heart.
Hark! The herald angels sing:
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Jesus, bruise the serpent's head in me. Efface the sin, the image I so quickly chose as my identity. Transform me into Your image, for Your glory.

Home? ...Defining and Equivocating

I've been home in Texas for a week now.

I'm not sure what I think about that statement. On the one hand, I love being home. We got to hang out with all my cousins last night, and I realized just how much I had missed my family (even if I didn't really have time to realize it while I was away). Yet part of me still feels like "home" is somewhere else - yes, in a very special lodge hidden in the San Juan mountains, but more so with a very special group of 40 people I call my Semester family.

For the first time this year, I've begun to think of places other than the North Texas address I've lived at for most of my life as "home." I've now lived outside of Texas for the first time in my life, and this year is the first time I have seriously contemplated moving much farther away - as in halfway across the globe. (And I'm sure this post, just like this one did nine months ago, is making my mom seriously freak out...)

To quote from the aforementioned post:

I miss it.

It is so different than home. And in a million ways, I'm so glad to be home. But for the first time in my life, I've recently entertained thoughts that "home" may be far from my beloved Texas.

I couldn't be happier with my home as it is right now. I'm not looking for a one-way ticket to Timbuktu or anywhere else. But my heart longs for Home, and deep down, I know my allegiance is first and foremost to that Place, to Him who makes it Home, and not to geography or ideals or people.

Meaning, I know I will have to be in whichever place He decides is most necessary for His glory and the good of all those who may one day call His presence "Home."

The context of this is coming back from Asia, another place where my heart felt strangely at home, yet I find these words ringing true again. Perhaps they have a deeper meaning to me now, after living away from what I've always known as "home."

I felt at home at Semester like I've never felt at any other place or with any other group of people, save my family. And while I miss them dearly, it is stirring something deeper within me. Beck wrote in her blog near the end of the Semester that we could now identify with the Penvensie children having to leave Narnia. The experience is similar, I think - we got a taste of otherworldliness, how this world is supposed to be - and that stirs a deep longing which cannot easily be fulfilled. I'm reminded of CS Lewis' journey as chronicled in Surprised by Joy.

Yet as Lewis writes, this longing, this Joy, is not the end in of itself. It is the signpost that leads to something much greater, Home. Heaven. The New Creation.

Revelation 21: 1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

Home for Christ and His Kingdom and Hope

On Friday night, I became an alumna of Summit Semester, the class of 2009. It doesn't seem right. It seems like we should just be starting. But, no, we spent three amazing months together, and now it is time to go home, "for Christ and His Kingdom," as Eric charged us.

So I'm home, after a 14 hour drive all day Saturday. It was so weird to be home. I stayed up for like three more hours, reading the Semester blogs, bios, and notes, looking at pictures, remembering...

We went to church this morning, which was really good. It was good to see friends again. And I really needed the sermon, on hope, today being the first Sunday of Advent.

I'm not gonna lie, I don't feel like being hopeful right now. My heart is still looking back, longing for my new family and the home we had at Snow Wolf Lodge. I'd honestly rather wallow in the "400 silent years" for at least a few more days, musing and contemplating and grieving, in a sense, rather than jump back in wholeheartedly into life.

Yet I'm called to more than this.

To quote my new favorite article ("Telling the World Its Own Story," Richard John Neuhaus):

All of us who have contended to be Christian disciples, to be faithful, know times in which we are tempted to despair and to feel that we are a part not only of a minority enterprise but a failing and perhaps definitively failed enterprise. But we have not the right to despair, for despair is a sin. And finally we have not the reason to despair, quite simply because Christ has risen.

As Dr. Dunagin reminded us this morning, God broke the the silence of 400 years with the command: "Fear not!" Of all of Jesus' commands, almost 20% of these were spent telling us not to fear.

His main points: Fear robs us of joy and hope. It causes us to doubt God's goodness, and fear produces "spiritual amnesia." Fear drains us of generosity; it causes us to seek safety first, which drains us of love. On the other hand, joy is deep and firm and abiding. Joy flourishes in the midst of pain and struggle.

Currently, I am wrestling more with fear and despair than I am with hope and joy. I'm not sure how to best keep up the friendships I've made these past three months. I'm scared of finding/creating a community here at home like the one I've just come from and of developing deep friendships that sharpen like iron. I'm not sure what lies ahead, and I don't really like that.

