Ruptured Bubble

New Things

2011-09-28T22:25:00.002-05:00

I was talking with a friend tonight, and it stirred up two emotions that prompted me to check this blog. She's studying abroad in South America and was talking about blogging to capture it all. It reminded me so much of my experiences at Summit Semester, which resembles a semester abroad more and more when I think about it. She also talked about how exciting my life is right now, with the changes that have happened recently. A lot of days, I'm just living, and it's easy to forget how exciting these changes actually are. But seriously:

In the past two months, I've returned from an awesome mission trip to Romania, finished college, visited S2 friends, toured a seminary, read the Harry Potter books, watched friends/mentors transition to new stages of life, started working part-time at the church, purchased potential play-off tickets for the Rangers, and begun investing in a small group.

Obviously, some of those things are more significant than others, but they all make me very happy.

I came back from Romania excited for the future, but it was founded out of trusting God and being encouraged by what He was doing in other people. But since then, He has thrown open doors, almost before I could ask, and definitely beyond what I could ask or imagine. While I still find myself having to fight getting ahead of God, it has been very encouraging. In the midst of all this, I have to remind myself to trust and wait. I have to remind myself that God is good. And I think that's the main reason I write blogs like this, to look back at standing stones and remember.

Zakar - remember and live, because God is faithful.

Waiting On God

2011-09-25T22:25:00.002-05:00

EDIT: This is a couple weeks old, but still worth posting, I think.

I find that I can grasp a better perspective when I'm flying at 30,000 feet. The matters that are so pressing on the ground are mere specks, and I wonder what the whole universe must look like when God looks down. Sometimes I need to be reminded He's got the whole world in His hands.

Anyways, while flying home yesterday, I was journaling. I won't bore you with most of it, but something really stuck out to me.

See, for the past several years, when well-meaning people have asked some version of that dreaded question - what do you want to be when you grow up? - I've sketched the broad goal of my life as I know it and usually finish with something like, "I'm waiting on God to see what's next." And I've had multiple, unrelated people say almost the exact same thing: "Well, waiting on God is very good place to be in."

I smile and nod, because I know it's true, but the impatient part of me wants to mutter, "Oh yeah? It'd really be nice to know what's going on..."

But I think I've realized why I've never gotten it before. Here's what I wrote last night.

For far too long, I've been waiting on God to do something - to reveal His plan, or at least the next step, to open up a door, to direct friendships and relationships, or just to speak. But if I'm waiting on anything other than God Himself, I will never be satisfied, for nothing else can satisfy. But if my desire is God Himself, nothing else matters - where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing. I'm not waiting for the next big event or a list of instructions or for the right people to show up. I'm listening for God Himself and what He wants me to do in this moment. I'm walking in step with the Spirit, covered in the dust of the Rabbi. Indeed, waiting on God is a good place, a good state to be in. Waiting on God to do something I think He should do is a miserable state to be in, for it, by nature, cannot satisfy. Only God Himself can do that.

Psalm 62

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.

Discipine and Delight

2011-06-04T23:23:00.004-05:00

Delight must be pursued through the process of discipline.

Or in other words, discipline facilitates delight. Discipline helps me create a well-ordered heart so I can love Jesus well. And I think that's what's really central to this whole idea. Discipline continually prepares my heart for worship.

My life can look really good on the outside, and my heart can be a mess. I can be disciplined - going through the motions, checking off Bible reading and church attendance, and my heart can be dead. Or there are times when I can be super excited about God, but experiencing no real growth because the excitement is emotional and ungrounded. Real, sustainable growth requires both discipline and delight.

About five months ago, I put down a tile floor in our house. It's the self-stick tile, so it wasn't that complicated, but I was proud of tackling my first major home improvement project on my own. Recently, some of the tiles in the bathroom have been pushing up, and we've noticed a little water on the floor after showering. Though I caulked and everything was theoretically sealed, water would seep through some of the tiles. Over the past month, we've taken extra care to avoid dripping water and cleaning it up. The water stopped seeping through and everything seemed okay.

Today I went to glue down the tiles that hadn't stuck well, and realized the whole bathroom area floor was soaked. Mold was growing, and none of the tiles were usable. From the outside, it still looked fine. There were a few flaws, a few tiles that appeared to need minor damage control, and a small problem that needed extra care, but nothing indicated a huge problem. And yet it's the inside that counts. I don't know how we hadn't smelled it yet, but once the water and mold was fully revealed, there was no denying the issue. Minor touchups were no longer on the table. Full force replacement was now necessary.

My heart can be the same way. My life can look pretty good on the outside, but once you get past the minor exterior damage, nothing short of full restoration can satisfy.

Discipline is a process that allows good maintenance. It makes me aware of the issues that need to be addressed in my heart before they come spilling out and damaging everything I'm involved in. This isn't to say by practicing the disciplines I fix myself, but rather, I am intentionally and regularly presenting and surrendering myself to God, expecting Him to be at work in me.

Duty, Delight, and Discipline

2011-06-03T09:33:00.000-05:00

"Often, discipline has to jump start desire."

The Christian life shouldn't revolve around duty, things we have to do to check off a list or get God's approval. Indeed, as Piper and Lewis have noted, we should find true joy and delight in knowing God. "In commanding us to glorify Him, God is inviting us to enjoy Him," writes Lewis, commenting on the catechism. Piper tweaks the catechism itself: "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever."

In my original post, I was contemplating the statement "If I learn to love, then I will obey" and how my focus needs to be first on loving Jesus before a checklist of things I should do. And that's still true. But this is where discipline comes in.

Discipline allows my heart to keep my focus on loving Jesus, because I am prone to wander. Loving Jesus doesn't just happen most of the time, at least not if I want to love Him well. Loving Jesus means being intentional about studying the Word and making time to listen to His voice and surrendering myself and taking up my cross each new day.

Discipline isn't an added burden to the relationship of Christianity. It's an essential part of what allows that relationship to exist in the first place. Friendships just don't happen. They have to be intentionally cultivated. There may be seasons of closeness and joy, and seasons of separation, but throughout it all, there has to be some intentional interaction for the relationship to continue.

Discipline isn't easy, but it should become a delight and not a duty. If I want to delight in playing a sport, I have to be disciplined about how I exercise and eat and practice the game. The discipline allows the sport to be delightful, but delight must be pursued through the process of discipline.

Duty and Delight

2011-06-02T09:12:00.003-05:00

"When I surrender everything to Him and focus on just loving Jesus, my checklist isn't so important, and sanctification takes care of itself."

This is a concept I've wrestled with a lot the past three years, as I've sat under Jeff, the current youth pastor at church. His life verse is Philippians 2 - "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose." His emphasis is that our work is to surrender and do nothing - not try to fix our selves or become better Christians - and let God do what He will in us. He says that as American Christians, we really struggle with works based salvation, regardless of what we profess to believe. And I can't deny that American culture certainly elevates independence and Lone Rangers and pulling yourself up by the bootstraps.

I disagree mildly about how Jeff applies this though. He once told the youth group not to read their Bibles until they wanted to. His point is extremely valid, especially for kids who have grown up in the church with a checklist of dos and don'ts. And I think it's a great exercise, for a set period of time. Because when it comes down to it, human hearts are prone to wander and to desire things that shouldn't be desired. Far too often, as Lewis explains, our experiences with joy leaves us chasing more stuff instead of pointing us to the only source of Joy.

I want to delight in God and in communion with Him through serious study of His Word. But sometimes, the delight just isn't there. And while I agree that resorting to duty isn't the point of Christianity, there has to be a balance. I'm coming to discover that often, discipline has to jump start desire.

Love and Obey

2011-06-01T23:59:00.000-05:00

For some reason, the Bible songs I learned as a little kid have been randomly skirting through my head. I guess after 10+ years of lying dormant in the dark recesses of my mind, they wanted to be remembered. Particularly, a Donut Man song has made me ponder recently.

Picking up my socks, hanging up my clothes, helping with the dishes, doing what I'm told. It's just another way of saying "Lord I love you."

You teach me in your word, to love is to obey. And if I learn to love, then I will obey. It's just another way of saying "Lord I love you."

To love and obey, it's the only way, even if it's not the easiest thing to do.

Wow. I'm a little impressed with my memory. Didn't know until just now I could whip out the whole song. It's just this one line that has kept me thinking

And if I learn to love, then I will obey.

I feel like sometimes in the midst of all the things I do, I forget that at the end of the day, my only duty and delight is to love Jesus. When I surrender everything to Him and focus on just loving Jesus, my checklist isn't so important, and sanctification takes care of itself. For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.

Chesterton has this great line about if you have a fixed heart, then you have a free hand.

It all comes back to the heart. Orthokardia.

"Take Heart"

2011-05-09T23:02:00.006-05:00

Take heart
His love leads us through the night
Hold on to hope
Take courage again

All our troubles
All our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failures
All our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
All our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our burdens
All our shame
God our freedom
He has overcome

All our troubles and
All our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failures and
All our fear
God our love
He has overcome

God our justice
God our grace
God our freedom
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome

"Take Heart" from Hillsong United's Aftermath. It's been on repeat today.

Good Day!

2011-04-01T21:25:00.004-05:00

Today was a really good day.

I've had this song on repeat the past two nights, and it's finally starting to sink in. God has made me a new creation, and though I've known that for a long time, my heart is just now starting to rejoice in the understanding of it.

Today I started a sprint through the Bible. Reading about 14 chapters a day, I should finish the whole Bible cover to cover, in the next 90 days. The plan is found here, though I'm tweaking it a little because I'd much rather read another ten verses than split up the middle of a passage. It's one of those context things that bugs me... But I'm really excited to get an overview of The Story quickly - and to focus on the context of the whole Gospel.

And last and regrettably least by eternal standards, today was Opening Day for the 2011 Defending American League Champion Texas Rangers. I couldn't have been more excited. It was a great game, with our offense finally showing back up and a win of 9-5 over the Boston Red Sox. And after Borbon's error in the first play of the game, it was fitting that David Murphy pinch hit and broke the tie with a two-run double. I was happy.

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and days that are just plain fun!

Happiness v. Holiness

2011-03-30T23:00:00.004-05:00

It's not about my happiness. It never has been! It's about holiness - mine becoming like His - so that He may be glorified.

If only I could remember the simple things like this...

A Small Enough Worldview

2011-03-22T23:38:00.001-05:00

I am grateful that the Christian worldview is big enough for the world. It’s big enough to sustain questions of eternal destinies, and it’s big enough when disasters seem to question God’s sovereignty and His goodness.

But tonight, I am particularly grateful that the Christian worldview is small enough for the mundane things of life. “God is so great that all things bring Him glory if we mean they should” – even chemistry problems that have to be re-taught three times and vocab words that are never quite pronounced right. So often I forget that there’s more to it than trying to help kids not fail a class or getting them caught up to the right reading level. It’s about bringing God glory in everything – especially in the seemingly trivial stuff, where I’m so tempted to think it doesn’t matter.

Life isn’t lived on the mountaintops, but that isn’t to say I spend my time walking through the valley of the shadow of death either. Most of life seems to be just walking, one foot in front of the other. From what I understand of parenting, for all its joys, there is also a whole lot of exhaustion from sleepless nights and endless dirty diapers. From what I know of being a student, the joy of acing a final and moving on comes only after memorizing endless lists of proximate causes for meaningless wars that never should have been fought, much less remembered for posterity. But we change the diapers and learn the facts because it’s not just about the here and now. There’s something much bigger at stake.

There’s this Kingdom of the Now and the Not Yet, and it gives me great hope. For even a cup of water offered in the name of the King is worth rewarding. The smallest and the least of these are not cast off; it is not only the important and the daring acts that are remembered. A King is coming, redeeming every part of life and work and society, and someday, in His Kingdom, He will make all things new.

Until then, there’s a tension we’ll never escape. And because of this tension, my head might always wonder that the supplementary angles and the perpendicular lines I taught today really aren’t as important as what the next guy is doing for the Kingdom. But it turns out that faithfulness and obedience are more important than racking up cool and impressive points. It turns out that even the littlest things that bring God’s rule and reign to life – a smile, an intentional moment of encouragement, a perseverance in doing the right thing – are important, because there is nothing that escapes the Lordship of Christ. He is King of chemistry just as He is King of Cambodia.

This isn’t to shy away from the big things He calls us to, but to realize we are to be faithful with little, or what may seem little, until He entrusts us with more. God doesn’t waste time or circumstances. He’s never late, though He may miss many opportunities to be early. Looking at things practically, it seems Israel would have been better off if Moses had shown up with the Exodus 40 years earlier or if David didn’t waste half his life waiting to replace Saul. It seems Jesus could have done a lot more important stuff if He wasn’t fixing chairs and hauling around rocks until He was thirty. But there’s something about waiting, something about just living, day to day, in and out, that God must value. There must be something about living out His Kingdom in math tutoring and in the grocery checkout line and in paper pushing and cleaning up after kids. There’s something reassuring about realizing faithfulness isn’t how many mountains I can throw into the sea, but how I live in the daily life of the Now and the Not Yet – studying, working, eating, shopping, playing, resting – glorifying God.

It’s not to say I’ve mastered this; on the contrary, I’ve just been convicted. If there’s anything I habitually fail at, it’s the command to remember – zakar in Hebrew. It carries an understanding of not just a recollection of fact, but of an understanding that impacts how one lives. Remember the Lord your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. Remember God and His goodness. Remember and trust Him. Remember and live.

A New Song

2011-02-27T23:29:00.010-06:00

I sat down, intending to write a somewhat melodramatic blog. It seems those are the easiest to write late at night when I’m kind of beaten down and exhausted. But then God showed me something that completely blew my mind.

I have this question that lurks at the back of my mind. Maybe you’ve heard it before, too. It seems to come out when I’m particularly worn out and beat up.

Is this really worth it?

Is He really worth it?

And my head knows the answer without a doubt. My heart testifies to the truth as well. But sometimes even that seems shallow, a quick fix, Sunday school answer. Of course Jesus is worth it – whatever it may mean.

And then the Spirit directed my attention to Revelation 5:

9 And they sang a new song, saying:

“You are worthy to take the scroll
and to open its seals,
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased for God
persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.
10 You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth.”

And it struck me. All throughout the Psalms, we’re commanded to sing a new song to the Lord. THIS is the new song.

U2 has this awesome song simply called “40,” based off of Psalm 40. My senior year of high school I taught a chapel service based off the two. This is Bono’s version:

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He lifted me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song?
How long to sing this song?
How long? How long? How long?
How long? To sing this song?

The chorus of “How long?” doesn’t come from Psalm 40, but it’s something David asked God 22 times in the Psalms. How long? How long til I know Your plan? How long will this be screwed up? How long until You show up?

How long?

But if Revelation 5 is the “New Song,” then I know the answer to “How long?”

I will sing this song every day of my life, caught in the middle of the Now and the Not Yet.

Jesus has been slain and resurrected, and He has purchased men for God from every tribe and nation and tongue! But they don’t know it yet. And we are not yet a kingdom of priests reigning on the earth. But this is our hope! God will fulfill His word.

There are times when the tension of the Now and the Not Yet threatens to overwhelm me, when the only song my heart wants to sing is “How long?”

But then I am reminded that it is God who puts

“a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.”

So I will sing this song til the day I die or Christ returns.

He is worthy. Jesus is worth it. He has purchased men from every tribe and nation and language with His blood, and He will make us into a kingdom of priests reigning on the earth.

Amen. Come Lord Jesus.

Be Ye Glad

2011-02-24T23:02:00.002-06:00

In these days of confused situations,
In these nights of a restless remorse,
When the heart and the soul of the nation,
lay wounded and cold as a corpse.
From the grave of the innocent Adam,
comes a song bringing joy to the sad.
Oh your cry has been heard and the ransom,
has been paid up in full, Be Ye Glad.
Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,
Every debt that you ever had
Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,
Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.
From the dungeon a rumor is stirring.
You have heard it again and again.
But this time the cell keys are turning,
and outside there are faces of friends.
And though your body lay weary from wasting,
and your eyes show the sorrow they've had.
Oh the love that your heart is now tasting
has opened the gate, Be Ye Glad.
So be like lights on the rim of the water,
giving hope in a storm of the night.
Be a refuge amidst the slaughter,
for these fugitives in their flight.
For you are timeless and part of a puzzle.
You are winsome and young as a lad.
And there is no disease or no struggle,
that can pull you from God, Be Ye Glad.
Oh, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad,
Every debt that you ever had
Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord,
Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad, Be Ye Glad.
Words and Music by M.K.Blanchard
© Gotz Music/Benson

Holy Rest

2011-02-03T23:10:00.004-06:00

I think God has been trying to get my attention about this rest thing.

Of the Ten Commandments, I think I break 1 and 4 the most. Perhaps it is precisely because I do not take the time to rest that I forget to remember the LORD and keep Him at the center of my life. It's so much easier for me to stay in charge of my life when I don't slow down for anything.

Often it is a bout of sickness that slows me down and forces me to rest. This time, God in His sovereign grace, sent an ice storm.

A crazy ice storm has hit North Texas, and schools have been closed four days this week. Facebook tells me many of my friends are bored and stir crazy, but I'm not. This week has been a much needed time to catch up on life, on just being instead of constantly doing.

One of the issues I've been grappling with recently is this idea of rest, ceasing work, giving up everything. It's so foreign to me as an American - not doing anything so that God can do everything.

And then tonight, I was listening to Phil Vischer's talk at the Children's Pastors Conference last month. He is one of my heroes, for many reasons. Part of what he said resonated with me deeply.

I was reading Paul’s letter to Galatians – “but the fruit of the Spirit it is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.”

And for the first time it appeared to me what Paul meant. I mean, I was familiar with the fruit of the Spirit, but I had always kind of looked at it as an obligation, a duty, something else I had to do while I was saving the world. If you’re a Christian, you have to act loving, you have to act joyful, you have to be kind and patient and self-controlled. I looked at it sort of like homework – oh great, something else I have to do.

But now I saw what Paul really meant. If you’re filled with the Spirit, these attributes will flow out of you whether you want them to or not. For an apple tree, producing apples is not an obligation – it can’t be helped. No apple tree accidentally produces grapes and then says “Oh darn it, I messed up again.” An apple tree produces apples for the simple reason that it is an apple tree. And the Holy Spirit produces the fruit of the Spirit in the life of the believer for the simple reason that He is the Holy Spirit. If someone is filled with the Spirit, these attributes will fall out of him naturally and effortlessly. It can’t be avoided.

At last week's service, something struck me. There is this great line in the first verse of "In Christ Alone."

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

It struck me that the two are related. My fears are stilled when I cease striving, and surrender everything I am to Jesus. It is by surrendering and trusting Him that I "work out my salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in me to will and to act according to His good purpose."

And so I hear His voice: Stop kicking against the goads. Trust Me. Let go.

