I find myself longing for an eternal perspective I do not have.

I've read and am reading good books on the subject. Ted Dekker's The Slumber Of Christianity. John Bevere's Rescued and Driven By Eternity. David Shibley's Living As If Heaven Matters. I know about eternity, but it hasn't saturated my heart. None of it makes any difference if I don't allow the Holy Spirit to change me, to weave Himself into my DNA, and shift my focus beyond myself.

The world is so much greater than me and my bubble. There are problems so much greater than my test scores or my personal failures. I know this in my head, but it hasn't penetrated my heart. My priorities are mixed up, and I really don't like it. In 100 years, I won't care about anything that currently absorbs my time and focus. Yet my relationships -with God and His people- will have great significance.

I know my grandmother thinks about eternity. She has walked with God for almost 90 years, she is in constant pain, and she is ready to go home. She is much closer to seeing Jesus than I would prefer. She inspires me and challenges me in ways words cannot express. The inner strength and peace she constantly displays, despite perpetual pain and complete physical weakness, can come only from the presence of God in her life. People who check in on her say that she never complains; they always find her asleep in her chair or reading her Bible.

What an awesome reputation to have: to be at peace with God and with people in the face of extraordinary pain and challenge.

I want to be like her. I want my relationship with God to overflow into all areas of my life. I want to be at total peace, trusting God to do what He says He'll do, when He chooses to do so. I want to live so that Jesus shines through my weakness.

I am in desperate need of the gospel to rupture my bubble, the security of my world built on fantasy and falsehood, and to thrust me into a world dying without Jesus.