Yet this is why hope and joy are so essential. They aren't abstract ideas that only work when life is good and the world is happy. Hope and joy sustain us when everything else is falling apart because hope and joy can't just be mustered up inside us when we feel down. They come as a result of tremendous sacrifice.

Neuhaus again:

Optimism is not a Christian virtue. Optimism is simply a matter of optics, of seeing what you want to see and opting not to see what you don't want to see.

We are hopeful, filled with hope, which is a very different thing. Hope is a virtue of having looked unblinkingly into all the reasons for despair, into all of the reasons that would seem to falsify hope, and to say, "Nonetheless Christ is Lord. Nonetheless this is the story of the world. Nonetheless this is a story to which I will surrender myself day by day." Not simply on one altar call, but as the entirety of one's life, in which every day is a laying of your life on the altar of the Lord Jesus Christ being offered up in perfect sacrifice to the Father.

And will we overcome? Will we prevail? We have overcome and have prevailed ultimately because He has overcome and He has prevailed. There are days in which you and I get discouraged. On those days I tell myself — I suppose almost every day I tell myself, sometimes several times a day — those marvelous lines from T. S. Eliot's "East Coker," where Eliot says, "For us there is only the trying. The rest is not our business."

For us there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. Some people read those lines as lines of resignation, kind of shrugging your shoulders and saying, "What can you do?" But I read them as lines of vibrant hope. The rest is not our business. The rest is God's business.

Thank God, we are not God. Thank God, God is God.

The First Goodbye

Saturday, November 21, 2009
Day 77, Summit Semester

Tonight was our first goodbye. Of course, it wasn’t really – not in any sense. (I think the first goodbye to really hit was five weeks ago when Dr. Williams was here – he connected with us in a way that other visiting speakers just didn’t, and he was the first to prepare us for going home.) But in another sense, tonight was one of the most significant goodbyes we will have this Semester.

This Semester was very different from years past in many respects, but perhaps most of all because Bauman was not our scholar-in-residence, living here at Snow Wolf Lodge the whole semester but traveling back and forth every week from Hillsdale. He said today that he’s spent four and a half 40-hour workweeks just traveling this semester – yet he also feels this is the most significant work he does all year. And for this, his sacrifice and dedication, we are very grateful.

Yet it was weird tonight – our last class with Bauman. It was pretty anticlimactic – and I’m actually really grateful for that. I’m just not a fan of big blubbering drawn out goodbyes – though sometimes that’s necessary, and I’ve certainly experienced those (and will again… probably next week…). We just had class as normal – finished up the overview of the Reformation with the Anabaptists and the Council of Trent tonight, after the Calvinist/Arminian lecture this morning. (Quote of the day from Bauman: I’m a no-point Calvinist, which is not the same as a pointless Calvinist – a pointless Calvinist is redundant!) We asked a last few questions, he commented for a minute or two about how we’ve grown this semester, and we stood and applauded. That was our last class.

We hung around for a while afterwards. Bauman signed books, took pictures with us, and joked around. He’s been very gracious with his time the past two weeks, staying an hour or more after class to answer our questions. Getting to talk and just hear him explain things in a smaller group of four or five has been just amazing. I’m so grateful for him and this Semester.

And in many ways, I’m ready to be home. In many ways, I’m ready to be done here. (Not in all ways – a lot of me wishes we were coming back next semester…) Yet it is still so weird. Today was our last Saturday – talking at breakfast I realized that I wouldn’t be here this time next week. And I’m okay with that – but it’s going to be so very different.

One of the most surprising things to me is that looking forward to these goodbyes is much harder than graduating high school – even though I had been with some of my classmates for 14 years. I guess some of it is geography – even though we’re scattered, we’ll probably all be back in town for holidays and stuff for the next couple of years - as opposed to my friends now being scattered all over the US (and South Korea).

But I really wasn’t expecting to be impacted this deeply by this community. I came in with one idea of community – based largely on my friendships at CCA with the friends I’ve had for a decade – and I’m leaving with an entirely different understanding. As Dr. Williams said, this community is just about as close to being what the church is supposed to be as about anything. And there is a factor here I haven’t experienced before – of living life with 40 people day in and day out for three months – spending an hour and half at the dinner table together every day, sitting in the same classes, wrestling with the same questions, doing the same chores, having the same crazy fun on the volleyball court. And the depth of what we do – from class to conversations over lunch that carry over to dish crew that we pick up again after dinner – and the ridiculous amount of inside jokes we’re able to accumulate every second… it’s so unique. I want everyone I know to experience this because it is so amazing.

