Victory in Going Home

It's been busy the past several weeks. I had surgery on my ankle/leg about a week ago. The doctor said it was a bad break and complicated for surgery, more so than he had anticipated. See, I have this philosophy that I try to apply to all areas of my life, including major injuries: "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well."

My grandmother saw her 88th birthday yesterday, an event we weren't sure would happen, even as recently as two days ago. Several times within the past year, and many times over the past five years, she has been very close to death. Each time, however, she has bounced back, regained her strength, and moved on - earning the title "Energizer Bunny." She has resilient strength that just keeps going and going. About six months ago, she first began to mention her longing to go home to heaven. Yet she fought through pneumonia and massive internal bleeding to recover, rehab, and regain her former strength. Now, though, we're coming to the end. Fluid-filled lungs and aspiration lead to imminent respiratory failure.

Though we are all grieving, we know she has had a long, full life. Through tremendous hardship, she has always displayed amazing strength and joy. It is her witness that has led two of her kids to be pastors, and a third involved in church leadership. Because of her witness, her kids and grand kids are serving God. Several times my grandmother has stared intently at the ceiling, raising up in bed and extending her arms. When asked, "What do you see?" she strongly replied, "Jesus! I see Jesus...He's right there." She's ready to go Home.

I will miss her more than I know how to express. Yet I know she will be with Jesus, free from the constant pain she has known for years. When we celebrated her birthday Tuesday night and said our rather final goodbyes, I repeated my favorite farewell message. "I love you, Nanny, and we'll see you soon." Perhaps stupid semantics, but I didn't want to say "goodbye." Death is not the end; heaven, eternity with God, is coming soon and forever. Nanny will join the great cloud of witnesses, the saints who have gone on before, but it is not permanent separation. Joy and longing for heaven, for the presence of God, should give us hope and spur us on as we live day to day.

When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the Law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 15: 54-57

Lab Practical Exam

It was about nine months ago when God first started pounding the idea of complete surrender, of giving up all autonomy, of daily taking up my cross, into my heart. I'd heard the concept expounded upon many times before, but it truly only got to my brain. It never permeated my heart and translated into actions and habits and how I live.

This concept of surrendering autonomy had come up multiple times since then, but this last week has brought a choice to see if I've actually gotten anything from this process. See, I've been given a situation where applying this concept becomes really necessary because I don't have too many options. It's almost like I'm in a lab practical exam and it's like: okay, did you really get this, or will you have to learn it the hard way?

On Wednesday I destroyed my ankle/leg sliding in softball practice. Fractured two bones, tore two ligaments, earned surgery this week. So my mobilty is extremely limited to non-existent. I'm dependent on other people for just about everything. And, oh yeah, my grandmother was hospitalized in ICU for respiratory failure, meaning she's pretty close to seeing Jesus. Once again, I'm anxious and worried about something completely out of my control.

So will I surrender and allow God to handle everything, the things I can control and the things I can't? Will I be still and allow His strength to be made perfect in my weakness?

Father, help me surrender. Help me pick up my cross. Help me stumble, ever so slowly, after You.

Fame, Fortune, and Fun

Today, Saturday, we went to a concert at Six Flags and this was the view:

I liked it, I did, but it seemed so...empty.

As I sat thinking about it while observing my surroundings, these three words came to mind: fame, fortune, and fun. Band/celebrities=fame, oil derrick=fortune, roller coasters=fun. Nothing here is inherently wrong, but it makes for a worthless life if this is one's complete goal and purpose. And for many of my peers, finding fame, fortune, and fun is everything.



...I don't want this to be my life.

I'm missing the simplicity of Guatemala, of loving God and His people, without all the American Bubble distractions.

It Is Finished!

Matthew 27:50 - And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, He gave up His spirit.

John 19:30 - When He had recieved the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished!" With that, He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.

Hark, the voice of love and mercy,
Sounds aloud from Calvary!
See, it rends the rocks asunder,
Shakes the earth and veils the sky!
"It is finished, It is finished,”
Hear the dying Savior cry.

"It is finished, " O what pleasure,

Do these charming words afford.
Heavenly blessings, without measure,
Flow to us from Christ the Lord.
“It is finished, it is finished,”
Saints the dying words record.

Finished all the types and shadows,
Of the ceremonial law;
Finished all that God had promised;
Death and hell no more shall awe.
“It is finished, it is finished,”
Saints from hence your comfort draw.


Tune your harps anew, ye seraphs;
Join to sing the pleasing theme;
Saints on earth and all in heaven,
Join to praise Immanuel’s name.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Glory to the bleeding lamb!


© 2006 Red Mountain Music
www.redmountainmusic.com

Ruptured Bubble

Yesterday I got back from Guatemala on a spring break missions trip with my school. It was amazing - far beyond my expectations.

We got to work with 561 elementary kids at a Christian school. I got to work with 50ish second graders in two classrooms. The kids are so beautiful. They are saturated with joy and love, which they freely give, though I'm the one supposed to be giving to them.

I received so much more than I could ever give away - that's just how my God is.

I went into the trip feeling completely unprepared and uncertain. I left with tears in my eyes, love in my heart, Spanish in my mind, and peace and direction in my spirit. God gave me exactly what I have been needing: conviction, correction, instruction, and unconditional love.

I still have concerns and worries - things that are of tremendous importance inside my bubble. But once again, Jesus has gently poked my bubble, ruptured my heart, and given me an eternal perspective.

• I will not stand before God on account of my SAT score being too low.
  
• It ultimately doesn't matter which college I'll attend.
• I will be judged for how I loved God and loved His people.
• It is essential that I seek God and hear His voice. Everything else...not so much.

It's amazing how quickly I forget this. But I'm learning. I'm listening. I'm trying to walk in love, because that's all that really matters.

Resurrection

Birthdays are overrated. I know, because I recently had one. But beyond the superficiality, it's made me think. About life. About my accomplishments thus far. About my failures. About dreams and goals and plans. About my calling. About who I am. And about who God wants me to be.

This past year brought many changes. Some of them were great and beautiful. But I also saw my world come to a crashing halt as hopes and dreams died a cruel death-at the hands of organized religion.

My God is a God of resurrection. My hope is in Him, and He will accomplish His plans for my life.

But it's the getting there, the waiting, the silence, the uncertainty that brings so much pain. Yet it is in these things - because of them, not in spite of them- that growth occurs. New life begins to bud. Resurrection appears.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs. The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.

My heart is parched and burning. I'm not there yet. I don't even know what "there" is. But I'm ready. I'm ready to surrender. I'm ready for God to take the brokenness and hurt. I'm ready to know His discipline. I'm ready to know the death and pain and darkness of the cross ...

...because I want to know new life. I want to know His glory. I want to know resurrection.

Wake up, O sleeper.
Rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.

Happy Hallmark Day!

I know this post is late, and I haven't posted for awhile, but this is the best I've got for today. (I'll post something serious soon, but my brain's currently on overload.)

This is what I handed out for Valentine's this year. Our school has this fundraiser of buying a flower for someone for a dollar, but I gave this to my friends and teachers instead...it's the thought that counts, right?

(Flip it over to see this:)

To clear up my sarcasm, I couldn't care less about being "politically correct," and global warming is the biggest and most expensive fraud in recent history.

If it's the thought that counts, I'll keep my dollar, the environment keeps its flower, and you get my sarcastic card. Cool?