Holy Respite

2011-01-25T22:55:00.005-06:00

Tonight was a glorious respite from the insane busyness that has consumed me the past few weeks. Since Christmas break ended, I have been working nonstop. Between tutoring more kids than I can keep up with and helping with accreditation stuff at school, I've barely had time to breathe. Tonight, I was reminded why we are commanded to rest.

Of all things, a Facebook ad notified me that Tim Keller would be speaking tonight. I looked up the church, and as it was just a few minutes from where I would be tutoring, I decided to go.

A large, evangelical Anglican church was hosting the Anglican 1000 church planting summit. Tim Keller was speaking in two sessions of the conference and in the evening service open to the public. Many people came just to hear him, and left as soon as he finished. They missed a beautiful Choral Evensong service.

Tim Keller was great. I've read and listened to some of his stuff, and it's brilliant. Tonight was no exception. But I think the highlight for me was just the serenity and conviction of the Evensong service.

I love worshiping with drums and bass and electric guitar, blasting the latest of Hillsong or the like. But sometimes my soul needs the order of the high church service, not to mention the beauty of the organ and magnificent choir.

Stand, sit, and kneel with the Church universal. Soak in the the words that have been prayed millions of times across the millennia. Confess sin and rejoice in the truth of the gospel. Make a joyful noise and find hope in the peaceful silence. Be awakened to the glory of God and the beauty of His presence. Be still. Know that He is God. Know that He will be exalted in all the earth.

Glory to God the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Ghost, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end! Amen!

A Reflection on Faithfulness

2010-12-31T23:42:00.004-06:00

New Year's Eve brings out the introvert in me more than any other day, I think. I'm not a huge party person to begin with, but New Year's Eve is the last day of the year I would want to party on. For me, it's a time of solemn reflection, thankfulness, and preparation.

On the whole, 2010 was rather uneventful for me. It was definitely an inbetween year. Nothing stands out as a huge landmark experience, at least compared to previous years. There was a whole lot of just normal life. School, work, family, church. In some ways, it's been a really hard year. It was much harder than I expected transitioning home from Semester. But it has also been a good year. It hasn't been exciting, but it has been good. Though it's hard to see along the way, I know I've grown a lot this year. My heart is in a much better place than it was last December. And I thank God for that! It is only by His grace.

If I had to pick a word to describe this year, it would be faithfulness. Again and again, I have seen the faithfulness of God. He has blessed me abundantly, and I am so grateful. I think this year was also about me learning what it is to be faithful. The vast majority of life is not about the beauty of the mountaintops, but being faithful in the valleys. Though the valleys are not always the most pleasant places to be, they make the mountains what they are. And for that I am grateful.

I've been thinking a lot the past month about what Stonestreet talked about in his last lectures at Semester. A lot of his material about going home well applies again to me as I look at beginning a new year well. I need to ponder on my loves, loyalties, longings, labors, and liturgies. I need to create space and schedule time for the things that really matter.

So here's to a new year. I have no idea what I'll be doing this time next year, but one thing remains sure: the faithfulness of God. He is good. And that's all that matters.

I have a dream...

2010-12-29T23:13:00.002-06:00

I had a weird dream last night. It was definitely a dream, because there were some bizarre things about it, but it was very realistic in a lot of ways. I remember it very vividly, more so than any other dream I've had.

I was speaking in the sanctuary of our church. I'm pretty sure it was at chapel - it seemed like they were CCA kids - but it also had some elements of youth (the youth pastor's wife was speaking right before me) and YIM tour. I'm not exactly sure who I was speaking to - these were the dream-like elements I'm fuzzy on.

What is really clear though, is what I said to the audience. I had three main points, which are somewhat connected but not exactly - yet I remember smoothly transitioning between each point. While it's possible I might need to share these points with some one or some group in the future, right now I need to preach them to myself.

Enter the Great Conversation
- not just our generation and our issues
- realize the great wealth of church history and tradition
- read old books!
- interact with older, wiser people

Journal
- record what God has done
- set up standing stones
- record and track progress of personal growth

Doubt Well (from Ben Williams)
- freedom to question and doubt
- don't be a skeptic
- terrible two year old perpetually asking "why?"
- seek the truth, not just questions
- doubt in community
- rely on those who have asked questions before you
- be real and accountable with people
- realize that like love, trust is often not an emotion - it is a decision and act of the will

Leaving Part Two

2010-12-05T20:05:00.002-06:00

I left Summit Semester and Snow Wolf Lodge for the second time today. It was much smoother than last year's departure. Saying goodbye to the staff and the lone remaining student wasn't fun, but it wasn't anything like the near despair of last year.

Being back at SWL was slightly overwhelming at first. There are so many memories that I will forever associate with a particular group of 27 students I call my Semester family. But it was also good to be with the class of 2010 and get to know them briefly. They are (were?) a great class, and I pray they transition well back into the real world.

It's possible that I may have soaked in more of this year's graduation than I did last year. Last year, I was so obsessed with getting the slide show video done that I didn't focus on much else for the last few days. Graduation was filled with high highs and low lows with the success of the video and the goodbyes that quickly followed.

This year was different. I had a week to process all the emotions of leaving, this time with a year of separation. In many ways, I want to treat this as a second chance to implement the lessons of Semester into everyday life in practical ways, such as intentionally making time for relationships, scheduling my time, and limiting media.

It was so good to again be at Snow Wolf Lodge and Summit Semester. It was different going back, kind of like Narnia. It will always be different, but it will be good. And like Narnia, trips to Snow Wolf Lodge are important in of themselves, but ultimately, the real test is how life is lived in the real world. It seems simple enough, but it much harder to live.

May I study well, live well, love well, and be faithful, for Christ and His Kingdom.

Summit Semester Take Two

2010-11-28T14:43:00.007-06:00

I don't have the words for an eloquent post. I've already tried twice. But I do have a lot of raw emotion I want to process here. So here are some random thoughts.

I'm back at Summit Semester, visiting for a week. It's kind of weird. Good, but oh so different. And yet, it's so similar at the exact same time.
One year ago today, I pulled away from Snow Wolf Lodge, tears streaming down my cheeks. Today, I'm hanging out with the awesome class of 2010, watching them process all of the emotions that come with their graduation week.
Time is a funny thing. In some ways, Semester feels like it was a lifetime ago, almost like a dream. In other ways, it seems like it was just yesterday.
I'm glad to be back at Snow Wolf Lodge, even without all the people my memories are associated with. I've spent a good deal of time just staring at the stars. I haven't really seen those in a year. There is peace, stillness, quietness that I haven't heard in a long time.
As much as I love the geographic location of Snow Wolf Lodge, it's really the people that make Summit Semester. I miss the community of 2009. This morning I again hugged friends goodbye as they left to return to school after a whirlwind roadtrip. I'm grateful for the opportunity to linger a few days longer, but I wasn't prepared for how very different it feels with new nametags on the doors and different faces in the halls.
That being said, I'm glad to get to know this class of 2010 at least a little bit. There are really great kids here. In some ways, nothing has changed. Some thirty young people have again gathered, absorbing all the knowledge their minds can hold, joyfully enjoying friendships, and asking the hardest questions of life. I've already had several great conversations, and I'm looking forward to more in the days to come.
As I walked the road and looked at the stars the first evening we arrived, I was struck by something very significant. I'm not the same person that walked down this road a year ago. I distinctly remember one particular walk down that road with Naomi as I wrestled to understand what it means to trust God. A year later, the answers to "what's next" aren't any closer. But my heart is at peace. I can say with confidence that my God is good, and I can and will trust Him when I don't know where we're going.
I can't express the impact Summit Semester made on my life. I learned so much and experienced a lot of growth. So I was almost surprised when God showed me something as I walked along the road. I've grown more in Carrollton this past year than I did at Semester. I guess in some ways that shouldn't be a surprise, but I wasn't expecting to discover that. This past year has been hard, in many ways. But having come to a milestone of this season of my life, I can look back and see growth that definitely wasn't here when I left SWL. (I've wrestled to trust God and know God this year, and I have grown in those areas. I might add that I haven't grown nearly enough, but that's part of life. When God is infinite and I am not, there is always more to learn.)
Finally, I random came across a quote in the church bulletin from this morning that resonated with all of this. Jeff Daley, the pastor at Grace Church in Pagosa for many years, recently moved to a different town, and the church here is in a time of transition as they look for a pastor. In the bulletin they printed: "Please remember Pastor Jeff's wise departing words for us: 'What happens to us while we are waiting is more important than what we are waiting for.'"
I have no idea "what I'm waiting for." But that's not the point. The point is that God has a plan, and His plan is good, because He is good. And He is working out His plan in me, even when it's hard or it seems like I'm stuck or I'm just frustrated and confused. He isn't wasting the "waiting times" of my life. Rather, it is through these very times that He is forming and transforming me into who He is calling me to be.

Dying Well

2010-11-01T23:19:00.003-05:00

So after a brief hiatus, I'm kind of picking up where I left off. It's All Saints Day. In addition to having "For All the Saints" running through my head, I've been thinking about the cloud of witnesses that surrounds us. Really, more like one person in particular.

My grandmother taught me how to die. Now, she taught me many other things through her words and example. But she truly showed me what it means to die well.

Nanny, as all the grandkids called her, was in excellent health until the last few years of her life. These were very painful as she suffered severe osteoporosis and a host of other issues. Yet, as attested by her family and friends, she never complained. She always fought to regain her strength and be there for us, even as she experienced strenuous medical issues. After recovering from multiple falls, gall stones, and pancreatitis, she earned the nickname Energizer Bunny.

In her final months, she told us several times that she longed to go Home. She was ready to be with Jesus. But even still, she fought to live to the fullest in every moment she was given.

A few days before she died, my uncles were in her hospital room discussing sports. Nanny was fading, often in and out of consciousness and lucidness at that point. Yet she was well aware of one thing. "The Rangers lost. Lauren won't be happy." For a couple years, the majority of my summer nights were spent with Mom and Nanny, hanging out at her apartment, watching the Rangers, talking about anything and everything, and helping Nanny with her evening routine.

Tonight, the Rangers lost game five of the World Series, and I can't say I'm happy. But there are so many bigger things in life, matters of life and death, matters of eternity. Nanny lived out what it meant to trust God, even when life was living hell. She had a confident faith and a gracious strength. She never quit fighting, even to her very last days. On her 88th birthday, her whole family gathered in her hospital room. She told each one of us that she loved us and was proud of us. Two days later, God took her Home, and I'm sure she heard the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

May I strive for that, as she did, every day of my life, and may I live and die well, to the glory of God.

O blest communion, fellowship divine!
We feebly struggle, they in glory shine;
All are one in Thee, for all are Thine.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

O may Thy soldiers, faithful, true and bold,
Fight as the saints who nobly fought of old,
And win with them the victor’s crown of gold.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

And when the strife is fierce, the warfare long,
Steals on the ear the distant triumph song,
And hearts are brave, again, and arms are strong.
Alleluia, Alleluia!

Longing for the Fullness of the Kingdom

2010-09-21T22:39:00.003-05:00

My heart has been heavy the past couple of days. The elementary principle at my old high school is on a ventilator in ICU. A freak incident at a football game - heatstroke leading to a internal temp of 107 - and his cognitive brain function may never recover, save an act of God.

There are times when I long so much for God's Kingdom that it almost hurts. We see part of it now - the Already. We know what God can do - heal and raise the dead to life - but we know that we don't always experience this in a fallen world. We long for the Not Yet - the second coming of Christ, when Death and all his friends will finally be destroyed, when all things will be made new. All nations and tribes and tongues will gather before the throne of God and sing His praises forever. The world will be how it's meant to be, how we long for it to be, because we will continually be in the presence of God.

Understanding the Christian worldview is so critical here. We have to understand that we live in God's Kingdom of the Now and the Not Yet. We still live in a fallen world, and because of what Jesus has already done, we're called to join Him in actively fighting evil. Yet we know evil and death and Satan ultimately won't be defeated until Jesus returns. We long for the Kingdom that is Not Yet fully here.

But we know the fullness of the Kingdom will come! All nations will stand before the throne of God and worship! God will fulfill His promise.

Of all the things I've learned from Perspectives, this one little snippet from Bryan Padgett has kept going through my head:

In the darkest night of my soul, I know this. I follow a God who is faithful to His promises and this is NOT where The Story ends! It may be where my story ends... but God will fulfill His promise.

Martyrs and Matters of Life and Death - Part 1

2010-09-16T21:15:00.004-05:00

The Christian faith is just as much about death as it is life.

Yet, most American Christians have no idea what a good death is. Most of them probably think that's an oxymoron.

This is one of those 'tough questions that no one else is asking' that Summit Ministries is willing to address. And I'm grateful. At the Summit student conference this summer, one line that kept coming up was "Death is not the ultimate evil." One of the four major questions we ponder for three months at Summit Semester is "What is a good death, and what good is death?"

We have Life because of the Good Death - the death of the Son of God on a cross. And we are given this Life when we too die. I am commanded to daily pick up my cross and follow Jesus, for I am crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me.

We don't really understand this in the American Church today. I think there are a couple reasons why, and I'll address these in upcoming posts.
1. Our culture doesn't understand death.
2. The prosperity gospel completely skews what life, death, and success really are.
3. The American Church doesn't understand real discipleship.
4. While we need to discuss death, we are not called to cultivate a culture of death like Islam.

I don't have the references, but this definitely stuck out to me in class Monday night. In the 1800s, waves of missionaries went to Africa, even though they knew the terrible statistics. 90% of missionaries would be dead within two years of arriving in Africa. Rather than shipping their goods in trunks, they packed their belongings in their own coffins. And yet missionaries continued to come, and slowly the Gospel spread. Ralph Winter, founder of the US Center for World Missions, commented that he didn't think his generation had the guts to do that. And if his generation didn't, mine certainly doesn't.

I'm not trying to be morbid or masochistic here, but this is not an issue that can simply be ignored. To quote Jim Elliot, martyred by the Auca/Huaorani tribe in Ecuador, "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

Hope and Faithfulness

2010-09-15T23:38:00.003-05:00

Lamentations 3

²¹ Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

This passage comes in the middle of Lamentations, a book chronicling destruction like I can't even fathom. The dreams of a nation are dying with their city. And yet, God is good. God is faithful.

This passage makes my own doubt, fear, and questioning seem all the more insignificant. God will accomplish His purposes, even when all my expectations come crumbling to the ground, just as they did for Israel. God is faithful, and this is all that matters.

Hope In "Telling the World Its Own Story"

2010-09-14T22:46:00.003-05:00

Our theme for this week is hope. There are times I desperately need to be reminded of the hope and triumph of the Gospel, and this article has become one of my favorite resources.

A couple of excerpts from "Telling the World Its Own Story" by Richard John Neuhaus:

The story of God's creating love; His preparing redemption for the world; His calling a chosen people and from this people raising up a Redeemer, the Messiah; His establishing an Apostolic community of faith, the Church, that would then reach out through all times and all places and all languages and cultures. This story bearing the promise of the telos — of the end — the destiny of the Cosmos itself and God's loving purposes for the world that He so loved that He gave His only begotten Son. This is the story of the world.

It is the story of everybody in the world. Our job is to alert people to their own story and to help them understand that everything that goes on in this world, all the dimensions of human activity — if they are rightfully ordered, if they are rightfully understood — are sacred, for they are all endowed with the presence of the God of creating and redeeming love who continues to be disposed to His creation, of which He once said, "Behold it is very good." So also He invites a return to that goodness and a fulfillment of that goodness in Jesus Christ.

We have to share God's love for the world. To have a Christian world view is to love the world.

All of us who have contended to be Christian disciples, to be faithful, know times in which we are tempted to despair and to feel that we are a part not only of a minority enterprise but a failing and perhaps definitively failed enterprise. But we have not the right to despair, for despair is a sin. And finally we have not the reason to despair, quite simply because Christ has risen. And this is the strength of a Christian world view, the strength of the Christian way of telling the story of the world: it has no illusions about it. All the other stories are built upon delusions, vain dreams, and utopias.

Hope is a virtue of having looked unblinkingly into all the reasons for despair, into all of the reasons that would seem to falsify hope, and to say, "Nonetheless Christ is Lord. Nonetheless this is the story of the world. Nonetheless this is a story to which I will surrender myself day by day." Not simply on one altar call, but as the entirety of one's life, in which every day is a laying of your life on the altar of the Lord Jesus Christ being offered up in perfect sacrifice to the Father.

The Kingdom of Hope

2010-09-13T23:40:00.002-05:00

In class tonight, we talked about hope and the Kingdom of God. It wasn't mind blowing like last week's lesson, but it was a good class.

The Kingdom is obviously a major theme throughout Scripture. It's one of the things we focused on at Summit Semester. However, it's definitely something I still need mull over. It's a pretty abstract concept, at least in my head. However, two things are clear to me. It is both a physical and spiritual Kingdom. The Kingdom is in a state of being already here and not yet fully arrived. Beyond that, I'm still figuring out what it actually looks like in everyday life.

We live in a dark and fallen world, yet our response should be hope. Tom defined hope as a present belief rooted in the past but fulfilled in the future. It is something we cling to now, because we know God is faithful based on redemptive history and personal experience, knowing that He will fulfill His promises. It's a confidence that God is going to do everything He has promised, even when we are surrounded by nothing but darkness.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13

On Blessings

2010-09-12T22:00:00.002-05:00

"Blessing is a rich biblical notion that has been rather neglected in our society. Blessing in the Bible refers to God's characteristically generous and abundant giving of all good to his creatures and his continual renewal of the abundance of created life. Blessing is God's provision for human flourishing. But it is also relational: to be blessed by God is not only to know God's good gifts but to know God himself in his generous giving. Because blessing is relational, the movement of the blessing is a movement that goes out from God and returns to him. God's blessing of people overflows in their blessing of others, and, those who experience blessing from God in turn bless God, which means that they give all that creatures really can give to God: thanksgiving and praise." - Richard Bauckham, "The Story of Blessing: Prevailing Over Curse"

I think one of the major problems with the American Church is that we don't understand this concept of blessing. God blesses us so that we may bless others, and ultimately, so He will receive the glory due His Name.

However, we tend to want the blessings (both material and spiritual) without the relational quality. We value the gifts over the Giver, and we have no desire to share these gifts with others precisely because we do not know the heart of the Giver.

Remembering

2010-09-11T23:39:00.002-05:00

It's so easy to forget. We like to think we won't. We promise we won't. But we do. Whether it's simply human nature or part of our fallen nature, we forget.

God is well aware of this. In Deuteronomy, which is basically one big speech by Moses summing up the past forty years before they enter the promise land, God commands them to remember 14 times. Remember what it was like in Egypt, and remember what I have done. Remember. Remember and obey. Remember and live.

Every now and then, we do remember. A certain anniversary or date forces us to take note and pay attention, but often not for long. For most of us, life as normal resumes as soon as the formalities are over. Church attendance rose dramatically after 9/11...for all of three weeks. And then most of the country went back to life as normal.

We're given certain opportunities in life to remember. Some come in joyous occasions. Perhaps though we more often remember when we don't want to remember. As Lewis said, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world" (The Problem of Pain, 1940).