And yet I know that’s ridiculous, impossible. So the challenge in going home is A) keeping up with the friendships we’ve developed here, and perhaps more importantly, B) developing and cultivating a sense of community, of deep friendship at home. It’s this second part that I’m kind of worried about, honestly. In a sense I’ve gone from having friends I’ve had all my life at CCA, to really deep friendships here at Semester, to not having the same kind of community at all at home. I haven’t yet experienced life at home, with my old friends at college, and I don’t have any idea what that looks like. I know I’m called to do CP!, but it’s definitely not the social experience this has been. It’s going to be radically different going from having 40 people keeping me company and accountable 24/7 to be studying on my own for most of the day.

So I’m not quite sure what that is going to look like, and I have no idea about what my schedule will look like either. It’s crazy how much more I get done when I have a schedule and stick to it. Not having internet or phone here means there are a lot less distractions, but the test of what we’ve learned is not how much we accomplish here but how we take it home and apply it and implement it for the rest of our lives.

One of the best ideas we’ve talked about in going home is to make a list of all the things we’re looking forward to about going home, to remind ourselves that this isn’t the end of the world. (And seriously, we’re not that depressed at all – it’s just a very weird time…)

So here’s my partial list (I’m sure there’s more… and these are ordered as they jumped into my head – not a whole lot of significance)
• Being with family!
• Church! I’ve really missed it – definitely more grateful for it now…
• Seeing and getting to regularly communicate with old friends
• Getting to read all the books I already own and need to read
• Organizing my lifetime reading list
• Working with missions stuff at church
• Working with media stuff at church
• Hanging out/investing in the youth group
• Normal cell phone use (yes, this is this far down the list)
• Getting a new cell phone – possibly more excited about this – I’m not sure what I’ll do when I don’t have to climb a mountain to get coverage every-other day or so, haha…
• Limited internet use – I really have no desire to use it every day! (except maybe for blogging…we’ll see….)
• Processing through more of what we’ve talked about here – especially talking things out with people
• Working around the house and yard – I am excited about this – regular work crews grow on you, though I’m not sure you want me to put up barbed-wire fences – those are the most fun by far! (seriously….)
• Eventually talking with M&Ms and trying to figure out more of what I’m specifically called to – discussions here have raised a lot of really good questions I need to wrestle through

So yeah. That’s what’s running through my head. Hopefully it made some sense.

And I am looking forward to seeing y’all this week!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Day 71, Summit Semester

Two weeks from today, I will be back home. That's a really weird thought.

Things have been really busy. I didn't blog before now, so these won't be profound at all. Sorry, haha.

Highlights:

We're having a blast, despite the fact time is flying way too fast.

A couple of us stayed after class for over an hour, talking to Bauman about different things, and it was really good. And after that, we went mattress sliding again. (Yes, Mom, I was careful, and my leg is doing well.)

We've been discussing the Reformation and the events leading up to it and the major figures of it this week in Theology, and it's been good. Bauman is an amazing teacher.

We had a really interesting discussion on CS Lewis' views on worship and prayer yesterday morning. It was fascinating, but I think I've found an area where I definitely don't agree with him, on how a worship service should be run. Interesting stuff to think about though.

We've looked at Wordsworth and the Romantic poets in Brit Lit. I'm glad we're reading a lot of their works, but I think I appreciate the old school guys like Gray and Milton and Donne a lot more...

It seems impossible, but our time here seems to be getting better and better. I'm so grateful for the leadership and for my friends. It's absolutely amazing.

At the same time, I'm not dreading coming home, just so you know. It's definitely going to be different, and I don't really have any idea what I'm coming home to schedule wise (which is weird after 3 months of great rigidity - seriously, no sarcasm - you get used to the schedule and it's really helpful - a lot harder to waste time...).

I'm just really happy and really grateful for this opportunity. I couldn't imagine doing anything better these three months.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 65, Summit Semester

Today was seriously the most fun I've had in a long long time! The first year of Summit Semester, they were planning to have a Harvest Fall celebration, but it got tongue twisted, and has immortally become known as Farvest Hall celebration. It's pretty epic.

