2009: Finding God Bigger

Last post of the year...and of the decade. Weird.

This year was amazing. It far exceeded expectations. I have probably anticipated this year more than any other, due to the fact I've had a "Class of 2009" t-shirt since middle school. But truly, I couldn't have asked for a better year. It was a tremendous blessing, especially after the hardships of 2008.

This time last year I was petrified about what was coming. I wasn't sure what I was going to be doing. I couldn't see the path in front of me farther than my toes. A year later, I've had some of the best experiences in my life, and I have some vague idea of what's coming. But more than that, God has yet again (and again and again!) proved Himself faithful, in so many ways.

I blogged this last year on New Year's. It's so cool to see where God has brought me this year.

To me, New Year's is a time to reflect and contemplate and worship. It's a time to consider what God has done and rejoice in what He will do. This past year had been really rough. And I know 2009 will be a time of change and transition, and I'm not sure I'm ready. But my God is faithful.

My God is faithful!

My understanding of His faithfulness has increased this year. I've got a long ways to go - I have a feeling I'll still be learning this from beyond the grave.

There were so many awesome little things that God worked out - an amazing senior year, winning state, senior trip, YIM tour, summer camp, tutoring. And there were things that were greater than anything I could have dreamed, events that truly have been life changing - the East Asia trip and Summit Semester.

In my plan of two years ago, these never would have happened. In my plan of 12 months ago, they wouldn't have happened. That's why God is God - He sees what I cannot and would not see, and He orchestrates everything for His glory. And I have the privilege of trusting Him and being able to participate in what He's doing, which is absolutely amazing.

I haven't understood everything that happened this year, and I don't know what's coming. But I know I am right where I am supposed to be - learning to trust God.

Looking back on this year, I have had an experience much like Lucy Penvensie in Prince Caspian when she encounters Aslan again after returning to Narnia. Aslan had not grown, but her perspective had changed. As He told her: "Every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

This year, I have found God to be bigger and more beautiful and more faithful. May this be my discovery every year of my life.

I want to live in Narnia when I grow up!

Seriously, I'm not kidding. But even if I were, I think heaven will be similar to Narnia in many ways. We saw Prince Caspian again at the dollar theater recently, and I loved it. I liked it even better the second time, probably because I was focusing more on the spirit of the film rather than the technical accuracy to the book. 

One scene really caught my attention though. The Old Narnians are gathered in the forest to meet Caspian for the first time. Some want to kill him on the spot, while other are aware of the history and prophecies to be fulfilled. He explains that if they will help him recover his throne, then he will give Narnia back to the Narnians. At this, the centuar captain steps forward and draws his sword. 

"Then my sons and I offer you our swords." 

All the other creatures follow his lead and swords are raised. Reepicheep then steps forward, speaking for his small band of Talking Mice. 

"And we offer you our lives unreservedly."

The centaurs were willing to live and fight for Narnia, and as warriors, they were willing to die in the line of duty. But Reepicheep offered something greater. He offered complete loyalty, surrendering his life and rights before they were demanded of him. He understood how the Kingdom worked. 

There are times when we will offer God our time on Sunday mornings or our service or our strength, but we don't offer Him our hearts, the fullness of our being. We are commanded to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength - with everything we have. 

Francis Schaeffer writes in The God Who Is There: 

When I hear this first commandment to love the God who is there with everything that I am, it carries with it a total concept of life and truth...But this commandment carries something more; it tells me something very fundamental and exciting about myself...Those who understand what is involved will not dismiss this as "something I have heard since I was little." to think through the implications is totally exciting. The God who is there is of such a nature that He can be loved, and I am of such a nature that I can love...I know what man is, and I know who I am.

And so I will offer my life unreservedly. 

Battle Cries

I often wonder about the things that excite my heart and stir my passion.

The call, "For NARNIA!!!" sends chills down my spine and makes me long for a sword in my hand and clinking mail to shield my heart.

I long to ride behind Thomas of Hunter, waging war against the Horde, defending the Forests for Elyon.

Even lesser things -things with no resemblance to my true Home- make me swell with patriotic pride and a longing to fight and defend. Remember the Alamo! Give me liberty or give me death! Truth, justice, and the American way! No taxation with representation! The South will rise again! To infinity and beyond!

Okay, I kid. In fact, I completely lied on the last few...

My point is stories inspire me and impact me on a deep level...which is a good thing. Yet my loyalty and longing to fight for Narnia doesn't carry over to the war in which I'm currently engaged...which is a bad thing.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete. I Corinthians 10:3-6

The struggle to wake up early, read my Bible, make my little brother a sandwich, then go study invisible lines and imaginary numbers and unknown letters while being nice to the jerk sitting next to me isn't nearly as appealing as the clash of swords and the thunder of hooves driving the enemy from the field to defend my home, family, and freedom.

Obedience. Attitude. Prayer. Thoughts. Words. Perseverance. Perseverance in the little things.

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death– even death on a cross! Philippians 2:5-8

The Christian life certainly has the big battles, the glorious charges, the moments on the mountaintop when the enemy is clearly defined and victory is in sight. But a lot of life is in the standing, in the waiting, in picking up the cross again each day. These "little" fights are often harder, in some ways, than the big campaigns. These build endurance amidst suffering, and perseverance and character and hope.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then. Ephesians 6: 12-3

Stand. My youth pastor reminded me of this today. "If you're not intentional about your spiritual walk, you'll suffer - but you won't stay the same." I fight to be able to stand- fighting may not seem like I'm moving forward or gaining ground. But if I cease to stand, I fall.

So may the stories remind us that we are called to fight each day, even when it doesn't seem like we're fighting anything. And may the battle cries dim in comparison to the encouraging call and command of our Warrior King.