Yes, we must remember and honor those who have gone before us, those whose lives were taken and those who gave their lives to defend others.

But ultimately, we must remember Christ and what He did upon the cross and at the resurrection to redeem the world. We must remember this and live because of it - because of His name, because of His glory.

Psalm 67

2010-09-10T23:11:00.002-05:00

May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine upon us

I've heard this verse many, many times, in many church services and on many wall plaques.

What you rarely hear is the next verse.

that your ways may be known on earth,
your salvation among all nations.

Huh?

The craziness doesn't end there. It keeps going.

3 May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

4 May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you rule the peoples justly
and guide the nations of the earth.
Selah

5 May the peoples praise you, O God;
may all the peoples praise you.

6 Then the land will yield its harvest,
and God, our God, will bless us.

7 God will bless us,
and all the ends of the earth will fear him.

You mean God's blessing isn't just about us? Since when? Genesis 12? What?

1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.

2 "I will make you into a great nation
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.

3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you."

Walter Kaiser points out that both these passages have the same format - three promises of blessing and a conditional requirement - bless the nations. God's blessing is never just about us. It is always bigger than that.

Centripetal/Centrifugal

2010-09-09T22:29:00.004-05:00

Not gonna lie, I had to look up the spelling for the title words. There's a reason I'm not a physicist...or an English teacher, I guess. Anyways, what do opposing forces have to do with missions?

I had never heard this concept explained this way, but it makes a ton of sense when I think about it.

In the Old Testament, movement towards God was centripetal - everyone moved to a central location. In God's infinite wisdom, this central location was the temple, located in Jerusalem, which really is the center of the Old World. God placed His people at the conjuncture of three continents, which gave them unique access to the trade routes and all the kingdoms of the world. In the Old Testament, everyone who worshipped Yahweh, Jewish or foreign, came to Jerusalem to the the temple.

However, we see a very different pattern emerging at the command of Jesus and throughout the book of Acts. God uses the phenomenon of people coming to the temple from all over the world to start His Church at Pentecost, but this is not the norm. The 3000 people that were saved at Pentecost, and the thousands more who heard the Gospel in their own language, take this good news home with them. Jesus commands the disciples to take the Gospel to Jerusalem AND Judea and Samaria AND to the ends of the earth. The movement is now centrifugal - moving away from the center to everywhere else.

Likewise today, our goal should not be to get people to come to a church building at a particular time. Our goal should be to take the Gospel with us into the world, wherever we go. We should be meeting people where they are, rather than asking them to go out of their way to find God. Ultimately, this isn't about we need to take more missions trip, but that every moment of my day should be focused on God and His glory and how I am to reflect that glory to a lost and dying world. The normal everyday encounters I have should cease to be just that - as I begin to see each encounter as an opportunity from God to share His glory.

Light Bulb!

2010-09-08T21:54:00.004-05:00

I get it. I think I'm finally starting to get it.

For the past two years, I've known without a shadow of a doubt that I am called to mobilization - training the Church to be involved in God's global purpose for the sake of the Unreached, those who don't have access to the Gospel.

For at least the past year, I've had this acute inner struggle, wrestling with the fact that God has not called everyone to reach the Unreached. I came to grips with this fact at Semester, realizing that God calls us to different things. I'm not called to fix all the problems of America and reach the Unreached, but God will accomplish all His purposes, working through each member of the Body.

Not gonna lie, I've still been frustrated (to varying degrees) with a lot of people. I've been frustrated with the people and ministries that are focused only on reviving America. I've been frustrated with the people who do missions, but in places that already are reached with the Gospel and having a multiplying church. I've been frustrated with God, wondering why He keeps calling people to places that already have the Gospel.

(I’m very aware there isn’t (or shouldn’t be) any sacred/secular divide. The scope of redemption is the scope of creation, and therefore we are called to be agents of redemption in every area of life. At the same time, it seems we should have a particular urgency in taking the Gospel to those who have no access to it. But I digress.)

However, I'm seeing now that my whole vision and focus has been misplaced, therefore my whole perspective has been skewed. In other words, while pursuing good work for God, I've been pursuing idolatry.

My primary focus had been on the secondary motivation of missions - the people. Yeah, there are 1.7 billion who have never heard the name of Jesus. Yeah, there are 6500 people groups that are completely unreached with the Gospel. Yeah, there are tens of thousands of kids who died today because of completely preventable causes, like starvation and unclean water. Yeah, there are billions of people who are lost and dying without knowing Jesus.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!

The point is this: God's glory!

I've heard that all my life. I've been taught that in a dozen different ways by all the people who have influenced my life. Somehow I've never REALLY understood it until now. Maybe I haven't really understood what it means to "glorify God." Sure, I know the catechism. The chief end of man is to glorify God and/by enjoy/ing Him forever.

It's all about God's glory! The earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the seas! (Habakkuk 2:14) God's glory is the primary motivation for missions, for everything we do!

Every Christian has the same calling: to know Christ, and out of this relationship and a passion for His Name, show His glory to the world. Love God and because of that, love people.

If people were the main motivation, then my frustration with those not going to the Unreached would be rightly founded. But they're not, and it's not. God's glory is the motivation, and this calling unifies us as the Body of Christ, even though we each live this out in a different way. Therefore the person who goes into American politics is just as valid in his ministry as the person who goes to people who have never heard the name of Jesus (assuming both are obeying and glorifying God). It's not about location, going somewhere else or staying here! It's about knowing God, and out of that passion for His Name, faithfully fulfilling God's global purposes wherever you happen to be!

To be sure, God’s purposes are global. From Genesis 12 onward, we see that God blesses His people that they might bless all the nations of the earth. (Paul declares that this is the Gospel in Galatians 3:8.) Everything God does in redemptive history is for the glory of His Name, that all the nations might know Him (Ex. 9:16; I Sam. 17:46; Isa. 37:20, 49:6; Eze. 20:9; Dan. 9:15-9; Phil. 1:29; I Jn. 2:12). Ultimately, we know every tribe and tongue and nation will stand worshipping before the throne of God (Revelation 7:9).

Every Christian is commanded to be a part of this in some way. But it’s not about geography, where you live. It’s about obedience and submitting to the lordship of Christ. Whether I never leave Carrollton, Texas again, or I spend the rest of my days in Timbuktu, my calling remains the same as yours – to know and glorify God, that all the nations come to know His glory. We’ll live this out in different ways. God has given you a different focus (including location, vocation, passion, culture) than He has given me. But God will fulfill His global purpose, using each member of the Body for His glory.

Walking In Obedience

2010-09-07T23:36:00.002-05:00

I was talking to another friend tonight about the whole called to go/stay issue. While I am very much called to the Unreached, as Paul was, I don't want to devalue in any way those who are called to stay. However, I think the vast majority of American Christians aren't called to stay home; they just stay by default. As a mobilizer, this is what I want to challenge. No, everyone does not need to go overseas, but everyone needs to know the role they are called to play in God's Kingdom.

I love the phrase used by some of my friends who mobilize Christians in Asia. "Millions will go; millions upon millions will stay; each one will know his role."

I'm coming to see that missions really isn't about location, whether you stay or go. It's about submitting to the Lordship of Christ. If I can look Jesus in the eye and tell Him, "I'm not going to Timbuktu, or China, or fill-in-the-blank," I don't have an issue with calling or location. I have an issue with lordship.

Obedience really is key here. If I am obeying God, He will direct me and position me and use me wherever I am on the planet. God will do the same with my friends, even if they have a different overarching calling than I do.

Seeking the face of God and walking in obedience with Him is essential. Where we walk is secondary.

Bible Stories

2010-09-06T21:03:00.002-05:00

Evangelical Christianity has a huge problem with understanding Scripture in its proper context. Example A - any self help book or kitschy art in a Christian bookstore.

I think a lot of this is seen in how we approach teaching Bible stories to our children. In fact, we need to stop right there. Pick a random Sunday school class in any church in America, and chances are, while they can give you a myriad of "Bible stories," they have no idea how these stories fit together in one overarching meta-narrative or even that the Bible is one story.

How can we ever hope that these kids grow up with a Biblical worldview to be World Christians if they don't even understand the context and purpose of Scripture?

Here are just a couple examples of kids' popular Bible stories that we jerk completely out of context, both in the Biblical narrative of One Story and in the global context of Scripture. Often we look at Israel, and we equate God blessing Israel with God blessing me. To be sure, He blesses Israel, and He wants to bless us, BUT it is not for the reasons we think it is.

The Exodus

The Exodus is never just about Israel. Through the ten plagues, Yahweh is systematically destroying the Egyptian gods, ending with Pharaoh's own household. Yes, God rescues Israel, but it is much bigger than just Israel. Egypt is the world power at the time, and God displays His power that He might save Egyptians (a mixed multitude leaves with Israel - 12:38) and that the whole world will see His glory. God speaks to Pharaoh and tells him:

"But for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my Name may be proclaimed in all the earth." Exodus 9:16

David and Goliath

This is perhaps the most famous Bible story of all time. Many popular books have been written about how you can face your giants if you have faith like David. While this may be true, it's not the point of the story. David boldly faces down Goliath with confidence that doesn't come from target practice, but knowing the power of the Living God.

This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give you into our hand." I Samuel 17:46-7

Daniel

The book of Daniel is a mixed bag. It has a couple really great Sunday school stories, and then some stuff that's hard to understand, so most people really pick and choose what they like here. The story of Rack, Shack, and Benny is one of the popular chapters, but almost everyone quits reading before the end of the story. The end is the best part: Nebuchadnezzar literally writes a decree to the entire world!

Therefore I make a decree: Any people, nation, or language that speaks anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego shall be torn limb from limb, and their houses laid in ruins, for there is no other god who is able to rescue in this way." Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the province of Babylon. King Nebuchadnezzar to allpeoples, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth: Peace be multiplied to you! It has seemed good to me to show the signs and wonders that the Most High God has done for me. How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion endures from generation to generation. Daniel 3:29-4:3

The same thing happens with Daniel and his lion den incident, but by now, the Kingdom of the Medes and the Persians has conquered Babylon and the rest of the world. So this time, it's King Darius who addressed the entire world!

Then King Darius wrote to all the peoples, nations, and languages that dwell in all the earth: "Peace be multiplied to you. I make a decree, that in all my royal dominion people are to tremble and fear before the God of Daniel, for he is the living God, enduring forever; his kingdom shall never be destroyed, and his dominion shall be to the end. Daniel 6:25-6

Amen. As Habbukkuk 2:14 declares, "For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea"

Go/Stay = Both/And

2010-09-05T22:59:00.005-05:00

I was talking with a friend at lunch today about calling as it relates to going/staying. She feels called to minister to those who have heard the Gospel - or at least are in a culture familiar with the Gospel - and yet have rejected it or not truly understood it. While she supports cross-cultural missions, she is called to stay "home" (whatever that actually means...in this case, not going to a different people group).

While I support the vision God has given her and many other people I love and respect, I don't have that vision. My heart resonates with the probing question posed by Oswald Smith: Why should anyone hear the Gospel twice until everyone has heard it once? Of course, this isn't practical, nor should it be. Repeatedly being reminded of the beauty and power of the Gospel is critical to my sanctification. But my longing echoes that of Paul:

And thus I make it my ambition to preach the gospel, not where Christ has already been named, lest I build on someone else's foundation, but as it is written, "Those who have never been told of him will see, and those who have never heard will understand." - Romans 15:20-21

In class this week, I heard this described as the difference between Petrine and Pauline mission. You could say Pauline mission is going where Christ isn't; Petrine mission is going/strengthening where Christ already is.

Paul is very much about frontier missions, going to the unreached and the unengaged, those who have no contact with the Gospel in their language and culture. Peter, though not excused from cross-cultural ministry, focuses on his own people group - the Jews. Though focused on "staying home," Peter still has important cross-cultural work. He is the first to take the Gospel to Gentiles - Cornelius and his household, and he certainly is interacting with different cultures as he ministers to the church in Rome.

Both are needed. The Church must preach the Gospel and make disciples in Jerusalem AND Judea and Samaria AND the ends of the earth. We're not given an option of Israel OR the world, or Israel and THEN the world. It's definitely a BOTH/AND calling. We need Peter and Paul. Peter and Paul need each other, and they need to support each other.

Protoevangelium

2010-09-04T21:29:00.001-05:00

Genesis 3:15 - I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; He shall crush your head, and you shall bruise his heel.

Ironically, the first promise of the Gospel is spoken to Satan. The first promise of the Gospel is spoken as part of the serpent's curse, but it is humanity's hope.

Indeed, the Serpent does strike the heel of Jesus on the cross - but this was not his victory. It pleased God that Jesus might suffer (Isaiah 53) that He might triumph by the cross and ultimately, the resurrection. With His blood He "purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation" (Revelation 5:9).

The next few chapters of Genesis serve as introduction to the rest of the Story - the flood, Noah, and Babel. But the main body of The Story begins in Genesis 12 - when God calls Abram. The first three verses of Genesis 12 are critical to understanding everything that follows. In Galatians 3:8, Paul declares that these verses are the Gospel!

The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed through you."

All nations will be blessed through you. This promise comes to Abraham, then to Isaac, and again to Jacob. We see three fulfillments of this promise throughout Scripture. The first is through Abraham's family, the children of Israel. The second fulfillment of this promise is through Jesus and all who become part His family through faith. We see the ultimate fulfillment at the end of age, when there will be "a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb," as Revelation 7:9 declares.

The Gospel is not about you or me. It never has been, nor will it ever be. We are redeemed that we might become agents of redemption, that everything affected by the curse of the Fall may be restored into right relationship with God.

Lordship, Not Location

2010-09-03T23:54:00.004-05:00

Missions is not about location; it is about Lordship.

I had never heard this concept expressed so explicitly before Perspectives. For most of my life, I have understood missions in the roles of goers and senders. There are those who move geographically to spread the Gospel. Others send and support those who do to go, but they are called to stay at home personally.

However, missions ultimately is not about whether you stay or go; missions is about submitting to the Lordship of Christ completely. God often demands obedience before we know where we're going. This was the case with Abraham (Go to the land I will show you) and it certainly seems to be God's plan for me right now.

There are times I feel like I'm waiting in a cosmic game of Red Light/Green Light. It seems God likes the color red a whole lot right now. But I don't need to know where I'm going. Would I like to know where I'm going? Absolutely. But I don't need to know the plan. All I need to know, and I do know, is that God has a plan, and it is good, because He is good. It may not be particularly "safe" or line up with the timeline I have in my head, but that doesn't matter. What mattes is that I trust and obey and submit to the Lordship of Christ. He will give me the green lights as I need them, step by step.

It's easy enough to say this, sure. It's easy enough to know it in my head. But it's learning to actually live it out, to really trust God with all of my circumstances and His timing for the future that is difficult. It's something I've been struggling with for a while now - certainly the past year, and probably really the past three years. There are times this is all really frustrating, but in other instances, by the grace of God, I am slowly learning to trust Him with all of my being...

Building Babel

2010-09-02T22:35:00.003-05:00

"For His glory in global worship, God purposes to redeem a people from all peoples and rule a Kingdom over all kingdoms."

This is what God is doing all throughout Scripture, all throughout history. We see that God is a missionary God throughout the whole Bible. Contrary to popular belief, the Great Commission is not a single random verse that pops up as an afterthought. We see it, first revealed as the Cultural Mandate, from the very first verses of Genesis.

God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground. - Genesis 1:28

After the Fall and after the Flood, God gives the same command to Noah and his sons - twice (Genesis 9:1,7). We've now seen this commanded three times, and this brings us to the next major scene in the Story, the Tower of Babel.

There is an interesting dynamic at work here. The whole world speaks a single language, and there is, in essence, one culture. They decide to build a city, a tower, their own kingdom, rather than obeying the oft-emphasized command of God to take possession and fill the whole earth. "We may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth."

God intervenes. He confuses their language. "So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city." The last phrase just strikes me as funny. Perhaps it did to God, too. Here they've gone to all this trouble to build a massive zigguart or the like, to make a name for themselves so they won't have to obey God. Then he creates new languages and throws them all over the place. Construction screeches to a halt.

It's a nice Sunday school Bible story, but the conviction hits close to home in a couple of ways.

There have been many times in the past three years I've seen my plans crumble to pieces. I've often questioned why, with little response. But I'm beginning to see that in most, if not all of these situations, I was building my plans, my goals, my kingdom. Even if it was "work for God," it wasn't ultimately God's work, His call and plan for my life. Time and again, I've seen everything from career choices to small opportunities crash and be scattered to the four winds.

In some of these things, I've already begun to see God's redemption and creation of His plan in my life, and I find His plan is infinitely greater than my grandest dreams. In others, I don't really see why they weren't what God wanted, and I probably won't. That's not the point, though. The point of Babel is that God will accomplish what He commands, with or without my consent. I have to be willing to obey, regardless of the consequences it has on my plans.

I also felt convicted as a member of the American Church. We build beautiful huge buildings that sit vacant most of the week. We pour millions of dollars into programs that attract seekers and keep up with the latest technology. We don't invest heavily in the Global Church. We don't focus on obeying the command of Jesus to take the Gospel to all nations. We seem much more interested in building our own individual kingdoms. Is this true universally? No, of course not. But we have tremendous resources, more than enough to see the evangelization of every people group. Yet we don't.

The good news is this: God is actively working to redeem every culture and people that come out of the dispersion at Babel. People from every tribe and nation and tongue will stand and worship before the throne of God. The Lamb will receive the reward of His suffering.

A New Chapter

2010-09-01T22:45:00.005-05:00

We started class with one question. What obsesses God and drives Him to the point of killing His own Son?

That's a loaded question if there ever was one. There's not a short answer, either. Actually, the answer is a journey encompassing all of human history, and we're in the middle of it now.

What is so incredible that it made God pleased to destroy His Son?

That's the question initiating this exploration. I don't claim to have all the answers or even begin to understand the ones I do know. But I want to find out. I want to know God, know His heart, His passions.

I'm taking a class called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement, and I'm blogging about it. The class is basically an intense missions study, three hours every week for fifteen weeks. The blog will be daily, now until the end of the year.

I'm blogging because I need to, for several reasons. One, God has called me to write. Two, writing is the way I process just about everything. Three, I have a ton of information to process - more than enough just from the weekly lectures, not to mention the textbook and assignments...and the books I'll be reading on my own. Four, I need to practice discipline in writing - both in the daily effort and in keeping posts brief. Five, I hope and pray this will be beneficial to someone else.

I may do the daily postings over at http://missionsmobilization.blogspot.com and post highlights and more random/personal stuff here occasionally. I'm not sure yet, we'll see...

I don't know how to express how excited I am about this chapter God is opening up. I'm excited I have to hear missions experts and read articles and study missions for the next several months. It just resonates deep within my core - this is what I was created for: to know and glorify God by being involved in seeing all peoples come to worship Him.