We started out the morning in five teams, out in the field. It turns out they don't really sell pumpkins after All Saint's Day (for some reason also associated with something called halloween or something? yeah, not sure...), so we couldn't have pumpkin carving. We did something way better - gourd carving and sculpture. My team came in 2nd place with a great representation of a wonderful political leader. (Pictures withheld so Summit doesn't lose tax exemption and I don't wind up in jail or something within the next seven years. But as Bauman cheerfully asserts: "It's not slander if it's true!")

We also had a shooting contest going on while we were carving. For my second time to shoot, I did decent, and it was fun. That's something I'd definitely like to learn how to do well when I get home...

After that, we had an amazing celebration of World Freedom Day. We had an original 6+ minutes political speech, followed by a reenactment of tearing down the Berlin Wall. It was amazing - and it would only happen at Nerd Camp!

After that, we had a bobbing for apples contest, which ended with some people getting soaked. It was another cool thing to add to my list of new fun experiences at Semester.

We then had lunch - pumpkin soup in bread bowls and caramel apples.

After lunch, we watched a movie, which was interesting. We then got ready for the costume party. People had crazy costumes and it was hilarious. Food, dancing, games, and pure fun. I love how this community can be so academic and deep, discussing intense things, and crazy silly and having a blast at the same time. It's amazing...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Day 64, Summit Semester

In politics this week, we covered the Constitution – the Convention, the background of the different groups of Framers, the various economic and political ideologies, how the document itself was composed and defended. Definitely something we need to understand in this day and age.

In Brit Lit, we’ve been hitting the highlights of Milton’s Paradise Lost. There’s not nearly enough time to go through all 11,000 lines, but we got a great overview and feel for it over the past three days.

In Theology, we’ve been discussing the guys leading up the Reformation – Thomas More and Erasmus. Interesting to really understand the political, social, and theological background going on during that time.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Day 61, Summit Semester

Bauman returned! We gave him a standing O as he entered class tonight. Williams and Moreland were great, but it’s so much fun to have Bauman back. In typical Bauman fashion, he trashed both Williams and Moreland, both good friends of his, implying if not outright stating we shouldn’t trust what we learned while he was gone. Seriously, where else in the world do you get the quality of profs we get in three months? It’s amazing!

Bauman told the story of a scientist who wanted to be an entomologist – someone who studies insects. His prof gave him a specimen to study – a fish. For his first week, his only assignment was to stare at the fish – learn and observe everything he could about it using only his eyes, hands, and pencil and paper. He thought he knew everything there was to know about the fish within the first hour, but as the prof kept coming back and asking him what else he learned, he realized he wasn’t really seeing the fish. So over the course of that week, thinking about it in the lab and at night, and being quizzed by the prof, he learned how to really see and observe.

Bauman’s point? Keep staring at the fish! “I won’t always be here to answer your questions – that’s not real learning anyway. Stare at the fish! Think about it, figure it out yourself! Learn. And keep staring at the fish from every possible angle.”

If there’s one thing we’re learning at Semester, it’s that learning is a lifetime process. Our questions can’t be answered in a Semester, we can only realize how deep the questions really go and how little we actually know – about ourselves, the world, God, knowledge. There is infinitely more to learn, and while we’ll never get to the point where we know it all, learning and thinking well should be a part of every day for the rest of our lives.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Day 59, Summit Semester

Today was a nice day of rest after a quick but fun art field trip to Santa Fe. I talked with Naomi for about an hour in the morning, which was really good. There are definitely some things I really need to think through and define, both for myself and others, about missions and mobilizing. I love being in a place where good questions challenge you to the core and force you to really know what you think. They help clarify and make you sort through what you really believe. It was really helpful.

We then went into town, where we spent most of the day. We had internet access for three days in a row, with our trip to Santa Fe, and I definitely ran out of things to do. Of course, there’s always something to do on FB, but I had to think about how to spend my last hour or two on the internet. So crazy. I really need to ration my time on the internet when I get home. It’s one of those things you think you can’t live without, then you discover you live so much more and accomplish a gazillion more things without it…

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Day 50, Summit Semester

Trip to Mesa Verde….see FB pics and postcards coming soon to an address near you.

After we got back from Mesa Verde, about eight of us had a campfire up on the ridge. It was fun just hanging out. The fire was beautiful. I still can’t get over the stars. There’s so many of them, more than I’ve ever seen before, and it blows my mind to realize how big the universe is, and how amazing the creation of God is. There are so many things here that make the entire Semester experience so brilliant and beautiful.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Day 49, Summit Semester

Ludicrous, Lacking, or Logical? The Validity of Lewis’ Trilemma
Why Evangelicals Can’t Write
Speaking the Truth in Love

The last two lectures were by far my favorite. They both deserve a blog all of their own, which will be forthcoming, but a summary is necessary now.

