Hope and Faithfulness

Lamentations 3

²¹ Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

This passage comes in the middle of Lamentations, a book chronicling destruction like I can't even fathom. The dreams of a nation are dying with their city. And yet, God is good. God is faithful.

This passage makes my own doubt, fear, and questioning seem all the more insignificant. God will accomplish His purposes, even when all my expectations come crumbling to the ground, just as they did for Israel. God is faithful, and this is all that matters.

My Life and Hebrews 12

I wrote this about two weeks ago, but I haven't had regular internet access until today.

In many ways, this reflects the journey I've been on the past three years. In many ways, it specifically reflects the experiences of this summer.


Stirred dust billows high
As the cross I shouldered long ago
Scrapes the desert sand.
Falling, I scream at the cloudless sky.
"Do you know how heavy this thing is?
Have you brought me into the wilderness to die?"

The silence is shattered.
Long awaited answers come,
Not as I had hoped
But as a slap in the face.
Yet I find a gentle embrace
Awakening truth, renewing reality.

"Yes, it is heavy. I know the burden well.
But you have not yet begun
To shed your blood in this fight!
It is my blood that stained your hands.
And it is my blood that stains your heart,
Making you righteous, whiter than snow.

"I have brought you to this wilderness
Yes, you must learn to die,
But this is for my glory and your life.
Do not despise this testing.
I discipline those I love.
Strengthen your knees and run well the race."

And now the silence is all mine.
I ponder the intimacy found in the desert,
Being given what I need
But never would have chosen.
Considering the joy of Him who endured,
I fix my eyes. I will trust. I will obey.

"God's will for my life"

God is good.

After years of hearing Him whisper, I finally heard what He's been trying to tell me the past three years. Especially this past year, I've been looking for the wrong things. Reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God definitely helped me crystallize some of these thoughts, but it's been incredible to see God confirm His word through so many different circumstances.

My dwelling place, my security, my home, my future is in Christ and Christ alone. If I look for these things in any other place, I will never be satisfied.

I do not have the right to seek or know "God's will for my life." It's not biblical to know "God's will for my life" as I usually mean the phrase. It sounds spiritual, but it's really just a demand for God to let me know what He's going to do the next five, ten, twenty, fifty years. And God doesn't work that way. He called Abram to go when Abram had no idea where he was going or where He would end up. We're called to walk by faith, not by sight, and sight is what I have been demanding of God, in a super spiritual nice way. Right.

But that fact is, I know God's will for my life. Scripture's pretty straightforward here. Love God. Love people. Follow Jesus. Walk in step with the Spirit.

And in His grace, He's given me more specifics - use media to mobilize the Church for the sake of the Unreached. Do I have any idea what this will practically look like? Heck no. But for the first time, I'm okay with that.

I have no right to ask/demand to know anything beyond this. I'm not supposed to know the five year plan or have my retirement figured out. I'm called to pick up my cross and crucify myself and follow Jesus and be faithful to obey in the little things every single day. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Honestly, I've been somewhat surprised to find the freedom in this, because it's definitely terrifying, too. But real grace is a terrifying thing. Radical grace demands radical discipleship, and there is nothing Jesus does not demand I give up. My flesh is terrified, but my spirit is at peace. Aslan may not be safe, but He is good. He is faithful. And right now, that's all I need to know.

My brother told me to blog more...

and so this is for him. He tried to bait me with something about Joel Osteen, but I'm sick of being frustrated by his type.

I'm realizing I don't really truly know anything about prayer. Which means I really truly don't understand God.

I find myself getting frustrated, overwhelmed, and helpless as I survey the world. I'm discovering these massive problems (like Pakistan) and nothing I can physically do is really going to make a difference.

I'm exhorting, begging people to pray - cause that's the only thing we really can do - and yet I have to fight myself. Part of me feels like that won't accomplish anything. I want to actually make a difference, solve the problem, do anything. And yet, for all practical purposes, my hands are tied. So I suggest we pray as a last resort.

Could my thinking be more backward?

I serve the God of the universe, who invites me to enter into conversation with Him, to petition Him to move in the earth and I'm told He will! Yet coming to Him more often than not is my last course of action, instead of the first thing my heart knows to do.

No wonder I don't know God.