Hanging Tightly to God's Calling

2010-08-28T23:23:00.004-05:00

Phil Vischer is one of my heroes. I admire him for many reasons, some of which I shared here. Through the painful trials of his life, God has showed him many things about what it really means to follow and obey God, and not inflate God's plans into his own desires.

Anyway, I came across this interview with Phil this week, and the closing paragraph really got my attention. Recently, I've been overwhelmed with the state of the world and what I'm supposed to do about it. But God hasn't asked me to fix the world. He hasn't even asked me to attempt that. What He has called me to do is pretty simple. Just live each day to glorify God. Trust God. Obey God. On a larger scale, ultimately I know I'm to USE MEDIA TO MOBILIZE MISSIONS. What does that look like? Well, that's what I'm finding out as I live, trust, obey.

"What I’ve learned to do is to remember very specifically what God has called me to do. It’s very easy for us to put other things onto that and the calling gets very specific over time; ‘He called me to tell stories, he called me to tell computer animated stories … with my own animation studio … in a really nice building’ and so it goes on. The same thing can happen in retailing; ‘he called me to serve the church ... in this neighbourhood … in this store … to those people … with this shelving and store layout’. But what did God actually tell you to do? Serve the church? Hang on to that tightly, hold everything else loosely." - Phil Vischer

My Life and Hebrews 12

2010-08-24T21:05:00.002-05:00

I wrote this about two weeks ago, but I haven't had regular internet access until today.

In many ways, this reflects the journey I've been on the past three years. In many ways, it specifically reflects the experiences of this summer.

Stirred dust billows high
As the cross I shouldered long ago
Scrapes the desert sand.
Falling, I scream at the cloudless sky.
"Do you know how heavy this thing is?
Have you brought me into the wilderness to die?"

The silence is shattered.
Long awaited answers come,
Not as I had hoped
But as a slap in the face.
Yet I find a gentle embrace
Awakening truth, renewing reality.

"Yes, it is heavy. I know the burden well.
But you have not yet begun
To shed your blood in this fight!
It is my blood that stained your hands.
And it is my blood that stains your heart,
Making you righteous, whiter than snow.

"I have brought you to this wilderness
Yes, you must learn to die,
But this is for my glory and your life.
Do not despise this testing.
I discipline those I love.
Strengthen your knees and run well the race."

And now the silence is all mine.
I ponder the intimacy found in the desert,
Being given what I need
But never would have chosen.
Considering the joy of Him who endured,
I fix my eyes. I will trust. I will obey.

Grace Has Brought Me Safe Thus Far...

2010-07-26T23:54:00.007-05:00

I was struck by something this week. In many ways, I'm exactly where I wanted to be four years ago. I'm a youth intern, living at home, working on school in Dallas. And yet I'm in a different world today than the one I anticipated four years ago. I'm in a completely different church, very different circumstances, and I pursuing a college path I never would have considered. To be honest, there are times this is still frustrating to me. It's not where I wanted to be. But it's EXACTLY where God wants me to be, and that is all that matters.

I'm so grateful that God gives me so many opportunities to trust Him. Many of them are not necessarily opportunities I would choose, except in this: I look back, and I see nothing but the faithfulness of God.

The past couple of weeks we've seen a transition in our church leadership that was initially very uncomfortable for me. It struck way too close to home, in that it was almost identical to the situation we experienced when our old church split apart. I was disappointed, worried, and, scared about it all - which really revealed my reluctance to trust God. I don't see the end of the situation yet, but God is so good. He's brought a new pastor who's amazing. I was privileged to sit and talk worship and missions and theology and denominations with him for almost an hour, and it was incredible. I have so many new things to think about. If only I could learn...I'm trying, and God is faithful to give me opportunities to struggle to trust Him.

God always works for His glory, which is always for our good.

That's ridiculous. Absolutely incredible. There are times when He is orchestrating events so far beyond me that I can't see even a hint of what He's doing, and I so quickly begin to question. But God is faithful. He is good. And He shows me this time and time again, in little matters and in things that are determining the course and direction of my life.

This is where I am right now. I know God has a plan, and it is good, because He is good. It may not be safe, but it is good. I'm at this intersection of knowing God's goodness and faithfulness, and really knowing and believing that I can trust Him. The hard part is truly living this out, walking day by day by faith, not by sight. At this point, I'm struggling and falling more than I"m walking. But I can see the progress. I'm slowly learning how to walk, as He is faithful to pick me up and set me on my feet again and again.

Grace has brought me safe thus far, and Grace will lead me Home.

"God's will for my life"

2010-06-19T23:53:00.005-05:00

God is good.

After years of hearing Him whisper, I finally heard what He's been trying to tell me the past three years. Especially this past year, I've been looking for the wrong things. Reading Francis Chan's book Forgotten God definitely helped me crystallize some of these thoughts, but it's been incredible to see God confirm His word through so many different circumstances.

My dwelling place, my security, my home, my future is in Christ and Christ alone. If I look for these things in any other place, I will never be satisfied.

I do not have the right to seek or know "God's will for my life." It's not biblical to know "God's will for my life" as I usually mean the phrase. It sounds spiritual, but it's really just a demand for God to let me know what He's going to do the next five, ten, twenty, fifty years. And God doesn't work that way. He called Abram to go when Abram had no idea where he was going or where He would end up. We're called to walk by faith, not by sight, and sight is what I have been demanding of God, in a super spiritual nice way. Right.

But that fact is, I know God's will for my life. Scripture's pretty straightforward here. Love God. Love people. Follow Jesus. Walk in step with the Spirit.

And in His grace, He's given me more specifics - use media to mobilize the Church for the sake of the Unreached. Do I have any idea what this will practically look like? Heck no. But for the first time, I'm okay with that.

I have no right to ask/demand to know anything beyond this. I'm not supposed to know the five year plan or have my retirement figured out. I'm called to pick up my cross and crucify myself and follow Jesus and be faithful to obey in the little things every single day. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Honestly, I've been somewhat surprised to find the freedom in this, because it's definitely terrifying, too. But real grace is a terrifying thing. Radical grace demands radical discipleship, and there is nothing Jesus does not demand I give up. My flesh is terrified, but my spirit is at peace. Aslan may not be safe, but He is good. He is faithful. And right now, that's all I need to know.

My brother told me to blog more...

2010-05-24T22:52:00.003-05:00

and so this is for him. He tried to bait me with something about Joel Osteen, but I'm sick of being frustrated by his type.

I'm realizing I don't really truly know anything about prayer. Which means I really truly don't understand God.

I find myself getting frustrated, overwhelmed, and helpless as I survey the world. I'm discovering these massive problems (like Pakistan) and nothing I can physically do is really going to make a difference.

I'm exhorting, begging people to pray - cause that's the only thing we really can do - and yet I have to fight myself. Part of me feels like that won't accomplish anything. I want to actually make a difference, solve the problem, do anything. And yet, for all practical purposes, my hands are tied. So I suggest we pray as a last resort.

Could my thinking be more backward?

I serve the God of the universe, who invites me to enter into conversation with Him, to petition Him to move in the earth and I'm told He will! Yet coming to Him more often than not is my last course of action, instead of the first thing my heart knows to do.

No wonder I don't know God.

God calls us to so much more - to really know Him, to walk in step with the Spirit, to pray continually. If I really understood what it meant to be in constant conversation with the most powerful and loving being in the universe, how could I not pray continually?

I have so much to learn. Lord, teach me how to pray.

Pakistan Part Two

2010-05-24T22:46:00.003-05:00

I wrote this for our church newsletter:

For Christians in Pakistan, the persecution has never been worse.

Globally, militant Islam has been on the rise for several decades, and this has been seen in Pakistan as well. However, tensions rose dramatically with 9/11 and the ensuing war in neighboring Afghanistan. From mosque to mosque and town to town came a cry of revenge: “For every Muslim killed in Afghanistan, kill two Christians in Pakistan.”

There is a very strong sense of brotherhood within Islam. If a Muslim anywhere in the world is offended, injured, or killed, or if Islam is treated with disrespect, Muslims all over the world will respond with protests and demands for justice. Though Christians profess a similar doctrine as a key tenet of our faith (I believe in the holy catholic [universal] church…), we often are not aware of the suffering our brothers and sisters in Christ are enduring, and we rarely respond to their persecution.

In Pakistan, Christians faithfully attend church services, not knowing if they will walk out unharmed. Christian villages and their residents have been burned. A harsh Islamic blasphemy law makes it illegal to even compare Mohammed, the Koran, or Allah to Christianity—much less actually share the gospel. Scores of Christians have been imprisoned or martyred on charges of blasphemy, which are often completely false. Pakistani Christians seeking asylum in the United States are often met with unsympathetic immigration judges who do not understand the reality of the death threats they have received from radical Islam.

The stories of many, many Pakistani Christians are too horrendous to share in this publication, but they are real. We must not turn a blind eye to those who suffer. They are our brothers and sisters in Christ, and we have to support them, though we know nothing of the reality they face every day.

Pray for Pakistan. Pray when you learn of international news and politics. Pray for the Christian Pakistani community here in America as they try to intervene on behalf of endangered family and friends. Pray that God would protect strengthen, and encourage His people, especially those imprisoned and experiencing severe persecution. Pray that Christians would be faithful lights in the midst of great darkness and that God would draw many unto Himself. Pray that the strongholds of Islam would be broken and that God’s glory would be displayed in Pakistan and throughout the earth.

Pakistan Part One

2010-04-19T22:40:00.003-05:00

Note: I was asked to write a short article about persecution in Pakistan for our church newsletter. This is part one, giving background, and I'm going to interview a family in our church that recently left Pakistan for a second part in a couple of weeks.

In the aftermath of genocides, the world community has developed a naïve but standard response. “We didn’t know, so we couldn’t respond, but we’ll try to do better next time. Never again!” From the Holocaust to Cambodia to Rwanda, all too often the world looks the other way until it is too late.

As members of the body of Christ, we must be aware of what is going on across the globe, right now. In dozens of countries, millions face severe restrictions, imprisonment, and death because of their minority status. Our connection to these goes far beyond shared humanity – they are family, brothers and sisters in Christ. In one particular place, persecution is severe and rising.

Pakistan is a tumultuous country, sharing tense borders with Afghanistan and India. Internal and international rumblings and connections with terrorism are often highlighted in the news. But for Pakistan’s three million Christians, less than 2.5% of the population, their persecution often goes unnoticed.

At times, the world takes note, as it did last month when six World Vision workers were murdered. But we cannot realize the courage it takes to walk into church knowing one might not get to walk out. Harsh Islamic law means that on average, at least one Pakistani Christian is imprisoned and another killed each month, often on trumped up blasphemy charges. Whole Christian villages have been destroyed, and many more homes and churches burned. Splinter groups from both the Taliban and al-Qaeda actively pursue Christians. Brother Andrew’s organization Open Doors ranks Pakistan as the fourteenth most persecuting country in 2010.

So what can we do? The honest answer is that we are limited in how we can respond. But three things are essential. First, educate yourself and those around you. Be aware of the persecution that is threatening so many of our brothers and sisters around the globe. As you do this, pray. Use the information you’ve learned to pray specific prayers for persecuted Christians. Sign up for updates from The Voice of the Martyrs or Open Doors, and pray as you receive news from believers around the world. Finally, reach out to internationals here in our own community. Many have their own stories of persecution, as well as family in areas where they may still be at risk. Get to know them personally and pray with them.

Calling, Butterflies, and Fools

2010-04-05T21:01:00.004-05:00

I'd been helping my brother collect for the biology insect collection for about an hour. There seemed to be a certain butterfly that was taunting us, as Robert made several attempts to catch it. It was man enough to not fly above and beyond the trees, but it always seemed to stay just out of reach. (This prompted Robert's status update: "Freakin' Lepidoptera! You know who you are!") Robert had chased it all the way down and back up the field for a couple of minutes. I was determined to get it, so I grabbed the net.

For a full minute or so, my full attention was completely on capturing the freaking Lepidoptera. Sprinting, pivoting, almost tripping, sidestepping back as it fluttered just ahead of my swinging, swooping net, I was oblivious to everything else - the weeds I was crashing through, my brother's tired laugh, the cars honking as they passed on their way to the soccer game. I didn't care, because I was going to catch it.

I looked like a fool in the process, but I caught it.

Driving home, I thought about the chapter I had recently read in Os Guinness' book The Call - "Everybody's Fools."

"Fools for Christ" are not actually, or literally, or objectively fools but those who are prepared to be seen and treated as fools for Christ's sake. Since the world in its pretended wisdom foolishly thinks itself wise, it sees God's true wisdom as foolishness. Those faithful to God must therefore break with the world and bear its folly. They are what I call "foolbearers," acting out of love for Christ and wearing the world's shame as a badge of allegiance and honor.

Guinness acknowledges that "Holly folly has unquestionably gained a bad name in some Christian circles and for solid reasons. Sometimes it inspired what looks like plain weirdness...sometimes it has been used to justify flagrant anti-intellectualism..."

I've spent a lot of time in the past couple of years thinking and trying to be anything but a fool. I want to be an intellectual Christian. I want to communicate with media with excellence, not at the sub-par level expected from anything with a "Christian" label. At some level, these pursuits are good. We're called to love God with all our minds and all our strength. Our work as creators made in the image of the Creator should be excellent. But the focus has to be on God and His glory, not 'engaging (read: impressing) the world' or being 'relevant' or any other catchphrase or side effect.

Christians have made mistakes in the last century when it comes to interacting with culture and being intellectual, and it's not wrong to want to move beyond these. However, I'm forced to acknowledge how often my motivation for not being foolish is purely selfish and not to glorify God. Who do I think I am? Am I better than the prophets? The apostles? Jesus?

Calling entails the cost of discipleship. The deepest challenge is to renounce self and identify with Jesus in his sufferings and rejection.

Foolbearing is essential to calling because it is the true way to count the cost of identifying with Jesus. It is the price of obeying His call, renouncing self, and taking up the cross to follow Him.

Foolbearing is essential to calling because it positions us unmistakably before the world as a counterculture, antithetical to the world's very being. In the gospel there is an antithesis to the world that we dare no relax, a cost to discipleship that we cannot waive, a challenge to obedience that we must not conceal, and a scandal to faith that we should never airbrush away. If loyalty to those truths puts us beyond the pale, so be it.

Foolbearing is essential to calling because it is Christ's way of responding to injury. All of us as followers of Christ will flinch at times from the pain of wounds and the smart of slights, but that cost is in the contract of calling and the way of the cross.

I'm called to chase greater things than butterflies. I'm called to seek God and His Kingdom and righteousness. I can't remember the last time I pursued those things with half the focus and abandonment I gave the freaking butterfly. I'm a fool!

I'm a fool who desperately needs to die to myself and take up my cross and become a foolbearer, to the glory of God alone.

Grieving With Those Who Grieve

2010-03-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

In this poem, the author and speaker are not the same (specifically in the first two stanzas). I do have a sense of grief, but it’s not out of my personal experience or loss. It’s much more about grieving with those who grieve, and longing for That Day.

“That Day Is Not Here Yet”

Where, O Death, is thy sting?
It’s here, piercing my soul,
Draining me of all I once assumed.
I know someday I’ll laugh,
Reminiscing, as of a dream,
The pain so engulfing today.
But That Day is not here yet.

Grief is all I know.
Today’s victory is another’s,
And this my only comfort:
The victory of the grave is not eternal.
But today the piled dirt and hard cold stone
Keep me anchored to this world,
Even as I long for another.

I live in the pain of this tension:
The Already and the Not Yet.
Jesus is life and hope.
And hope does not disappoint.
(Except in this shortsighted fact that)
We hope because we see not.
That Day is not here yet.

Death is already conquered,
But it is the enemy to be destroyed last.
Earning wages of the Fall, we all with Adam die
Even as all in Christ will be made alive.
Everything within me groans, with all creation,
For the reconciliation and final redemption
When all things will be made new.

There is hope.
But That Day is not here yet.

Random Thoughts

2010-02-28T22:17:00.003-06:00

Today was the first Sunday of missions week at our church, and the services were incredible.

I want to go to the Unreached. I want to mobilize the Church to go to the Unreached.

My heart is burning within me, and this passion isn't going away.

------

I've been thinking about the "Kingdom of God" recently. It's definitely a concept we talked about at Semester, and while it's something I've always been familiar with, I think it's probably harder for Americans to understand it. We really like our concepts of rights, but as Bauman said, rights are an American invention, not a Biblical principle. As a Christian, I have no rights, only responsibilities. God asks for my unconditional surrender, not my vote in the democratic process.

-------

I was going back through old posts, and I found this verse, quoted from the Message.

God, it seems you've been our home forever; long before the mountains were born, long before you brought earth itself to birth, from "once upon a time" to "kingdom come" —you are God. - Psalm 90:1-2

I like the phrasing here. I love how it brings out the story motif.

And I like how Moses ends the psalm.

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

-------

Tomorrow marks the start of new year for me. I have goals and plans for this year, but I trust that God has even greater plans, plans that I don't see yet. More than anything I want to be apart of His plan for His Kingdom, not my plan for my life. Just as He orchestrated the events of this past year (and all the years before that) in ways I would never have begun to imagine, He will prove His faithfulness again this year, because that is who He is.

May this be my prayer this year:

I do not ask to see the way
My feet will have to tread;
But only that my soul may feed
Upon the living Bread.
‘Tis better far that I should walk
By faith close to His side;
I may not know the way I go,
But oh, I know my Guide.

His love can never fail, His love can never fail,
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.
My soul is satisfied to know His love can never fail.

-For the glory of the King and the growth of His Kingdom!

When I Grow Up...

2010-02-02T23:54:00.008-06:00

There are lots of things I want to do right now. Two top the list.

(Studying to get an expensive piece of paper doesn't quite make the cut.)

I want to read and think about great books.

I want to learn how to use pictures and videos effectively.

In short, I want to be a STORYTELLER.

Words, graphics, videos, I don't care. I just want to communicate in story.

Why?

Because that's how God revealed Himself - in story.
And that's how my heart responds best - to story.

Currently, I'm not a storyteller. But I want to learn. How I want to learn!

Story

2010-01-28T22:51:00.005-06:00

I've been sick, and while yesterday I was feeling to lousy to read, I started The Drama of Scripture today. Though my reading was a tad slower than normal and I was a bit quicker to doze off, it was great to finally get some good intellectual and theological reading done.

I think the biggest "theme" of Semester was the concept of seeing the Bible as one Story, as an overarching metanarrative that is all about God's redemptive history as seen in Creation, Fall, Redemption, and Consummation - throughout 66 books and a span of several thousand years. One of the saddest trends in the church today is not understanding the Bible as it was written. God revealed Himself in STORY - not in "verse bites" or a gazillion different unrelated Sunday School lessons or systematic theology.