The first one was basically about how evangelicals don’t understand the mystery of the Gospel, or the symbolic power of the sacraments, and therefore we don’t understand the fullness of the Story in which God has revealed Himself and placed us. Therefore, we don’t communicate our own story creations well. It was fascinating, and something I definitely need to spend more time on.

The last lecture was the most significant and possibly the most important lecture we’ve had thus far. Dr. Williams has taught all four classes of Semester, and he’s kept up with many of the students in past years. He understands the tension we experience really well. Semester is amazing. To quote Williams, it is the closest thing to Schaeffer’s L’Abri as exists today and a true community of what the church is supposed to be. Which sounds incredible, but it’s infinitely more amazing to be here. It’s not just the intellectual brilliance, but also the community – it really is a family. And as much as we joke about it, it really is hard for us to relate/understand with the outside world, just as it is for them to us.

And yet the reality is we will be back home in five short weeks, which is a seriously kind of depressing thought. And Williams was preparing us for the fact that it will be depressing in some ways going back home, leaving the family we’ve had here for three months and going back to people we love, but people who simply haven’t had the experience of this community for three months.

With all we’ve learned and lived, seeing the vision of a Biblical worldview lived out in community, we’re going to want to go back and change the world, teach everybody everything we’ve learned. But it doesn’t work that way, and at a smaller level, that’s something we’re already realizing in our connection with the outside world. And Summit is training us to change the world, but we have to go about it in the right way. We have to speak the truth in love, earning the right to be heard by serving, not immediately assuming that we have all the answers that those in the outside world haven’t had the opportunity to learn. While that may be true, we can’t be frustrated with them for not having experienced what we’ve experienced.

And this is a genuine struggle. To a small degree, we already realize it, and it’s something I’ve struggled with on a much smaller scale coming home from missions trips or camps. And while we’re all looking forward to being home in one sense, we are definitely already dreading our departure in a little over a month. It’s a really weird tension, and while I’m not explaining it well, he and some of the other graduates here say it’s a lot easier to deal with if you communicate as much as possible with the people back home. So thus ends my feeble attempt to do such….

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Day 48, Summit Semester

CS Lewis on Goodness, Truth, and Beauty (Continued)
A Christian Role Model: Edmund Spenser
Deconstructing Deconstructionism

Tonight was the performance of “Revenge of the DWEMs,” a one-act play/ Socratic tetralogue Dr. Williams wrote about the interaction of Socrates, Erasmus (a Renaissance scholar), a New Critic (the dominant literary view of the past century) professor, and a postmodern professor. DWEM stands for Dead White European Males, the “source of all evil in the world” according to the postmodernist. The other three prove her to be a fool, though, and it’s a great and funny way to understand the conflict of literary criticism today.

I ran lights and did the program, both of which were fun. Those might show up somewhere later.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Day 45, Summit Semester

We had Dr. Donald T. Williams with us this week for a really broad course entitled “Literature: A Christian Approach.” I don’t know how it’s physically possible, but our lectures here just keep getting better and better! Seriously, it’s hard to comprehend how amazing Semester is and what a tremendous privilege and opportunity we have.

I really don’t have time to go into all of the lectures, but I will post the schedule here so you can be jealous. Dr. Williams definitely has a different style of teaching than Bauman – he claims Bauman is the best professor of the Socratic method alive today, and he won’t attempt to rival that. Dr. Williams presented his lectures as if reading an academic paper – so there was tons of great information, so much so that it was hard to keep up and take notes. It was great though – l loved it. (Not gonna lie though, I was seriously mad that the two lectures I wanted recorded the most were the ones my computer decided to lose – grrr.) I can’t say this was my favorite week, because everything else is so good too (!!!) but it was definitely incredible.

He gave three lectures every morning for 50-ish minutes each:

Monday
The Place of Study in the Christian Life
Repairing the Ruins: Thoughts On Christian Higher Education
The Necessity of Narrative: A Theology of Literature

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Day 46, Summit Semester
Worldviews in Literature
Poetry
The Expression of Emotion in Poetry

Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Day 47, Summit Semester
The Praise of Christ in English Poetry
CS Lewis as a Literary Scholar
CS Lewis on Goodness, Truth, and Beauty