A New Song

I sat down, intending to write a somewhat melodramatic blog. It seems those are the easiest to write late at night when I’m kind of beaten down and exhausted. But then God showed me something that completely blew my mind.

I have this question that lurks at the back of my mind. Maybe you’ve heard it before, too. It seems to come out when I’m particularly worn out and beat up.

Is this really worth it?

Is He really worth it?

And my head knows the answer without a doubt. My heart testifies to the truth as well. But sometimes even that seems shallow, a quick fix, Sunday school answer. Of course Jesus is worth it – whatever it may mean.

And then the Spirit directed my attention to Revelation 5:

9 And they sang a new song, saying:

“You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased for God
persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.
10 You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth.”

And it struck me. All throughout the Psalms, we’re commanded to sing a new song to the Lord. THIS is the new song.

U2 has this awesome song simply called “40,” based off of Psalm 40. My senior year of high school I taught a chapel service based off the two. This is Bono’s version:

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He lifted me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long? How long? How long?
How long? To sing this song?

The chorus of “How long?” doesn’t come from Psalm 40, but it’s something David asked God 22 times in the Psalms. How long? How long til I know Your plan? How long will this be screwed up? How long until You show up?

How long?

But if Revelation 5 is the “New Song,” then I know the answer to “How long?”

I will sing this song every day of my life, caught in the middle of the Now and the Not Yet.

Jesus has been slain and resurrected, and He has purchased men for God from every tribe and nation and tongue! But they don’t know it yet. And we are not yet a kingdom of priests reigning on the earth. But this is our hope! God will fulfill His word.

There are times when the tension of the Now and the Not Yet threatens to overwhelm me, when the only song my heart wants to sing is “How long?”

But then I am reminded that it is God who puts

“a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.”

So I will sing this song til the day I die or Christ returns.

He is worthy. Jesus is worth it. He has purchased men from every tribe and nation and language with His blood, and He will make us into a kingdom of priests reigning on the earth.

Amen. Come Lord Jesus.

Be Ye Glad

In these days of confused situations,
In these nights of a restless remorse,
When the heart and the soul of the nation,
lay wounded and cold as a corpse.

From the grave of the innocent Adam,
comes a song bringing joy to the sad.
Oh your cry has been heard and the ransom,
has been paid up in full, Be Ye Glad.

Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,
Every debt that you ever had
Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,
Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.

From the dungeon a rumor is stirring.
You have heard it again and again.
But this time the cell keys are turning,
and outside there are faces of friends.

And though your body lay weary from wasting,
and your eyes show the sorrow they've had.
Oh the love that your heart is now tasting
has opened the gate, Be Ye Glad.

So be like lights on the rim of the water,
giving hope in a storm of the night.
Be a refuge amidst the slaughter,
for these fugitives in their flight.

For you are timeless and part of a puzzle.
You are winsome and young as a lad.
And there is no disease or no struggle,
that can pull you from God, Be Ye Glad.

Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,
Every debt that you ever had
Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,
Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.

Words and Music by M.K.Blanchard
© Gotz Music/Benson

Holy Rest

I think God has been trying to get my attention about this rest thing.

Of the Ten Commandments, I think I break 1 and 4 the most. Perhaps it is precisely because I do not take the time to rest that I forget to remember the LORD and keep Him at the center of my life. It's so much easier for me to stay in charge of my life when I don't slow down for anything.

Often it is a bout of sickness that slows me down and forces me to rest. This time, God in His sovereign grace, sent an ice storm.

A crazy ice storm has hit North Texas, and schools have been closed four days this week. Facebook tells me many of my friends are bored and stir crazy, but I'm not. This week has been a much needed time to catch up on life, on just being instead of constantly doing.

One of the issues I've been grappling with recently is this idea of rest, ceasing work, giving up everything. It's so foreign to me as an American - not doing anything so that God can do everything.

And then tonight, I was listening to Phil Vischer's talk at the Children's Pastors Conference last month. He is one of my heroes, for many reasons. Part of what he said resonated with me deeply.

I was reading Paul’s letter to Galatians – “but the fruit of the Spirit it is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.”

And for the first time it appeared to me what Paul meant. I mean, I was familiar with the fruit of the Spirit, but I had always kind of looked at it as an obligation, a duty, something else I had to do while I was saving the world. If you’re a Christian, you have to act loving, you have to act joyful, you have to be kind and patient and self-controlled. I looked at it sort of like homework – oh great, something else I have to do.

But now I saw what Paul really meant. If you’re filled with the Spirit, these attributes will flow out of you whether you want them to or not. For an apple tree, producing apples is not an obligation – it can’t be helped. No apple tree accidentally produces grapes and then says “Oh darn it, I messed up again.” An apple tree produces apples for the simple reason that it is an apple tree. And the Holy Spirit produces the fruit of the Spirit in the life of the believer for the simple reason that He is the Holy Spirit. If someone is filled with the Spirit, these attributes will fall out of him naturally and effortlessly. It can’t be avoided.

At last week's service, something struck me. There is this great line in the first verse of "In Christ Alone."

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

It struck me that the two are related. My fears are stilled when I cease striving, and surrender everything I am to Jesus. It is by surrendering and trusting Him that I "work out my salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose."

And so I hear His voice: Stop kicking against the goads. Trust Me. Let go.