God calls us to so much more - to really know Him, to walk in step with the Spirit, to pray continually. If I really understood what it meant to be in constant conversation with the most powerful and loving being in the universe, how could I not pray continually?

I have so much to learn. Lord, teach me how to pray.

Depression and Perspective

I was seriously discouraged and depressed this afternoon. There are times I get so frustrated with the state of the Union right now I want to drop kick my citizenship as far as I can. Talking about the latest assault on American rights and freedom in the form of the passage of the Cap and Tax bill and the devastating effects it will have on the economy over dinner was extremely discouraging to me.

My heart's not in America, anymore, and that doesn't really have anything to do with the current administration or the destruction of the Constitution. It has everything to do with the Kingdom and what God is doing in the earth. I could really care less about America. Keep your change and hope and Gitmo terrorists and health care and education and mandatory volunteerism and your global warming and ethanol. I'm easy to please, just give me a passport. That's all I want.

Yet I know I'll be here at least two more years, and those two years seem like a long time. I struggle with not wanting to be here in America, yet knowing I am here for this season. And I don't really know what to do. Politically, I don't think America will rebound, not the way I'd like it to. Spiritually, I don't know what to think of the American church, except that we're failing miserably. Economically, things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

In the midst of my depressed state, my mom spoke three words that brought perspective.

"First century Jerusalem."

(She actually expanded that thought, but those words snapped me back to True Reality.) The church Jesus left on earth was small and without great resources. (Most of them were ex-fishermen who gave up their whole livelihood to follow Jesus!) They were living under an extremely oppressive government who demanded heavy taxes. The political leader to whom they had to submit, who claimed to be deity incarnate, opposed everything their True King stood for.

And yet the gospel flourished.

God will accomplish what He says He will. Isaiah declares: "Of the increase of His Kingdom there will be no end." God isn't surprised by any of this, but instead He is working it and orchestrating it to accomplish His plans and His purposes in the earth.

How often I forget that.

How desperately I need to remember it.

Of the increase of His Kingdom there will be no end.

I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me. Psalm 57:2

Psalm 62

I work up yesterday morning with this verse running through my head: "My soul finds rest in God alone." Turns out its the start of a really good and applicable and needed chapter from Psalms. 

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken. v1-2

To say "I will never be shaken" is a pretty bold claim. Yet its truth struck me. Christ is the Rock, He is Truth, He is omniscient. He is not surprised by anything I do or not do. He cannot be shaken, or He would cease to be God. And God is God: unshakeable. But here's the weird thing: God died, God shook the world, to make me a daughter with the rights of a son. To give me a new identity in Christ. I am in Christ. No matter what happens, no matter how bad the economy fails, no matter who is elected president, no matter what happens to my friendships and relationships, no matter, I am in Christ, and that cannot be shaken. 

My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. v7-8

Honor is a big deal to me. It's one of those old fashioned ideals that's embedded in my heart, like 'a man's word is his honor.' I want to have honor and show honor in all circumstances. But recently, I've been facing decisions that are rather unpopular. They go against the crowd, and most people probably won't understand what or why I'm doing what God has said to do. But my honor doesn't come from the reactions of other people or even how I handle those relationships. It comes from God. My honor depends on God, and nothing else matters. 

One thing God has spoken, two things I have heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. v11-12

At the end of the day, whether I feel shaken or shamed, confused or crazy, God is True. His character does not fail. God is my strength and He loves me. What more do I need?

God's provision

My head knows that God provides. I've heard it a thousand times, I've seen it happen in the life of my family, but it hasn't really permeated my heart. My heart is so hard. 

But recently, I've been really worried about the economy and the future. The economy, obviously, is not in great shape, but I've really had to fight fear about what is going to happen. I'm looking at paying for college and getting a real job, and I'm scared. I know God provides, but somehow, that wasn't calming my heart. 

But God hit me with this today. He brought peace to my heart, and maybe I'm starting to understand with my heart, hear Him with real ears. 

All the gospels have some story of Jesus calling the two sets of fisherman brothers, Peter and Andrew, James and John. But Luke 5 tells a story that I didn't really remember. 