I had coffee with a friend around Christmas, and it was great to catch up after six months or so. I found it really interesting that she had learned many of the same things I had looked at Semester. We talked about this concept of story, which was something she had studied this semester, too. However, she learned it in her secular "Bible as Literature" class, not in church. While I'm glad she learned it and has a new perspective on Scripture, I think it's pretty pathetic that it takes college literature classes to do what the Church should be doing.

More thoughts to come as I continue to read and reflect.

My life this week...

2010-01-16T12:28:00.002-06:00

video + Legos + feeding starving children + music that gets stuck in your head = amazingness.

New Year

2010-01-01T22:30:00.005-06:00

“New Year” from The Valley of Vision (a collection of Puritan prayers)

"O LORD,

Length of days does not profit me

except the days are passed in thy presence,

in thy service, to thy glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,

sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,

that I may not be one moment apart from thee,

but may rely on thy Spirit

to supply every thought,

speak in every word,

direct every step,

prosper every work,

build up every mote of faith,

and give me a desire

to show forth thy praise

testify thy love,

advance thy kingdom.

I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year,

with thee, O Father as my harbour,

thee, O Son, at my helm,

thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.

Guide me to heaven with my loins girt,

my lamp burning,

my ear open to thy calls,

my heart full of love,

my soul free.

Give me the grace to sanctify me,

thy comforts to cheer,

thy wisdom to teach,

thy right hand to guide,

thy counsel to instruct,

thy law to judge,

thy presence to stabilize.

May thy fear be my awe,

thy triumphs my joy."

This is the perspective I need this year. Nothing like godly, wise, dead guys to help you when your current situation seems to be spinning out of control.

2009: Finding God Bigger

2009-12-31T18:24:00.003-06:00

Last post of the year...and of the decade. Weird.

This year was amazing. It far exceeded expectations. I have probably anticipated this year more than any other, due to the fact I've had a "Class of 2009" t-shirt since middle school. But truly, I couldn't have asked for a better year. It was a tremendous blessing, especially after the hardships of 2008.

This time last year I was petrified about what was coming. I wasn't sure what I was going to be doing. I couldn't see the path in front of me farther than my toes. A year later, I've had some of the best experiences in my life, and I have some vague idea of what's coming. But more than that, God has yet again (and again and again!) proved Himself faithful, in so many ways.

I blogged this last year on New Year's. It's so cool to see where God has brought me this year.

To me, New Year's is a time to reflect and contemplate and worship. It's a time to consider what God has done and rejoice in what He will do. This past year had been really rough. And I know 2009 will be a time of change and transition, and I'm not sure I'm ready. But my God is faithful.

My God is faithful!

My understanding of His faithfulness has increased this year. I've got a long ways to go - I have a feeling I'll still be learning this from beyond the grave.

There were so many awesome little things that God worked out - an amazing senior year, winning state, senior trip, YIM tour, summer camp, tutoring. And there were things that were greater than anything I could have dreamed, events that truly have been life changing - the East Asia trip and Summit Semester.

In my plan of two years ago, these never would have happened. In my plan of 12 months ago, they wouldn't have happened. That's why God is God - He sees what I cannot and would not see, and He orchestrates everything for His glory. And I have the privilege of trusting Him and being able to participate in what He's doing, which is absolutely amazing.

I haven't understood everything that happened this year, and I don't know what's coming. But I know I am right where I am supposed to be - learning to trust God.

Looking back on this year, I have had an experience much like Lucy Penvensie in Prince Caspian when she encounters Aslan again after returning to Narnia. Aslan had not grown, but her perspective had changed. As He told her: "Every year you grow, you will find me bigger."

This year, I have found God to be bigger and more beautiful and more faithful. May this be my discovery every year of my life.

Times. Tenth Avenue North.

2009-12-28T22:45:00.002-06:00

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Or can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.

The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real?'
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.

These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

In times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Adventing: Arrival

2009-12-25T23:30:00.003-06:00

I can't say it better than this.

May the truth of God's coming to earth, the glory of His Advent, and the love He so displayed saturate your hearts and minds this (and every) day, and may you live as one who knows Immanuel, the God-With-Us.

Adventing: O Holy Night

2009-12-24T23:36:00.004-06:00

Sang this twice while running sound for both Christmas Eve services tonight. Several lines jumped out at me.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

I found this interesting. I hadn't ever really thought about this before - the soul feeling its worth with Christ's Advent. It reminds me of what Bauman and Stonestreet emphasized. In Jesus, we have the full revelation of who God is and the full revelation of what it means to be human. The psychosomatic unity we have as humans - creatures made in the image of God, being fully spiritual and fully physical - was most fully realized in the person of Jesus Christ - fully God and fully man.

The King of kings lay thus in lowly manger,
In all our trials born to be our Friend!
He knows our need—to our weakness is no stranger.
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!
Behold your King; before Him lowly bend!

How crazy is this. The Incarnation defies all expectations. God, the King of the universe, humbles Himself, becoming as one of His creatures. And yet He goes beyond this, taking the worst of the human experience upon Himself, that we might have life in His death. He willingly chose to identify with us, that our identity might be in Him, in His righteousness, before the Father. I have no other response but to fall on my face and worship, lowly bending all I am.

Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His Gospel is peace.

Last Sunday our pastor preached on love. Again, it was one of those things I should know, but that I'll be learning all my life. The oft quoted commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself" is the most basic requirement God has given. It was given to those under the Law, in Leviticus 19. Love as understood in the New Covenant demands much more - not just loving my neighbor as myself, but laying down my life for my neighbor.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other. - John 15:12-17

Adventing: Desire of Nations

2009-12-23T23:12:00.003-06:00

Two aforementioned carols feature this phrase "Desire of Nations" - Hark the Herald and O Come.

The reference itself comes from Haggai 2:6-7: For thus saith the LORD of hosts; Yet once, it is a little while, and I will shake the heavens, and the earth, and the sea, and the dry land; And I will shake all nations, and the desire of all nations shall come: and I will fill this house with glory, saith the LORD of hosts.

It reminds me of this passage from Isaiah 9. This obviously deals with Adventing, but it also holds truth I would do well to remember when I want to get all freaked out and angry at the state of the world.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.

Of the increase of His government and peace there will be no end...The zeal of Yahweh, Lord of the hosts of the armies of heaven, will accomplish this!

God's Kingdom is always increasing, always growing, always taking ground, all around the world - even when it seems that the darkness is only getting darker. Yet God is always revealing Himself! All the peoples, all the nations will know His light!

And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb. By its light will the nations walk. Revelation 21:23-24

For now, we cling to what John says, "The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Adventing: St. Nick and Nicea

2009-12-22T23:19:00.002-06:00

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my uncle, a pastor, about the church history class I took at Summit, specifically about the Nicene Creed. He mentioned two things that I found fascinating, and they relate to Advent, so I'll share them.

The second (but oft skipped) verse of "O Come, All Ye Faithful" is inspired by the Nicene Creed. (It always annoys me when we skip verses of good hymns, especially the parts that are theological!)

True God of true God, Light from Light Eternal,
Lo, He shuns not the Virgin’s womb;
Son of the Father, begotten, not created;
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
O come, let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord.

He then related a story about St. Nicholas, who would later inspire Santa Claus, with the disclaimer that it may be more legend than fact. St. Nicholas, bishop of Myra, was a delegate at the Council of Nicea, in which Arius was eventually condemned as a heretic for teaching that Jesus was not fully God. It has been said that at one point Nicholas was so fed up with listening to the heresy that he got up and slapped Arius. For this he was almost removed from the bishopric, but it turns out the council agreed with him and he was reinstated after asking forgiveness.

Gene Edward Veith wrote a column for WORLD based off this story a couple of years ago, suggesting perhaps the Church needs to be more like St. Nicholas when it comes to defending Christ against heresies, instead of resembling a tolerant, non-religious Santa Claus.

Adventing: As Far As The Curse Is Found

2009-12-21T22:24:00.003-06:00

No more let sin and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground.
He comes to make
His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

This is one of those simple truths you're supposed to learn growing up. I'm sure it's somewhere back in my head, but it is these simple truths that slap me upside the head sometimes. It's something so obvious, so critical to the Christian message, and yet it strikes me as if I had never considered it before.

The concept embodied in this verse is so important, and yet I had never fully articulated it until Semester.

His blessings flow as far as the curse is found. The scope of redemption is the same as the scope of creation. Everything will be redeemed! Nothing is "secular" because everything that God created was created good! And He has come, and will come again, that EVERYTHING might be redeemed - that the world will be reconciled to Himself.

For God was pleased to have all His fullness dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross. Colossians 1:19-20

Adventing: seeking and following

2009-12-20T23:59:00.001-06:00

I ran sound and media tonight for the church's "Blue Christmas" service. Intended for those who are grieving or struggling this season, it was a much quieter and mellow service. I really enjoyed it.

The last half of the third verse of "The First Noel" (I'm really glad I'm not a math major or I'd have to do that all the time!) really stuck out to me. I wasn't familiar with it, but it struck a chord.

"To seek for a King was their intent, and to follow the Star wherever it went."

Two things. My calling in life is first and foremost to know the One who calls me. We're called to seek God's face, not God's hand or His plan. My intent each and every day should be to seek after God, that I would know Him better.

The second phrase reminded me of a quote that really struck me last Christmas, which I blogged about then. Mark Alexander of The Patriot Post wrote a great essay for their special Christmas edition, and included this:

When we make God our North Star, we are guided precisely along the path He has prepared for us, even though we do not know where it leads.

May my intent this Advent be to seek my King and follow Him wherever He leads.

Summit Semester wrap up...

2009-12-19T23:06:00.003-06:00

We interrupt the regularly scheduled programming for this cop-out blog. I'm adventing by recapping Summit Semester on FB and posting it here, too. I am so grateful for S2 - what it taught me during the best three months of my life and what it continues to teach me now. I may be abusing this reference (I really need to re-read it!) but it reminds me of what CS Lewis talks about in Surprised by Joy - an intense longing that drives us toward what we should really be longing for - in this case, knowing and walking in the fellowship of the Spirit and looking toward our true Home.

I’ve now been home three weeks from Summit Semester. It’s taken me long enough, but I thought I’d post on what we did and learned and all of that. It’s hard to even know where to start, so bear with me…

Summit Semester is a three-month academic program that focuses on developing a Biblical worldview (learning to think Christianly about everything) in the context of living in community. We lived at Snow Wolf Lodge, which is outside of Pagosa Springs, CO. We were surrounded on three sides by national forests. We only had internet for a few hours in town on Sunday, and I had to hike up to the ridge behind the lodge to get cell phone service. It’s amazing what you can accomplish without so many distractions!

Weekly, we had an art and Bible survey class, in addition to 15 hours of instruction with Dr. Michael Bauman of Hillsdale College in Politics and Christianity, British Literature, and History of Christian Theology. The 40 of us living at Snow Wolf Lodge (28 students, 7 staff, and the director’s family) grew close – we became a family – as we did basically everything together: class, family-style meals, dish crews, chores, volleyball, deep and random discussions, field trips, work crews, campfires, games, and so much more.

Everything with Bauman was discussed in light of four diagnostic questions:

(Try to answer these – it’s a lot harder than you might think!)

What is a good life and what good is life?

What is a good death and what good is death?

What is a good love and what good is love?

What is a human being?

So what did I learn? Again, I’m not sure where to start…

- I’ve learned how much I don’t know. There is so much I need to read and learn and ask…

- I’ve learned I have an infinite, lifelong reading list.

- I’ve learned about questions – how answer them, how to ask them. Bauman’s now in my head forever, making question just about everything…

- I’ve learned what it means to live in community, how important it is to have deep friendships and accountability and mentoring.

- I’ve learning about calling. It’s really basic, but it was an important lesson for me. God calls each of us to specific things – I’m not called to fix every problem I see. Others are called to those things to which I am not called. It’s how the Body works.

I was truly taught how to think, not what to think.

I’ve been told that from my pictures, it looks like we only had fun. So here’s an abbreviated list of what we studied in class. (feel free to skip to the end if you don’t want to be intimidated…or if you’re bored already…)

Politics: basic principles; formulating public policy; liberalism, conservatives, liberals, historical pragmatists, and revolutionaries; terrorism; abortion; Civil Rights; libertarianism and John Stuart Mill; Machiavelli and The Prince, Edmond Burke, the just war theory, capitalism, socialism, Milton on censorship and education; Dante on monarchy and governments, the Constitution; Switzerland; and regular discussion of current events…

British Literature: An Experiment in Criticism by CS Lewis, the medieval worldview (habits, beliefs, education system, courtly love); Beowulf; the Pearl Poet and his four poems; Geoffrey Chaucer (Romance of the Rose, Book of the Duchess, House of Fame, Parliament of Fowls, Troilus and Creseyde, Legend of Good Women, and The Canterbury Tales); Sir Philip Sidney (Lady of May, Arcadia, Astrophil and Stella, Defense of Poesy); Shakespeare and Romeo and Juliet; John Milton (sonnets, Lycidas, and Paradise Lost); Thomas Gray’s poetry; William Wordsworth’s poetry; Gerard Manley Hopkin’s poetry; Walter de la Mare’s poetry

History of Christian Theology: Jewish roots, Jesus, apostles, persecution and growth of the church; Apostolic Fathers – Clement of Rome, Ignatius, Polycarp, Papias, and the Didache; the Trinity and the first four church councils; Second Century Church Fathers – Tertullian, Justin Martyr; Heretics – Gnostics, Montantus; the Pelagius vs. Augustine debate; Augustine vs. Donatists; the Medieval Roman Catholic Church – popes, Thomas Aquinas, Duns Scotus, William of Ockham); the mystics vs. scholastics; pre-reformation reformers – John Wycliffe, John Hus, Girolamo Savonarola; Francesco Petrarch (Ascent of Mt. Ventoux, The Secret, The Remedy, The Rest of the Religious); Thomas More (Dialogue of Comfort, Utopia); Erasmus; the Reformation; Martin Luther; Philip Melanchton; Ulrich Zwingli; John Calvin; Anabaptists, the Council of Trent; and random theology lectures – what is beauty, worship, church services, marriage/divorce…

A week with Dr. Don Williams of Toccoa Falls College, GA: theory of Christian study; higher education; theology of literature; poetry; the praise of Christ in British poetry; deconstructing deconstructionism; CS Lewis as a scholar; CS Lewis on Goodness, Truth, and Beauty; Edmund Spenser; Worldviews in literature; why evangelicals can’t write; speaking the truth in love

Dr. JP Moreland of Biola University: philosophy – types of knowledge, epistemology, brain/mind and body/soul,

Art with Charlie Pepiton: wrestled with the definition of art, the definition of beauty, the continuum of glory and suffering, breaking constructs, midrash interpretation, elements of design, theater basics, dramatic structure, semiotics, poetry, art history from 1850s to present…

Bible with Eric and God: understanding the overarching metanarrative of the Bible – seeing it as one Story rather than 66 different books; Creation, Fall, the Law, Israel’s history and kings, prophets, interlude, the Kingdom of God, redemption… read through major chunks of Scripture

It is impossible for any description of Semester to do it justice. I grew exponentially in so many ways - academically, spiritually, personally, relationally...the list goes on. I could not have spent those three months in a better way, and I am so grateful for the experience.

Adventing: O Come, O Come Emmanuel 1

2009-12-18T23:11:00.003-06:00

So after Hark the Herald, "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is my favorite Christmas carol. Maybe it's a personality thing - it's more solemn, and yet still filled with hope and joy. I feel like it captures the reality of Advent better than any other hymn - waiting in captivity, waiting for ransom, knowing it will come, but not yet seeing it...and here enters the paradox of Christianity: rejoicing in what cannot yet be seen. Such a contrast to the instant gratification culture we live in.

The biblical Christmas story is much darker than we like to remember it. The faith of the characters - Zechariah and Elizabeth, Joseph and Mary, Simeon and Anna, the shepherds and the magi - is admirable only because of the fear and doubt they had to fight. Often we forget how dangerous the story really is. They faced threats to their reputations and their lives, as they threatened the power structure of culture and Herod and Rome.

O Come, O Come Emmanuel is not a happy bubbly song. I like this because often life isn't either.

While it addresses the realities and the harshness of life in this fallen world and the sin we struggle against...

captive, lonely exile, Satan's tyranny, depths of hell, gloomy clouds of night, death's dark shadows, sad divisions

...it also is full of hope.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel!
free, save, give victory over the grave, Day-spring cheer our spirits, disperse [darkness], open wide our heavenly home, close the path to misery, be the ensign of your people, end our sad divisions, be Thyself our King of Peace.

Joy, as described in the Bible, isn't happy and bubbly.

Joy is having lost all family and possessions and wealth and yet declaring "I know my Redeemer lives, and in the end He will stand upon the earth."
Joy is sitting in a jail cell, awaiting execution, and encouraging other believers to rejoice and fight the good fight of faith.
Joy is dying, not having yet arrived, and yet looking forward to that which is unseen.
Joy is coming to earth and enduring the cross, scorning its shame, that the world might be redeemed and reconciled.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel! God is with us! He is here, and He is coming.

Adventing: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing" Part II

2009-12-17T23:46:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting here again, just a few minutes until this day is done, wondering why I made this commitment to blog daily. And this is precisely why I made the commitment. Blogging is definitely not the best way to give oneself accountability, but it's something. A commitment in words, in print, in public.

Coming back from three months of community accountability is rough. And I really miss the accountability - to get up on time, be at meals, work, exercise, and go to bed at a decent hour. When I've explained what I've done to people here at home, several have commented about "oh, you learn so much about yourself in community like that." That's definitely a true statement, but I think I'm learning just as much or more about myself now, in the absence of said communal accountability. It's not a pretty picture.

It's been harder creating and keeping a schedule than I anticipated. Truth be told, I haven't really made it a priority. Sure, many events have been outside my control, but things like not starting projects at 11 PM and getting a decent sleep schedule definitely don't count in that category. Some things can only be attributed to stupidity and laziness and sin.

So here's a blog that deserves more thought but perfectly illustrates the above experiences. The last two verse of Hark the Herald aren't really well known. I admit, I don't really have them memorized at all. But there's a lot of theology in them that's really important.

Come, Desire of nations, come,
Fix in us Thy humble home;
Rise, the woman’s conqu’ring Seed,
Bruise in us the serpent’s head.
Now display Thy saving power,
Ruined nature now restore;
Now in mystic union join
Thine to ours, and ours to Thine.
Hark! The herald angels sing:
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Adam’s likeness, Lord, efface,
Stamp Thine image in its place:
Second Adam from above,
Reinstate us in Thy love.
Let us Thee, though lost, regain,
Thee, the Life, the inner man:
O, to all Thyself impart,
Formed in each believing heart.
Hark! The herald angels sing:
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Jesus, bruise the serpent's head in me. Efface the sin, the image I so quickly chose as my identity. Transform me into Your image, for Your glory.