Holy Respite

Tonight was a glorious respite from the insane busyness that has consumed me the past few weeks. Since Christmas break ended, I have been working nonstop. Between tutoring more kids than I can keep up with and helping with accreditation stuff at school, I've barely had time to breathe. Tonight, I was reminded why we are commanded to rest.

Of all things, a Facebook ad notified me that Tim Keller would be speaking tonight. I looked up the church, and as it was just a few minutes from where I would be tutoring, I decided to go.

A large, evangelical Anglican church was hosting the Anglican 1000 church planting summit. Tim Keller was speaking in two sessions of the conference and in the evening service open to the public. Many people came just to hear him, and left as soon as he finished. They missed a beautiful Choral Evensong service.

Tim Keller was great. I've read and listened to some of his stuff, and it's brilliant. Tonight was no exception. But I think the highlight for me was just the serenity and conviction of the Evensong service.

I love worshiping with drums and bass and electric guitar, blasting the latest of Hillsong or the like. But sometimes my soul needs the order of the high church service, not to mention the beauty of the organ and magnificent choir.

Stand, sit, and kneel with the Church universal. Soak in the the words that have been prayed millions of times across the millennia. Confess sin and rejoice in the truth of the gospel. Make a joyful noise and find hope in the peaceful silence. Be awakened to the glory of God and the beauty of His presence. Be still. Know that He is God. Know that He will be exalted in all the earth.

Glory to God the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end! Amen!

A Reflection on Faithfulness

New Year's Eve brings out the introvert in me more than any other day, I think. I'm not a huge party person to begin with, but New Year's Eve is the last day of the year I would want to party on. For me, it's a time of solemn reflection, thankfulness, and preparation.

On the whole, 2010 was rather uneventful for me. It was definitely an inbetween year. Nothing stands out as a huge landmark experience, at least compared to previous years. There was a whole lot of just normal life. School, work, family, church. In some ways, it's been a really hard year. It was much harder than I expected transitioning home from Semester. But it has also been a good year. It hasn't been exciting, but it has been good. Though it's hard to see along the way, I know I've grown a lot this year. My heart is in a much better place than it was last December. And I thank God for that! It is only by His grace.

If I had to pick a word to describe this year, it would be faithfulness. Again and again, I have seen the faithfulness of God. He has blessed me abundantly, and I am so grateful. I think this year was also about me learning what it is to be faithful. The vast majority of life is not about the beauty of the mountaintops, but being faithful in the valleys. Though the valleys are not always the most pleasant places to be, they make the mountains what they are. And for that I am grateful.

I've been thinking a lot the past month about what Stonestreet talked about in his last lectures at Semester. A lot of his material about going home well applies again to me as I look at beginning a new year well. I need to ponder on my loves, loyalties, longings, labors, and liturgies. I need to create space and schedule time for the things that really matter.

So here's to a new year. I have no idea what I'll be doing this time next year, but one thing remains sure: the faithfulness of God. He is good. And that's all that matters.

I have a dream...

I had a weird dream last night. It was definitely a dream, because there were some bizarre things about it, but it was very realistic in a lot of ways. I remember it very vividly, more so than any other dream I've had.

I was speaking in the sanctuary of our church. I'm pretty sure it was at chapel - it seemed like they were CCA kids - but it also had some elements of youth (the youth pastor's wife was speaking right before me) and YIM tour. I'm not exactly sure who I was speaking to - these were the dream-like elements I'm fuzzy on.

What is really clear though, is what I said to the audience. I had three main points, which are somewhat connected but not exactly - yet I remember smoothly transitioning between each point. While it's possible I might need to share these points with some one or some group in the future, right now I need to preach them to myself.

Enter the Great Conversation
- not just our generation and our issues
- realize the great wealth of church history and tradition
- read old books!
- interact with older, wiser people

Journal
- record what God has done
- set up standing stones
- record and track progress of personal growth

Doubt Well (from Ben Williams)
- freedom to question and doubt
- don't be a skeptic
- terrible two year old perpetually asking "why?"
- seek the truth, not just questions
- doubt in community
- rely on those who have asked questions before you
- be real and accountable with people
- realize that like love, trust is often not an emotion - it is a decision and act of the will

Leaving Part Two

I left Summit Semester and Snow Wolf Lodge for the second time today. It was much smoother than last year's departure. Saying goodbye to the staff and the lone remaining student wasn't fun, but it wasn't anything like the near despair of last year.

Being back at SWL was slightly overwhelming at first. There are so many memories that I will forever associate with a particular group of 27 students I call my Semester family. But it was also good to be with the class of 2010 and get to know them briefly. They are (were?) a great class, and I pray they transition well back into the real world.

It's possible that I may have soaked in more of this year's graduation than I did last year. Last year, I was so obsessed with getting the slide show video done that I didn't focus on much else for the last few days. Graduation was filled with high highs and low lows with the success of the video and the goodbyes that quickly followed.

This year was different. I had a week to process all the emotions of leaving, this time with a year of separation. In many ways, I want to treat this as a second chance to implement the lessons of Semester into everyday life in practical ways, such as intentionally making time for relationships, scheduling my time, and limiting media.

It was so good to again be at Snow Wolf Lodge and Summit Semester. It was different going back, kind of like Narnia. It will always be different, but it will be good. And like Narnia, trips to Snow Wolf Lodge are important in of themselves, but ultimately, the real test is how life is lived in the real world. It seems simple enough, but it much harder to live.

May I study well, live well, love well, and be faithful, for Christ and His Kingdom.