Jesus gets into Peter's boat to teach the people. When He's done, He tells Peter to go and catch fish. Peter explains they tried and caught nothing the whole night, but they would go because Jesus said. They drop the nets and they start breaking because there are so many fish. They call Zebedee and his sons to come help, but both boats start to sink because there are so many fish. They get to shore and left the boats, the fish, and everything and follow Jesus. 

Jesus called them to do a hard thing - to leave their jobs, source of income, families - and follow Him, become a disciple, have a new identity, become just like Him. But as He called them, He showed them He would provide. He would provide everything they needed. 

I'm privileged to know a guy named William Netherland. He's an amazing musician, but even more he's a deep thinker and follower of Christ. He said this:

Sometimes we think by serving God we'll have everything, but serving God is everything. If Jesus is who He says He is, if He is who the Prophets say He is, who the Apostles testified Him to be after His death, who cares [about having anything]? So what if I don't have ____? I have EVERYTHING! 

What if we lived like that? If we lived like Jesus intended for us to live, even if we lived like the Apostles lived -sinners though they were- we would change the world. 

I want to change the world.

I know I am loved by the King

"I know I am loved by the King and it makes my heart want to sing..."

I saw this quote, which is part of a song by Chris Tomlin, and it just jerked something inside of me. 

The King loves me. 

• Me! with all my pitiful mistakes, my repeat failures, my willful disobedience, my flaws and shortcomings. 
  
• Me! with all my lofty dreams and misplaced priorities and great imagination- all the things He must prick and rupture. 
  
• Me! the sinner He died to save long before I even knew or cared that He existed. 
  
• Me! now the sinner saved by grace, who keeps testing the limits of that grace -albeit often unconsciously- as I  stray and sin, yet again.
  

me. 

The King loves me. 

How, why, I do not know. But if I know even the littlest part of this truth (because Truth is Truth, even if we don't understand all of it yet), that The King loves me, how can I not sing? How can I not LIVE - truly live, as in the zoe life, abundant life, the life that is Christ? How can I desire sin, much less actually do anything that would in any way separate me from this King?

I know sanctification is process, it takes a lifetime, my old man is struggling with the new life in Christ, yada yada yada. I get that. We can't just jump from point A to point B and be done with it. 

BUT IT SEEMS TO ME that there should come a point of no return. A time when I realize all that I have in Christ and the absolute trash of the world. There should come a place where I understand, at least a little, of who Jesus The King is, and what He offers me - and this should propel me past all the entangling sin and the dead weight and the crap that beckons me to stay in and of this world. 

There should come a point when all I desire is to know Jesus, and Him crucified and risen and alive- when that is all I want, and no sin or pain or hell will keep me from pursuing this. 

Some would call this the moment of salvation, but perhaps it's more like Wesley's second work of grace or something. I don't know. But we see Paul struggling with his sin (Romans 7) long after justification and well into the process of sanctification. I think there comes a point in our Christian walk when we must choose to pursue God after we've experienced 'salvation.' I'm not making statements on predestination and that debate, or writing systematic theology to be studied by posterity (in other words, don't overanalyze what is spilling out of my gut into cyberspace). 

I'm just at a place of no return where I must choose radical discipleship or fall back and be content with the recycled religion I can spew out of my dark heart so easily. 

What would my life look like if I actually lived as if "I know I am loved by the King." I think my heart would be doing more than singing - I think it would be changing the world. 

I've been told that the only appropriate answer to radical grace is radical discipleship. I've been given radical grace. Let's see what radical discipleship looks like. 

Polls and Problems

This was the front page story in my local Dallas Morning News. According to this information, many Christians,  not to mention mainstream Americans, no longer accept basic tenets of Christianity as absolute truth. Surprising? Well, no. I find it interesting nonetheless....

"As other surveys have indicated, the Pew study indicates that America has drifted slightly more secular over the decades, but overwhelming majorities continue to say they believe in God OR an "impersonal force" (92 percent), heaven (74 percent), hell (59 percent), and angels and demons active in the world (68 percent)."

Here's the interesting part:

"About seven in 10 of those surveyed said they believed that many religions can lead to eternal life and that there is more than one true interpretation of the teachings of their own religion." 

SEVENTY PERCENT of CHRISTIANS think that there is not one way to eternal life. Wow. Wouldn't have guessed that. Sorry, I forgot that everyone can be right these days, except those who belief in Truth...