Adventing: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"

2009-12-16T23:12:00.006-06:00

This was the first Christmas carol I knew by heart, and it has always been my favorite for multiple reasons.
1. My parents both like it a lot.
2. Charles Wesley. Enough said. The guy was brilliant.
3. This probably didn't hurt my young impressions of it, either.
Seriously, though, I love "Hark! The Herald..." because it tells the Gospel. It's saturated with Scripture, quoted and referenced in almost every line.

Hark the herald angels sing (Luke 2)
"Glory to the newborn King! (Matthew 2)
Peace on earth and mercy mild (Luke 2)
God and sinners reconciled" (II Corinthians 5)
Joyful, all ye nations rise (Revelation 21)
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim: (Luke 2)
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing (Luke 2)
"Glory to the newborn King!" (Matthew 2)

Christ by highest heav'n adored (Hebrews 1)
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come (Galatians 4)
Offspring of a Virgin's womb (Isaiah 7, Matthew 1)
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell (John 1)
Jesus, our Emmanuel (Matthew 1)
Hark! The herald angels sing (Luke 2)
"Glory to the newborn King!" (Matthew 2)

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace! (Isaiah 9)
Hail the Sun of Righteousness! (Malachi 4)
Light and life to all He brings (John 1)
Ris'n with healing in His wings (Malachi 4)
Mild He lays His glory by (Philippians 2)
Born that man no more may die (John 11)
Born to raise the sons of earth (I Corinthians 15)
Born to give them second birth (John 3)
Hark! The herald angels sing (Luke 2)
"Glory to the newborn King!" (Matthew 2)

After I had compiled most of these, I found a really detailed list at this website. So check that out if you care...

Frustration and Repentence

2009-12-15T23:36:00.005-06:00

I freely admit that I'm kind of a Scrooge about Christmas.

And I realized tonight that it's probably not a good thing.

Let me explain several things. We'll try to make this coherent.

Knowing that sloppy language makes sloppy thought possible, I seriously want two different words to distinguish between Christmas in a Biblical sense, and the materialistic sentimental consumerism that is so very rampant in our culture. As fun as it is to make up new words entirely, I'm going to go with "Advent" referring to the Biblical sense of Christmas and "Christmas" to refer to the commercial greatness. Hate me if you will, but at least we know what we're talking about now.

I ran sound for the elementary Christmas/Advent programs at school tonight. Starting rehearsals at 12, with a two hour break, I was thinking about Christmas to some degree for six hours. (Probably most of those thoughts were related to Christmas by way of adjusting the gain on the microphone to make the kids singing the Christmas carols sound better, but I did actually have some time to contemplate the lyrics and the program itself.) Both the younger kids' program and the older elementary programs were quite gospel centered, which was great. But as I blogged here last year, I still have problems with sugar-coating Advent within the church.

While it may be a great starting place for really little kids to understand Advent, I think it seems pretty trite to look at Advent as just "Jesus' birthday." It is of course (though not literally a date in December), but it is so much more than that. And it seems we lessen the glory of the Incarnation and the perfect plan of redemption and His kenosis (see Philippians 2) if all we do is talk about a birthday party in which we're the ones really receiving the presents.

Driving home tonight I was still thinking about this, and while it may be trite or devaluing to just see Advent as a birthday party, it's no different than my normal behavior. Like it or not, purposefully or not, far too often I live as a practical atheist. God is often an afterthought, rather than my raison d'etre.

My heart needs to practice the season of Advent every day. I need to constantly be reminding myself of the Truth of the Incarnation, of Immanuel, of God-With-Us, and that knowledge needs to radically transform the way I live, day in and day out. As Eric says, I have to constantly preach the Gospel to myself.

Two weeks ago, I wrote this:

I can get so distracted by what Christmas is not, or what it shouldn't be, that I forget what it is. This is why I desperately need something like the season of Advent, a time to actively remember and prepare my heart for Immanuel, God-with-us, taking the form of His creation upon Himself that He might redeem us.

I'm wrote this two weeks ago, but I've been pretty terrible about purposefully observing Advent personally. Fully realizing that Advent has been going on for three Sundays now, I'm immersing myself in it now. Better late than never, right?

Anyways, I'm not a huge music person, but I think my favorite thing about Christmas/Advent is that everybody is playing and singing hymns, which is rare the rest of the year. I'm going to blog every day, now until Christmas, looking at some of my favorite Advent hymns and a few brief thoughts.

It's an exercise in preaching the Gospel to myself, which my hard heart desperately needs.

Home? ...Defining and Equivocating

2009-12-05T23:59:00.000-06:00

I've been home in Texas for a week now.

I'm not sure what I think about that statement. On the one hand, I love being home. We got to hang out with all my cousins last night, and I realized just how much I had missed my family (even if I didn't really have time to realize it while I was away). Yet part of me still feels like "home" is somewhere else - yes, in a very special lodge hidden in the San Juan mountains, but more so with a very special group of 40 people I call my Semester family.

For the first time this year, I've begun to think of places other than the North Texas address I've lived at for most of my life as "home." I've now lived outside of Texas for the first time in my life, and this year is the first time I have seriously contemplated moving much farther away - as in halfway across the globe. (And I'm sure this post, just like this one did nine months ago, is making my mom seriously freak out...)

To quote from the aforementioned post:

I miss it.

It is so different than home. And in a million ways, I'm so glad to be home. But for the first time in my life, I've recently entertained thoughts that "home" may be far from my beloved Texas.

I couldn't be happier with my home as it is right now. I'm not looking for a one-way ticket to Timbuktu or anywhere else. But my heart longs for Home, and deep down, I know my allegiance is first and foremost to that Place, to Him who makes it Home, and not to geography or ideals or people.

Meaning, I know I will have to be in whichever place He decides is most necessary for His glory and the good of all those who may one day call His presence "Home."

The context of this is coming back from Asia, another place where my heart felt strangely at home, yet I find these words ringing true again. Perhaps they have a deeper meaning to me now, after living away from what I've always known as "home."

I felt at home at Semester like I've never felt at any other place or with any other group of people, save my family. And while I miss them dearly, it is stirring something deeper within me. Beck wrote in her blog near the end of the Semester that we could now identify with the Penvensie children having to leave Narnia. The experience is similar, I think - we got a taste of otherworldliness, how this world is supposed to be - and that stirs a deep longing which cannot easily be fulfilled. I'm reminded of CS Lewis' journey as chronicled in Surprised by Joy.

Yet as Lewis writes, this longing, this Joy, is not the end in of itself. It is the signpost that leads to something much greater, Home. Heaven. The New Creation.

Revelation 21: 1-5
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!"

Approaching Advent

2009-12-03T23:53:00.004-06:00

Tonight I ran sound (and got paid!) for my school's annual Christmas concert - elementary, middle, and high school orchestra, band, and choir.

(I was reminded of Bauman's lecture on Machiavelli, and the need to be a virtuoso. This year I had a lot more sympathy/empathy with the 5th grade band/orchestra. They've only been playing for a few months, and I'm realizing how now, more than ever, I'm really in their shoes with so many things - actually everything! - from reading to learning to media/video and theology and asking questions...)

But it was the Christmas part that struck me. (Crazy, right, at a Christmas concert? Who would have guessed?)

The past two Christmases have not been particularly joyful for me. Two years ago was in the middle of the Implosion, when our church was splitting apart, and I was losing my community, friends, and mentors, the place where I was encouraged and where I served. At the same time, my grandmother was really sick, in the hospital, and it was our last Christmas with her. Last year I had surgery right after finals, so I was still on drugs and in pain on Christmas day - and it was so different without Nanny.

The greatest blessing of Christmas last year was getting to officially participate in the celebration of Advent at church. It wasn't really done at the interdenominational church we attended for the previous nine years, and while I had always been aware of Advent, it was really encouraging to be a part of consciously celebrating it. (I was reminded this past Sunday that it was exactly a year ago, the first Sunday of Advent 2008, that I really began to feel at home with FUMCC.)

I think Advent is really important, and something I've never been good at. It always seems as if Christmas sneaks up on me, and it's here and gone before I ever really consider the significance of God becoming flesh and living among us.

I see the world in terms of black and white, and sometimes it's hard for me to get past the problems I see. There have been times I've really struggled with Christmas just because of the cultural implications and the materialism and the sentimentalism. And contrary to popular opinion, these are not what Christmas is about. I blogged about this last year, and I don't want to beat a dead horse, so here's my point.

I can get so distracted by what Christmas is not, or what it shouldn't be, that I forget what it is. This is why I desperately need something like the season of Advent, a time to actively remember and prepare my heart for Immanuel, God-with-us, taking the form of His creation upon Himself that He might redeem us.

Oh God, teach me how to remember and worship.

Home for Christ and His Kingdom and Hope

2009-11-29T23:59:00.001-06:00

On Friday night, I became an alumna of Summit Semester, the class of 2009. It doesn't seem right. It seems like we should just be starting. But, no, we spent three amazing months together, and now it is time to go home, "for Christ and His Kingdom," as Eric charged us.

So I'm home, after a 14 hour drive all day Saturday. It was so weird to be home. I stayed up for like three more hours, reading the Semester blogs, bios, and notes, looking at pictures, remembering...

We went to church this morning, which was really good. It was good to see friends again. And I really needed the sermon, on hope, today being the first Sunday of Advent.

I'm not gonna lie, I don't feel like being hopeful right now. My heart is still looking back, longing for my new family and the home we had at Snow Wolf Lodge. I'd honestly rather wallow in the "400 silent years" for at least a few more days, musing and contemplating and grieving, in a sense, rather than jump back in wholeheartedly into life.

Yet I'm called to more than this.

To quote my new favorite article ("Telling the World Its Own Story," Richard John Neuhaus):

All of us who have contended to be Christian disciples, to be faithful, know times in which we are tempted to despair and to feel that we are a part not only of a minority enterprise but a failing and perhaps definitively failed enterprise. But we have not the right to despair, for despair is a sin. And finally we have not the reason to despair, quite simply because Christ has risen.

As Dr. Dunagin reminded us this morning, God broke the the silence of 400 years with the command: "Fear not!" Of all of Jesus' commands, almost 20% of these were spent telling us not to fear.

His main points: Fear robs us of joy and hope. It causes us to doubt God's goodness, and fear produces "spiritual amnesia." Fear drains us of generosity; it causes us to seek safety first, which drains us of love. On the other hand, joy is deep and firm and abiding. Joy flourishes in the midst of pain and struggle.

Currently, I am wrestling more with fear and despair than I am with hope and joy. I'm not sure how to best keep up the friendships I've made these past three months. I'm scared of finding/creating a community here at home like the one I've just come from and of developing deep friendships that sharpen like iron. I'm not sure what lies ahead, and I don't really like that.

Yet this is why hope and joy are so essential. They aren't abstract ideas that only work when life is good and the world is happy. Hope and joy sustain us when everything else is falling apart because hope and joy can't just be mustered up inside us when we feel down. They come as a result of tremendous sacrifice.

Neuhaus again:

Optimism is not a Christian virtue. Optimism is simply a matter of optics, of seeing what you want to see and opting not to see what you don't want to see.
We are hopeful, filled with hope, which is a very different thing. Hope is a virtue of having looked unblinkingly into all the reasons for despair, into all of the reasons that would seem to falsify hope, and to say, "Nonetheless Christ is Lord. Nonetheless this is the story of the world. Nonetheless this is a story to which I will surrender myself day by day." Not simply on one altar call, but as the entirety of one's life, in which every day is a laying of your life on the altar of the Lord Jesus Christ being offered up in perfect sacrifice to the Father.
And will we overcome? Will we prevail? We have overcome and have prevailed ultimately because He has overcome and He has prevailed. There are days in which you and I get discouraged. On those days I tell myself — I suppose almost every day I tell myself, sometimes several times a day — those marvelous lines from T. S. Eliot's "East Coker," where Eliot says, "For us there is only the trying. The rest is not our business."
For us there is only the trying. The rest is not our business. Some people read those lines as lines of resignation, kind of shrugging your shoulders and saying, "What can you do?" But I read them as lines of vibrant hope. The rest is not our business. The rest is God's business.
Thank God, we are not God. Thank God, God is God.

The First Goodbye

2009-11-21T14:52:00.001-06:00

Saturday, November 21, 2009
Day 77, Summit Semester

Tonight was our first goodbye. Of course, it wasn’t really – not in any sense. (I think the first goodbye to really hit was five weeks ago when Dr. Williams was here – he connected with us in a way that other visiting speakers just didn’t, and he was the first to prepare us for going home.) But in another sense, tonight was one of the most significant goodbyes we will have this Semester.

This Semester was very different from years past in many respects, but perhaps most of all because Bauman was not our scholar-in-residence, living here at Snow Wolf Lodge the whole semester but traveling back and forth every week from Hillsdale. He said today that he’s spent four and a half 40-hour workweeks just traveling this semester – yet he also feels this is the most significant work he does all year. And for this, his sacrifice and dedication, we are very grateful.

Yet it was weird tonight – our last class with Bauman. It was pretty anticlimactic – and I’m actually really grateful for that. I’m just not a fan of big blubbering drawn out goodbyes – though sometimes that’s necessary, and I’ve certainly experienced those (and will again… probably next week…). We just had class as normal – finished up the overview of the Reformation with the Anabaptists and the Council of Trent tonight, after the Calvinist/Arminian lecture this morning. (Quote of the day from Bauman: I’m a no-point Calvinist, which is not the same as a pointless Calvinist – a pointless Calvinist is redundant!) We asked a last few questions, he commented for a minute or two about how we’ve grown this semester, and we stood and applauded. That was our last class.

We hung around for a while afterwards. Bauman signed books, took pictures with us, and joked around. He’s been very gracious with his time the past two weeks, staying an hour or more after class to answer our questions. Getting to talk and just hear him explain things in a smaller group of four or five has been just amazing. I’m so grateful for him and this Semester.

And in many ways, I’m ready to be home. In many ways, I’m ready to be done here. (Not in all ways – a lot of me wishes we were coming back next semester…) Yet it is still so weird. Today was our last Saturday – talking at breakfast I realized that I wouldn’t be here this time next week. And I’m okay with that – but it’s going to be so very different.

One of the most surprising things to me is that looking forward to these goodbyes is much harder than graduating high school – even though I had been with some of my classmates for 14 years. I guess some of it is geography – even though we’re scattered, we’ll probably all be back in town for holidays and stuff for the next couple of years - as opposed to my friends now being scattered all over the US (and South Korea).

But I really wasn’t expecting to be impacted this deeply by this community. I came in with one idea of community – based largely on my friendships at CCA with the friends I’ve had for a decade – and I’m leaving with an entirely different understanding. As Dr. Williams said, this community is just about as close to being what the church is supposed to be as about anything. And there is a factor here I haven’t experienced before – of living life with 40 people day in and day out for three months – spending an hour and half at the dinner table together every day, sitting in the same classes, wrestling with the same questions, doing the same chores, having the same crazy fun on the volleyball court. And the depth of what we do – from class to conversations over lunch that carry over to dish crew that we pick up again after dinner – and the ridiculous amount of inside jokes we’re able to accumulate every second… it’s so unique. I want everyone I know to experience this because it is so amazing.

And yet I know that’s ridiculous, impossible. So the challenge in going home is A) keeping up with the friendships we’ve developed here, and perhaps more importantly, B) developing and cultivating a sense of community, of deep friendship at home. It’s this second part that I’m kind of worried about, honestly. In a sense I’ve gone from having friends I’ve had all my life at CCA, to really deep friendships here at Semester, to not having the same kind of community at all at home. I haven’t yet experienced life at home, with my old friends at college, and I don’t have any idea what that looks like. I know I’m called to do CP!, but it’s definitely not the social experience this has been. It’s going to be radically different going from having 40 people keeping me company and accountable 24/7 to be studying on my own for most of the day.

So I’m not quite sure what that is going to look like, and I have no idea about what my schedule will look like either. It’s crazy how much more I get done when I have a schedule and stick to it. Not having internet or phone here means there are a lot less distractions, but the test of what we’ve learned is not how much we accomplish here but how we take it home and apply it and implement it for the rest of our lives.

One of the best ideas we’ve talked about in going home is to make a list of all the things we’re looking forward to about going home, to remind ourselves that this isn’t the end of the world. (And seriously, we’re not that depressed at all – it’s just a very weird time…)

So here’s my partial list (I’m sure there’s more… and these are ordered as they jumped into my head – not a whole lot of significance)
• Being with family!
• Church! I’ve really missed it – definitely more grateful for it now…
• Seeing and getting to regularly communicate with old friends
• Getting to read all the books I already own and need to read
• Organizing my lifetime reading list
• Working with missions stuff at church
• Working with media stuff at church
• Hanging out/investing in the youth group
• Normal cell phone use (yes, this is this far down the list)
• Getting a new cell phone – possibly more excited about this – I’m not sure what I’ll do when I don’t have to climb a mountain to get coverage every-other day or so, haha…
• Limited internet use – I really have no desire to use it every day! (except maybe for blogging…we’ll see….)
• Processing through more of what we’ve talked about here – especially talking things out with people
• Working around the house and yard – I am excited about this – regular work crews grow on you, though I’m not sure you want me to put up barbed-wire fences – those are the most fun by far! (seriously….)
• Eventually talking with M&Ms and trying to figure out more of what I’m specifically called to – discussions here have raised a lot of really good questions I need to wrestle through

So yeah. That’s what’s running through my head. Hopefully it made some sense.

And I am looking forward to seeing y’all this week!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

2009-11-15T14:08:00.002-06:00

Day 71, Summit Semester

Two weeks from today, I will be back home. That's a really weird thought.

Things have been really busy. I didn't blog before now, so these won't be profound at all. Sorry, haha.

Highlights:

We're having a blast, despite the fact time is flying way too fast.

A couple of us stayed after class for over an hour, talking to Bauman about different things, and it was really good. And after that, we went mattress sliding again. (Yes, Mom, I was careful, and my leg is doing well.)

We've been discussing the Reformation and the events leading up to it and the major figures of it this week in Theology, and it's been good. Bauman is an amazing teacher.

We had a really interesting discussion on CS Lewis' views on worship and prayer yesterday morning. It was fascinating, but I think I've found an area where I definitely don't agree with him, on how a worship service should be run. Interesting stuff to think about though.

We've looked at Wordsworth and the Romantic poets in Brit Lit. I'm glad we're reading a lot of their works, but I think I appreciate the old school guys like Gray and Milton and Donne a lot more...

It seems impossible, but our time here seems to be getting better and better. I'm so grateful for the leadership and for my friends. It's absolutely amazing.

At the same time, I'm not dreading coming home, just so you know. It's definitely going to be different, and I don't really have any idea what I'm coming home to schedule wise (which is weird after 3 months of great rigidity - seriously, no sarcasm - you get used to the schedule and it's really helpful - a lot harder to waste time...).

I'm just really happy and really grateful for this opportunity. I couldn't imagine doing anything better these three months.

Monday, November 9, 2009

2009-11-09T14:22:00.000-06:00

Day 65, Summit Semester

Today was seriously the most fun I've had in a long long time! The first year of Summit Semester, they were planning to have a Harvest Fall celebration, but it got tongue twisted, and has immortally become known as Farvest Hall celebration. It's pretty epic.