If this question were addressed to everybody, then I'd expect a higher percentage of universalism. But I absolutely don't understand how a majority of all the Christian groups represented (Evangelical, Southern Baptist, mainline denoms, United Methodist, historically black churches, Catholic) can believe multiple religions can lead to eternal life. 

42% of the 36,000 interviewed said they believe that "Scripture is the literal word of God." So, let's turn to Scripture for insight, shall we?

Jesus said in John 14: "Trust in God; trust also in me...I am the Way and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well."

That's pretty clear to me. I don't see much room for wavering or waffling. Jesus was pretty good about making distinctions and drawing lines in the sand. Just ask the Pharisees...

I don't know how we, as the American Church, have strayed so far from this foundation of Christianity. But if I may speak bluntly to my brothers and sisters in the Church, I think we must examine how we approach teaching Truth. 

1. Preach the basic foundations of Christianity. PREACH THE GOSPEL! Why would anyone want to come to church for a watered down self-help course when they can get that on Oprah every day, with a lot more entertainment and from the comfort of their own couch? Please, preach the gospel! It's worked pretty well the past 2000 years.

2. Once one knows the Gospel, there is not any doubt as to the fact that Yahweh is the only God, and He manifests Himself in three persons. The only way to the Father is through Jesus the Son, as we are drawn by the Holy Spirit. I repeat: Jesus is the only way to the Father. However, there is NOT only one way to Jesus.

The way I read Scripture, Jesus came to abolish religion (man trying to please God/work his way to heaven). He did not abolish the Law, but He fulfilled it, ultimately by dying on the cross and being raised again to life. Through this, we can have a relationship with the Living God. God as the Holy Spirit lives inside of us when we have accepted Jesus as Savior and King. The point of Jesus coming to earth is to tell us that we no longer have to jump through hoops and follow rules to know God. 

So this means that I can come to know Jesus in many ways. I can know Jesus even if I'm not in church every Sunday and Wednesday and Tuesday prayer meeting. I can know Jesus even if I don't sing hymns or the latest 7-11 (7 words sung 11x) chorus. I can know Jesus even if I don't know the catechisms, but I do listen to rock music. In fact, I can find Jesus by being influenced by music, friendships, literature, other people, nature and creation, science, world events, the arts, and just about anything and everything else. 

God is not limited in His power! God can do, and will do, things in ways we would not expect!

I'm not asking the Church to compromise doctrine. I'm not asking the Church to water down its message to be seeker friendly. I am asking the Church to reach out to a lost and dying world by every means possible. Don't limit yourself to influencing non-Christians by handing them a track or dragging them to Sunday School. 

I believe with all my being that Jesus is the only way to Life and Salvation. I also believe with all my being that Jesus should be found outside of the walls of the Church and the pages of the Bible. Therefore, you and I, Christian, must live the Gospel. We must radiate Truth and Love in our relationships. We must be Jesus to a world that sees no need for Him. 

Awe

I want to be in awe of my God.

We use the term rather lightly. I've sung a thousand times the words "I stand in awe" or "Our God is an awesome God." I am convinced over time words lose their original meaning, and nowhere do I find this so true as in the language we use to refer to God.

We are entering the High Holy days on the Jewish calendar, the Days of Awe. Tonight marked the beginning of Rosh ha-Shanah, the Feast of Trumpets, the Day of Sounding the Shofar, the New Year. In ten days, the Days of Awe will culminate in Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

'Awesome' is so much more than a word that substitutes a deluge of emotions we feel, usually about something good that has happened, a synonym with 'sweet' or 'great' or 'cool.' But in a sense, 'awe' describes a whole bundle of emotions that can't be so easily packaged in another word.


Shock
Fear Wonder Unknown Amazement Mystery Numbness Power Silence


What was it like to hear the very sound of God at Sinai? What was it like to see God walking among His people in a furnace? What was it like to see God raise the dead? What was it like to see God rout His enemies in a supernatural instant? What was it like to see the physical glory of God in the desert? What was it like to see God in human flesh? What was it like to see God-in-human-flesh transfigured to look like God? What was it like to see God die? What was it like to see God resurrected? What was it like to see God walk through walls? What was it like to be in awe?

I want to know God. I want to know the holy fear of God. I want to be transformed as I see God for who He is. I want to be in awe.