We started out the morning in five teams, out in the field. It turns out they don't really sell pumpkins after All Saint's Day (for some reason also associated with something called halloween or something? yeah, not sure...), so we couldn't have pumpkin carving. We did something way better - gourd carving and sculpture. My team came in 2nd place with a great representation of a wonderful political leader. (Pictures withheld so Summit doesn't lose tax exemption and I don't wind up in jail or something within the next seven years. But as Bauman cheerfully asserts: "It's not slander if it's true!")

We also had a shooting contest going on while we were carving. For my second time to shoot, I did decent, and it was fun. That's something I'd definitely like to learn how to do well when I get home...

After that, we had an amazing celebration of World Freedom Day. We had an original 6+ minutes political speech, followed by a reenactment of tearing down the Berlin Wall. It was amazing - and it would only happen at Nerd Camp!

After that, we had a bobbing for apples contest, which ended with some people getting soaked. It was another cool thing to add to my list of new fun experiences at Semester.

We then had lunch - pumpkin soup in bread bowls and caramel apples.

After lunch, we watched a movie, which was interesting. We then got ready for the costume party. People had crazy costumes and it was hilarious. Food, dancing, games, and pure fun. I love how this community can be so academic and deep, discussing intense things, and crazy silly and having a blast at the same time. It's amazing...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

2009-11-07T14:07:00.000-06:00

Day 64, Summit Semester

In politics this week, we covered the Constitution – the Convention, the background of the different groups of Framers, the various economic and political ideologies, how the document itself was composed and defended. Definitely something we need to understand in this day and age.

In Brit Lit, we’ve been hitting the highlights of Milton’s Paradise Lost. There’s not nearly enough time to go through all 11,000 lines, but we got a great overview and feel for it over the past three days.

In Theology, we’ve been discussing the guys leading up the Reformation – Thomas More and Erasmus. Interesting to really understand the political, social, and theological background going on during that time.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

2009-11-04T14:06:00.000-06:00

Day 61, Summit Semester

Bauman returned! We gave him a standing O as he entered class tonight. Williams and Moreland were great, but it’s so much fun to have Bauman back. In typical Bauman fashion, he trashed both Williams and Moreland, both good friends of his, implying if not outright stating we shouldn’t trust what we learned while he was gone. Seriously, where else in the world do you get the quality of profs we get in three months? It’s amazing!

Bauman told the story of a scientist who wanted to be an entomologist – someone who studies insects. His prof gave him a specimen to study – a fish. For his first week, his only assignment was to stare at the fish – learn and observe everything he could about it using only his eyes, hands, and pencil and paper. He thought he knew everything there was to know about the fish within the first hour, but as the prof kept coming back and asking him what else he learned, he realized he wasn’t really seeing the fish. So over the course of that week, thinking about it in the lab and at night, and being quizzed by the prof, he learned how to really see and observe.

Bauman’s point? Keep staring at the fish! “I won’t always be here to answer your questions – that’s not real learning anyway. Stare at the fish! Think about it, figure it out yourself! Learn. And keep staring at the fish from every possible angle.”

If there’s one thing we’re learning at Semester, it’s that learning is a lifetime process. Our questions can’t be answered in a Semester, we can only realize how deep the questions really go and how little we actually know – about ourselves, the world, God, knowledge. There is infinitely more to learn, and while we’ll never get to the point where we know it all, learning and thinking well should be a part of every day for the rest of our lives.

Monday, November 2, 2009

2009-11-02T14:05:00.000-06:00

Day 59, Summit Semester

Today was a nice day of rest after a quick but fun art field trip to Santa Fe. I talked with Naomi for about an hour in the morning, which was really good. There are definitely some things I really need to think through and define, both for myself and others, about missions and mobilizing. I love being in a place where good questions challenge you to the core and force you to really know what you think. They help clarify and make you sort through what you really believe. It was really helpful.

We then went into town, where we spent most of the day. We had internet access for three days in a row, with our trip to Santa Fe, and I definitely ran out of things to do. Of course, there’s always something to do on FB, but I had to think about how to spend my last hour or two on the internet. So crazy. I really need to ration my time on the internet when I get home. It’s one of those things you think you can’t live without, then you discover you live so much more and accomplish a gazillion more things without it…

quickly...

2009-11-01T09:50:00.001-06:00

Hmm, so even though we had extra time on the internet, I didn't write out blogs beforehand this week, so this will be a pathetic week for blogging. Check FB, though, cause there are pics and videos up. A picture's worth a thousand words, so that should satisfy, right?

Monday we had Bible class and small group, and on Tuesday we had two art classes, one in the morning with Charlie (we did skits again) and one in the evening with his wife on art history. She's a high school art teacher, and she ran through the major art movements of the past 160 ish years so we would be prepared for our art field trip to Sante Fe this weekend.

Wednesday through Friday we had Dr. JP Moreland, one of the most important Christian philosophers alive today. He's a great teacher, though I will say he's much more enjoyable in person than in books (don't get me wrong, I really like his books and need to read more of them). He was great, I just wish we had more time with him.

Yesterday, we drove down early to Sante Fe to look at various art galleries. We started with a postmodern gallery called Site Sante Fe, which was interesting. I learned I need to start coring concrete out of the floors and selling it for thousands and thousands of dollars.

We then hung out on Canyon Road for several hours. There are dozens upon dozens of galleries there, with all kinds of art. It was definitely interesting. We then came back to the hotel, hung out, had great Mexican food, talked about art, and then used the internet for hours on end. It was pretty amazing.

Happy All Saints Day!

wRestling, Rights, and Remembering

2009-10-25T14:46:00.004-05:00

Day 51, Summit Semester

Disclaimer: this is really long, but it’s really important. It’s what I’ve been wrestling with all Semester, and I’m now kind of maybe starting to get it…

(read the referenced blog first...for some reason, I don't think it posted last week, sorry)

So the “personal blog” I wrote last week was written Saturday night (10-17), and it was kind of coming from some of the frustration (and resignation) I’d been wrestling with for the past couple of weeks. Various things, those outside my control and those inspired by some of the Semester experience, have left me feeling less secure about my future plans than I was before coming here. (Perhaps, as Bauman asserts, I’ve been confused all along, and it just takes the right questions to make me realize it.) Seriously though, I felt to some degree that the rug had been pulled out from under me again, as far as my plans for the future.

And I really struggled with this. I struggled with not knowing. I struggled because I felt like I wasn’t trusting God like I should. I struggled because I felt I had, in some way, walked this path before (post-Implosion and college decision) and yet I was struggling with trusting God just as much now as then, though I have already seen Him work things out better than I could have planned or dreamed in a million years. It was frustrating because it felt like I had made no progress, that I was currently in an unstable spiritual state of not trusting God fully, and that I still really wanted to know what’s coming and I still have no idea.

I talked with Naomi, my mentor and small group leader, and she had some really helpful stuff to say. In a sense, she’s been in a place of not knowing any long term plans for the past six years, so she definitely understood what I was wrestling with. She said that sometimes the Christian life doesn’t seem so much like hills and valleys as it does this spiraling motion – often it seems we keep coming back to the same issue/problem/question time and time again, each time coming with a little more knowledge than we had before, which can inspire both hope (God got me through this once, we can do it again) and frustration (God why can’ t I learn this and move on?). There are times it just seems like I haven’t grown at all since the last time God tried to teach me this, and yet I know I have. Talking with her really gave me a better perspective, and I definitely had more peace after that, but it was still simmering at the back of my conscious for another week or two. Which led to Saturday’s blog of frustration.

And then came (last) Sunday morning, when God gave me exactly what I needed in church. It was amazing. The pastor is preaching through Philippians, and he was at the last part of Philippians 2, which is about Timothy and Epaphroditus…not exactly a passage obviously conducive to application. He talked about their example, how they didn’t look out for their own interests, but those of Jesus Christ, and how they were willing to and almost died for the Gospel. He talked about how far this is from our understanding of the Christian life today. We understand that if you join the Marines, you give up all rights – they own you and you do exactly what they tell you, even if you don’t like or understand it or consider it abusive. You signed up, and they own you. Yet we don’t carry this understanding over to our understanding of the God of the Universe, who created us and owns us more than the United States ever could.

He talked about how there’s no middle ground – we have “full devotion” or “no devotion.” There’s a straight narrow path, and an easy wide path – we’re not given the option of middle ground. We’re called to live holistically, and following Jesus costs me everything. We can’t have everything on our “middle road” and have Jesus. It just doesn’t work that way.

Going back to a theme of Bauman’s, I have no biblical rights, only responsibilities. I have no rights, only the obligation to remember and the responsibility to obey.

I have no rights. I have no right to assume college or the pursuit of Master’s degree or a missions career or marriage. I have no right to know God’s plan or where I’ll be next year or five years down the road. I have no right to my next breath. Jesus is EVERYTHING, and nothing can be better than Him. To paraphrase CS Lewis, he who has _________ + God has nothing more than he who has God alone.

I forget so quickly. And God knows this.

In the Pentateuch, God commands us to “remember” 18 times. In the same space, God “remembers” 6 times. Based on the rest of Scripture and my personal experience, we don’t remember well often at all. That’s why it’s commanded so frequently.

This idea of remembrance isn’t new to me. Pastor Syvelle talked about it when I was 10 at the Garden Tomb. It came up again when I was 16, in India. Later that year I wrote a paper about the connection between those – see here. That year in chapel, Mr. Gregory went with the theme of the Hebrew word “zakar” – meaning to remember and therefore live - for chapel as we worked through the 10 Commandments. I then put that term on a leather bracelet I made that summer and have worn since. I’ve been journaling consistently for the past four or five years. It’s something I’m aware of, but that I fail to practice.

And when I forget what God has done, and how glorious He is, how perfect and faithful, I get in trouble really fast.

God commands us to remember, because we’re stupid humans and we forget the important things really, really fast.

So when I forget what God has done, and live in light of my forgetfulness – walking in worry or doubt or fear – I am sinning. I’m pretty good at this.

There’s a quote I stumbled across on a blog one time, and I love it, because I think it sums up what I’ve been wrestling with really well.

“I find I fall the hardest when I try the hardest to do in myself what God wants to do in me.”

I’m called to live. To die. To surrender. To jump. To trust. To love. To work out my salvation with fear and trembling, because it is God who works in me to will in to act according to His good purpose.

His purpose is good. It is good, because He is good. It is safe to trust God.

I’m called to remember – remember what God has done in history and in my life, and to remember those who have gone before me, those who have given everything to follow Jesus. How can I not do the same, for Him who is always faithful even as I forget time and time again?

The LORD will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O LORD, endures forever – do not abandon the works of Your hands!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

2009-10-24T14:41:00.000-05:00

Day 50, Summit Semester

Trip to Mesa Verde….see FB pics and postcards coming soon to an address near you.

After we got back from Mesa Verde, about eight of us had a campfire up on the ridge. It was fun just hanging out. The fire was beautiful. I still can’t get over the stars. There’s so many of them, more than I’ve ever seen before, and it blows my mind to realize how big the universe is, and how amazing the creation of God is. There are so many things here that make the entire Semester experience so brilliant and beautiful.

Friday, October 23, 2009

2009-10-23T14:41:00.000-05:00

Day 49, Summit Semester

Ludicrous, Lacking, or Logical? The Validity of Lewis’ Trilemma
Why Evangelicals Can’t Write
Speaking the Truth in Love

The last two lectures were by far my favorite. They both deserve a blog all of their own, which will be forthcoming, but a summary is necessary now.

The first one was basically about how evangelicals don’t understand the mystery of the Gospel, or the symbolic power of the sacraments, and therefore we don’t understand the fullness of the Story in which God has revealed Himself and placed us. Therefore, we don’t communicate our own story creations well. It was fascinating, and something I definitely need to spend more time on.

The last lecture was the most significant and possibly the most important lecture we’ve had thus far. Dr. Williams has taught all four classes of Semester, and he’s kept up with many of the students in past years. He understands the tension we experience really well. Semester is amazing. To quote Williams, it is the closest thing to Schaeffer’s L’Abri as exists today and a true community of what the church is supposed to be. Which sounds incredible, but it’s infinitely more amazing to be here. It’s not just the intellectual brilliance, but also the community – it really is a family. And as much as we joke about it, it really is hard for us to relate/understand with the outside world, just as it is for them to us.

And yet the reality is we will be back home in five short weeks, which is a seriously kind of depressing thought. And Williams was preparing us for the fact that it will be depressing in some ways going back home, leaving the family we’ve had here for three months and going back to people we love, but people who simply haven’t had the experience of this community for three months.

With all we’ve learned and lived, seeing the vision of a Biblical worldview lived out in community, we’re going to want to go back and change the world, teach everybody everything we’ve learned. But it doesn’t work that way, and at a smaller level, that’s something we’re already realizing in our connection with the outside world. And Summit is training us to change the world, but we have to go about it in the right way. We have to speak the truth in love, earning the right to be heard by serving, not immediately assuming that we have all the answers that those in the outside world haven’t had the opportunity to learn. While that may be true, we can’t be frustrated with them for not having experienced what we’ve experienced.

And this is a genuine struggle. To a small degree, we already realize it, and it’s something I’ve struggled with on a much smaller scale coming home from missions trips or camps. And while we’re all looking forward to being home in one sense, we are definitely already dreading our departure in a little over a month. It’s a really weird tension, and while I’m not explaining it well, he and some of the other graduates here say it’s a lot easier to deal with if you communicate as much as possible with the people back home. So thus ends my feeble attempt to do such….

Thursday, October 22, 2009

2009-10-22T14:40:00.000-05:00

Day 48, Summit Semester

CS Lewis on Goodness, Truth, and Beauty (Continued)
A Christian Role Model: Edmund Spenser
Deconstructing Deconstructionism

Tonight was the performance of “Revenge of the DWEMs,” a one-act play/ Socratic tetralogue Dr. Williams wrote about the interaction of Socrates, Erasmus (a Renaissance scholar), a New Critic (the dominant literary view of the past century) professor, and a postmodern professor. DWEM stands for Dead White European Males, the “source of all evil in the world” according to the postmodernist. The other three prove her to be a fool, though, and it’s a great and funny way to understand the conflict of literary criticism today.

I ran lights and did the program, both of which were fun. Those might show up somewhere later.

Monday, October 19, 2009

2009-10-19T14:38:00.002-05:00

Day 45, Summit Semester

We had Dr. Donald T. Williams with us this week for a really broad course entitled “Literature: A Christian Approach.” I don’t know how it’s physically possible, but our lectures here just keep getting better and better! Seriously, it’s hard to comprehend how amazing Semester is and what a tremendous privilege and opportunity we have.

I really don’t have time to go into all of the lectures, but I will post the schedule here so you can be jealous. Dr. Williams definitely has a different style of teaching than Bauman – he claims Bauman is the best professor of the Socratic method alive today, and he won’t attempt to rival that. Dr. Williams presented his lectures as if reading an academic paper – so there was tons of great information, so much so that it was hard to keep up and take notes. It was great though – l loved it. (Not gonna lie though, I was seriously mad that the two lectures I wanted recorded the most were the ones my computer decided to lose – grrr.) I can’t say this was my favorite week, because everything else is so good too (!!!) but it was definitely incredible.

He gave three lectures every morning for 50-ish minutes each:

Monday
The Place of Study in the Christian Life
Repairing the Ruins: Thoughts On Christian Higher Education
The Necessity of Narrative: A Theology of Literature

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Day 46, Summit Semester
Worldviews in Literature
Poetry
The Expression of Emotion in Poetry

Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Day 47, Summit Semester
The Praise of Christ in English Poetry
CS Lewis as a Literary Scholar
CS Lewis on Goodness, Truth, and Beauty

Saturday, October 17, 2009

2009-10-17T14:36:00.000-05:00

Day 43, Summit Semester

And now for a blog of a more personal nature:

Yo no se nada.

Seriously, it’s kind of overwhelming how much I don’t know. About everything. And I guess that’s kind of the point. I’m a (very) finite creature, still relatively young and inexperienced, and this is how the world works.

God knows. He knows what I do not know. He knows what I want to know. He knows what I think I need to know right now, and He knows the perfect timing in which He will reveal that.

As Ecclesiastes says, “Of the making of books there is no end.” There is always more to learn, more to study, and while this is good, this is not ultimate. The pursuit of knowledge is only good insofar as it leads to Him who is Truth.

As I so often need to be reminded, we’re called to seek the face of God, not His hand, nor His plan. Those are not ultimate. Knowing Jesus is.

Psalm 27:8. My heart says of You, “Seek His face!” Your face, LORD, I will seek.

Friday, October 16, 2009

2009-10-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

Day 42, Summit Semester

We continued our discussion of Milton in Brit Lit, but also looked at his political theory in Politics. He wrote the Areopagitica, the greatest defense of the press ever written in English. He also wrote a book called On Education, which was an interesting perspective. Two quotes from him on the purpose of education:

“Education is that which fits a man to perform justly, skillfully, and magnanimously, all the offices public and private, in peace and war.”

“The purpose of education is to help repair the ruins of our first parents by learning to know God aright.”

In other words, education ought to be part of the process of redemption and sanctification - we need to learn to love God and imitate Him to possess true virtue in our souls.

Today was significant in a somewhat depressing way. It’s our half-way point through the Semester, a rather sobering thought. Perhaps because of our isolation, the rather strict schedule, or simply because we’re having fun, time has absolutely flown by here. It seems like we just arrived a week or two ago.

And as Bethany and I discussed last night, we’re all starting to realize that this Semester isn’t about how much we learn here. We’re learning a ton, but that’s really not the purpose. We’re realizing how much we don’t know, and won’t be able to figure out in the next six weeks. But we are being given the tools to think well and study well for the rest of our lives. With the questions we have to wrestle with now, and the new ones that are sure to come, that’s about how long it will take, too. We all have a list of books to read that’s about three miles long, and we’re always asking Bauman for more books. We’re not gluttons for punishment; it’s just contagious. Once you start learning how to really study and think, you want to keep doing it.

In that sense, Semester is somewhat different than I expected. But I love it. Where else can you wrestle with the big questions of life in a community that’s seeking the Truth together?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

2009-10-15T14:32:00.000-05:00

Day 41, Summit Semester

We started talking about John Milton in Brit Lit today, which is definitely interesting. Bauman thinks Milton’s always brilliant and poetic, even when he’s dead wrong. He’s certainly an incredible guy. He felt he was called to be a poet, which he thought was just as important calling as a pastor, because both are called to communicate the Truth in words to the people. He felt called to write the greatest English epic poem of all time, so he took six years at Cambridge for his BA and MA, then went back home for about nine years to prepare, read, and study to be the best poet.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

2009-10-14T14:32:00.000-05:00

Day 40, Summit Semester

This morning we had “Bible with Eric and God.” We’ve been reading through big chunks of the OT, and in class once a week we talk about major themes. The past couple of weeks we covered creation, the Law, and today we talked about the covenants we’ve read about so far: Noah, Abraham, and Moses.

At the end of last week, we looked at Shakespeare. Bauman asked us to read Romeo and Juliet in small groups over the weekend so we would be ready to discuss it today. I read it with Abby, Bethany, and Precious – it’s definitely more amusing reading it out loud. And if you ever thought the Old English literature and culture was nice and chaste….um, haha. Maybe not… Tonight instead of a lecture, we watched the film of Romeo and Juliet from the 60s. We awkwardly censored a whole scene, but it was good.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

2009-10-13T14:31:00.000-05:00

Day 39, Summit Semester

Charlie Pepitone, our art teacher, is familiar with all kinds of art, but his focus is theater. He has his Master’s in theater production or direction or something like that, and he leads an acting group around here. He’s taught college drama courses, so he definitely knows what he’s doing with theater. We spent art class today learning about theater, and it was really interesting. I was involved in all the plays and musicals in high school on the tech side of them, doing lights and sound, so I’ve had decent exposure to theater. It was really interesting to have a class with a professional actor/director, and hear what he tells his professional actors. Let’s just say it was different from my high school experiences, and quite fascinating.

Monday, October 12, 2009

2009-10-12T14:29:00.000-05:00

Day 38, Summit Semester

Today we went to Durango, which is about an hour away from SWL. We had lunch in a park, then we hung out in downtown Durango for a couple of hours. It was nice to have a day to just chill and not have a whole lot of driving or activity. There are several blocks of shops – mostly touristy kinds of stuff, but it was fun to go and look around. I hung out with Bethany most of the day, and that was good.

The most interesting experience of the day was a used bookstore. It looked like an old small house, and it was completely crammed from floor to ceiling with books. The aisles were so narrow that you often had to walk kind of sideways to get through, and you definitely couldn’t pass anyone. You had to back out and let them come through or some other maneuvering. It was kind of cool, but also had kind of a chaotic overwhelming feel to it as well.

After downtown, we had a little over an hour to shop at Wal-mart and grab dinner before heading back to the lodge.

Christianity and Culture diagrams

2009-10-11T15:24:00.002-05:00

So I still haven't processed this enough from last week to do a decent job of coherently explaining what we talked about. We discussed so much and it's all so important. I want to write a book about it, but I have to get it straight in my head first. So that will be forthcoming, but until then, here are some of the diagrams from the lectures. I'll try to explain them, but they should give a quick idea of the complexity of some of the stuff we're dealing with. I loved this course though, and I will elaborate later...

Click on each picture to get a bigger image...

So this is the chart of the history of Evangelicals and Fundamentals in America the past two centuries. Ideas have consequences, and they have histories.

Culture is what we create and what creates us. We have to be able to "read" what culture tells us and what we internalize, and we have to "write" culture - externalize and create culture.

This is dealing with how we understand culture and our call to create from Genesis. Below is a larger version. God formed and filled the earth, and calls us to do the same.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

2009-10-08T15:23:00.000-05:00

Bauman returned! He had only been gone a week and a half, but somehow it seemed longer. It was fun to have class with him again. We jumped right back into everything.

In politics, we moved from our discussion of John Stuart Mill and Libertarianism to Niccolo Machiavelli and The Prince and his theory of the politics of power. It’s pretty straightforward: if you want to get and keep power, you must become indifferent to questions of morality and Christian values. You also have to be a realpolitik – realistic about the world, knowing that it’s better to be feared than loved or hated. You have to be un-virtuous in a subterranean fashion – accommodate evil and get it done quickly under the table.

Beyond this, though, you have to be a “political virtuoso” – you have to be as good at politics and reading situations and people as a violin virtuoso is with his instrument. You have to practice for hours and hours every day for years to reach this level; you can’t survive if you’re an amateur. You have to have insight and perception others don’t have; you have to have careful and precise observation so you know how things are now and how they can be changed in your favor.

Here’s the frustrating part. I’ll just quote Bauman: “CHRISTIANS DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS! It’s not enough to send money to Focus on the Family, pray once in a while, and vote Republican. The guys we’re opposing know Machiavelli and they hope we stay just how we are right now. The typical Christian just hopes and prays things turn out well. Machiavelli says this is like rolling the dice and leaving things to chance, which virtuosos never do. God is in control of history, but He works through His people.”

Machiavelli said to be both a lion and a fox; Jesus commanded us to be as wise as serpents and harmless as doves. If we’re not wise in what we do, we can’t be harmless: we will inflict harm on our causes and ourselves.

Ronald Reagan is the best example of a Christian following Machiavelli’s principles. We’re starting to read When Character was King: A Story of Ronald Reagan by Peggy Noonan, so I’m sure I’ll have more to say about him later. Bauman also mentioned Phyllis Schaeffly as someone who knew what to do and did it well. He said she single-handedly defeated the Equal Rights Amendment by taking on both houses of Congress and 30 states and winning.

I asked Dr. Bauman why the Church is so terrible at influencing culture and politics and how we can change that. His reply was basically “the Church isn’t going to change. You have to learn and get involved and get good, fast.” Christian individuals need to study Machiavelli, study Reagan and Schaeffly and the like, and become virtuosos, not bumbling idiots who don’t really know what they’re doing or what their opponents are doing.

PS: See FB note for additional response to this + culture class from last week…

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

2009-10-06T15:14:00.001-05:00

Day 32, Summit Semester

Today art class was a little different. Last week we talked about what it meant for something to be “sacred” and how to define “sacred arts.” We read a chapter on “midrash,” the Hebrew concept of inventing stories about the silences in Scripture to understand the text better. Most of us agreed that while that could be helpful to a very limited level, it’d be pretty easy to take that concept way too far. Anyways, our assignment was to create some form of art based on Genesis 22, the story of the sacrifice of Isaac. We could draw, write, sing, put together a play, sculpt, just about anything. It was interesting to see what people came up with. I did a sketch of sorts, using the words and the context of what we know about Abraham and the promises he had received before this. I used different verses, from Genesis 12 through 22, and a couple random ones from Hebrews and Samuel, to illustrate the scene. The history of what Abraham and Isaac have been through add so much to the story – you really have to get the background to understand the story at all.

This evening we had Jeff Ventrella come speak. He’s the vice-president of Alliance Defense Fund, an organization and network of Christian lawyers working to support Christians legally and especially protect free speech and First Amendment rights as it relates to Christianity. Jeff is in charge of their education department, which includes speaking to groups and overseeing Blackstone Fellowship, a nine-week internship they have for first year law students, to train them in a Biblical perspective of law.

He talked about natural law, and how that’s the foundation for private and social life in Western Civilization. Natural law isn’t innate moral knowledge, biological instinct, matters of consensus, the physical laws of nature, or moral law as known through the Bible. He defined natural law as “a notion of law that is both transcendent and imminent, and is therefore binding and knowable.”

He explained why we have to have natural law from an experience he had in a debate hosted by the Museum of Tolerance in San Francisco. The Museum of Tolerance was originally an organization created after the Holocaust to prevent that from happening again, but has since been hijacked by the Left. His opponent declared that there was no natural law, but that all rights came from the state. Jeff refuted this quickly, arguing that if the only source of rights is the state, and the only law is positive law, what we create, then Dachau was right and Nuremburg was wrong, because the Nazis did everything according to their positive law. There has to be a law above our law.

Wednesday morning, we had “Bible with Eric and God, “ our Bible survey class. We had read the book of Deuteronomy, and we talked about the Law and how we’re under the New Covenant. Bauman came back, but he didn’t teach because we had another lecture with Jeff Ventrella on law.

Monday, October 5, 2009

2009-10-05T15:14:00.000-05:00

Day 31, Summit Semester

On Monday, our weekend day, we would have climbed the 14-er, but instead we had just a chill day in town. We got to use the internet for several hours, make phone calls, walk around and see the touristy shops, and we had lunch at the Mexican restaurant. We came back to the lodge around 3:30, and studied or hung out for the rest of the day. That evening was the long anticipated (for some) football game between the Vikings and the Packers, and there was a party at Bob’s house. (He’s the property manager for Snow Wolf Lodge, and he’s a really cool guy. He also has a really nice TV…) Almost-7-month-old Liam was enjoying watching everybody and learning to clap when everybody else did, but he got scared at the first touchdown when several of the guys exploded. The Smiths decided it was bedtime after that, haha. It was a fun, restful day.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

2009-10-04T15:13:00.000-05:00

Day 30, Summit Semester

Last week John Stonestreet was here Wednesday through Saturday morning lecturing on Christianity and Culture. Bauman had a week off to stay in Michigan and not worry about crossing two time zones to teach at two different institutions several states away. We definitely missed him, but Stonestreet’s lectures were amazing. He and his family left after lunch on Saturday, so we had Saturday evening free. This was the weekend we were scheduled to camp overnight and then climb the fourteener, but it turns out there was a blizzard on the mountain. We decided to stay home.

We had a campfire Saturday evening, with s’mores and banana boats. I had never had banana boats, but they were fun. You unpeel only one part of the banana, hollow out the top, and then fill it with peanut butter and chocolate chips. Cover it with the peel and tin foil, then heat it in the coals. It was really good.

We told stories – stupid, “scary,” and funny, sang songs, and laughed a lot. It was a fun evening. About half of us then sleep outside. I was with five other girls in a tent, but a good number were just sleeping out under the stars. We were really grateful for the tent when it started raining at about 1 a.m. Gratefully, it didn’t get nearly as cold as it has other nights.

The next morning we had instant oatmeal and toast cooked over the fire, then we hiked up to the cross on the ridge opposite our lodge. During the first semester here three years ago, several of the guys erected this huge cross as a symbol of the legacy they wanted to leave. It looks really small from the lodge, but it’s definitely big in person. We hiked about two miles, I think, going the long way, which meant we weren’t bushwhacking all the way up. There were some steep parts, but it was beautiful. It was the last great chance to see the leaves in all their glorious color. Since then, the leaves have definitely been falling/turning more of a brownish color. We hiked over several beautiful ridges, and we saw a black bear on the opposite ridge from us.

Once we got to the cross, we had church up there. We sang several hymns, and then Benn (“Benn with 2 “n”s – it’s not short for anything, it’s just long for Ben”), who was at Semester last year and is the brother of Abby, a student this year, did a devo. He talked about humility and how that’s the defining characteristic of Christ in Philippians 2. It was a really cool time.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

2009-09-30T15:35:00.000-05:00

Today we had "Bible with Eric and God" in the morning, and we started going through the Bible as one story. While it's not a new concept to me, it's definitely interesting. We looked at the first two chapters of Genesis, looking at creation and the responsibilities of man. We then had an hour of solitude to pray and read Scripture.

Wednesday evening was exciting because John Stonestreet arrived and began teaching his class on "Christianity and Culture." He used to teach a full semester senior level class on this at Bryan College, and I definitely wish I could take the full thing. His class has been my favorite, as well as most challenging (not work load wise, but just in thinking through things and wanting to respond and make a difference). I'm going to skip over most of his stuff, because I haven't worked through it enough to coherently summarize it. That, and I didn't type these blogs out ahead of time. Sorry Mom. Suffice it to say for now that I've loved this week of classes, and I'm excited about the ideas I'll get to wrestle through in the coming days and week about culture and Christianity and how I (and the Church) needs to be involved.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

2009-09-29T15:28:00.001-05:00

Tuesdays are art class days with Charlie Pepitone. He's a cool guy, strong Christian though definitely liberal, but it's kind of cool to get different viewpoint on some things. On other things, it's more frustrating, and gives me a lot more respect for my mom's liberal seminary experience. It's a fascinating class, though - I'm really enjoying it. In terms of information, it's definitely the class I have the least experience in, and I'm finding my interest is growing. I've wanted to do "media" - combining words and graphics and layouts - but more and more I'm realizing I need to learn how to do "art." Not quite sure what this looks like yet, but Charlie's class is definitely the most intriguing and frustrating class right now, and it's encouraging me to look more into all of this once Semester's over.

After dinner, we also have small groups, and tonight we met up at Dr. Bauman's house, which is the second story of the Smiths' duplex. It was fun and a good time of discussion. Afterwards, Naomi, my mentor, and I, walked the mile and back down to Blue Creek Road in the moonlight, and that was amazing. We talked about a lot of stuff, from trusting God to experiences of the past couple years to art. It was great.

Monday, September 28, 2009

2009-09-28T15:20:00.000-05:00

Today we went to Starbucks, Wal-mart, and Ouray, in order of significance. The former two are very exciting when you live over an hour from them. Ouray, though three times as far away, was not as exponentially excited. It was a fun, quaint little tourist trap, and the scenery is beautifully, but I'm not sure the town itself deserves the moniker "America's Switzerland." It is surrounded by mountains, which all made us a little claustrophobic, but I'm still holding out to see the real thing someday.

It was definitely a fun day, though. We had a great van to spend 6+ hours together, and the scenery was absolutely beautiful. The trees were mostly yellows and golds, which made us appreciate our own reds and oranges around the lodge that much more. We ended the evening with a meal at Applebee's which was amazing because I got chips and queso and quesadillas. It was pretty amazing...

Friday, September 25, 2009

2009-09-25T14:02:00.000-05:00

Day 22, Summit Semester

Today, Bauman decided to switch things around a little bit. Instead of having the podium at the front of the room, he moved it to the second story balcony surrounding the classroom. He made a comment about being closer to God and having more authority from the position.

After he left for the afternoon, we (at the suggestion of the staff) decided to turn the tables. We moved all the desks and chairs to the second floor balcony and brought his podium and stool back to the first floor. We put the podium in the center of the room, and wrote “the tables have been turned” on the whiteboard at the front.

For our evening class, we all got there 15 minutes early. We hurried upstairs, where our desks were overlooking the now empty classroom below. We turned out all the lights, except for one light that shined directly on the whiteboard.

We waited in the dark for about 15 minutes, though definitely not quietly as some wanted. When we saw his headlights pulling up, we all settled down to wait for his reaction. It was pretty awesome. He walked in and didn’t say anything for a minute, then walked to the front to turn on the lights. He finally said “Oh my gosh…. I approve.” It was pretty incredible, and definitely made for a memorable class.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

2009-09-24T14:01:00.000-05:00

Day 21, Summit Semester

We had study time in the morning, and class with Dr. Bauman in the afternoon, once he finally got here. We jumped right back into our discussion of abortion, followed by a lecture on civil rights. In Brit Lit, we’re in the middle of studying Chaucer, currently looking at the Canterbury Tales. After dinner we had a lecture on the Second Century Church Fathers Tertullian and Justin Martyr.

I’m loving Bauman’s classes. His sarcasm and wit keep things amusing, and he’s always challenging if we really know what we say we believe. We have to think hard about everything, and sometimes we leave class with more questions than answers, but it is amazing. Having a semester to wrestle through deep questions in community, focusing not only on academics but also on personal growth and discipleship, is absolutely amazing. I am so glad I am here.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

2009-09-23T14:00:00.000-05:00

Day 20, Summit Semester

Wednesday mornings we have our Bible survey course with Eric. We’re focusing on how we actually read Scripture. Too often as evangelicals, we don’t know how to read the Bible, why we read the Bible, or how to properly understand and apply it.

“We act as if there is no history or cultural context to Scripture – because it’s hard to understand, we open it up, read a verse, and wrestle it into some sort of inspirational thought for the day that might be entirely wrong and unbiblical.”

We’re discussing how the best way to understand Scripture is in the context of a story. John Stonestreet used the example of a six act drama:

The Six Act Drama – (from Bartholomew and Goheen) – focus on God

I: God Establishes His Kingdom (Creation)

II: Rebellion in the Kingdom (Fall)

III: The King Chooses Israel (Redemption Initiated)

Scene 1: A people for the King

Scene 2: A land for His People

IV: The Coming of the King (Redemption accomplished)

V: Spreading the news of the King (Church’s mission)

Scene 1: from Jerusalem to Rome

Scene 2: and into all the world

(evangelize but act as if the Kingdom belongs to the King)

VI: The Return of the King (Redemption Completed)

When looking at the Bible as a single story, it makes more sense. It’s harder to purposefully pull verses or chapters or books out of context when you’re trying to understand the larger picture of what God is doing.

Dr. Bauman’s flight was delayed in Denver, so we didn’t get to have him speak Wednesday night. We did a typical “team-building” exercise, where you have one paper plate per person, and everybody has to get across from one side of the room to the other. You can only step on a paper plate, not the floor, and if the staff catches you on the floor, you have to go back and you get a handicap – blindness, the loss of one or both legs, etc. We were easily successful, despite Eric changing the rules in the middle of the game.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

2009-09-22T13:59:00.000-05:00

Day 19, Summit Semester

Tuesday’s main activity is art class with Charlie Pepitone. We spent the first part of class presented the skits we had written and practiced over the past week. It was a fun activity, and some skits were very amusing. I took and edited video for a couple scenes in our skit, and I was definitely pleased with how that came together. I wasn’t excited about the problems we had with the projector and audio during the skit, but all things considered, it went well.

The next part of class has been the subject of dozens of discussions since class ended. Our textbook for the class is Arts, Theology, and the Church: New Intersections. It’s a really interesting collection of essays on the arts and the Church, but it definitely doesn’t come from an evangelical perspective. It’s been interesting as we (the students + some discussions with the staff) have wrestled through two chapters, figuring out what we think about these concepts coming from a very liberal, if not New Age-y perspective. The staff is definitely aware of this, and we all agree it’s a good challenge, to be given a different perspective from a liberal Christian like Charlie. It’s somewhat harder than I expected, wading through material, sifting out what I know to be true and what I know to be false, and applying this to concepts that may be very unfamiliar, due to the worldview of the author or simply the subject matter of the arts.

I really enjoyed Charlie’s lecture, and it definitely gives us something to think about. For me, it’s been really good to wrestle through some of these issues, deciding whether or not I agree with the doctrine, and if I don’t, identifying what is wrong and what I do actually believe. This class is definitely stretching me, from my lack of sketching skills to theoretical discussions about the definitions of art, beauty, glory, and suffering, but it’s definitely a good stretching.

Monday, September 21, 2009

2009-09-21T13:52:00.000-05:00

Day 18, Summit Semester

Today was our weekend day, and we went on a hike to Opal Lake in the nearby San Juan National Forrest. It turns out the lake is only 1.5 miles from the trailhead where we parked, but we didn’t know that setting out. We were told by those who had been there before that “they didn’t think there was a fork in the trail, but if there was, it would be obvious. Just follow the trail.”

So we did. We started as a group, but some quickly forged ahead, others kept a more moderate pace, and the Smith family (with three kids under four, soon to be four kids under four) and a few others helping them brought up the rear. Unfortunately, it turned out everyone who had been there before was in the last group, so those plunging ahead through the trees didn’t really know where they were going. Neither did I, as my group was following pretty closely behind them.

We kept hiking, going further and further, expecting the lake to appear just beyond this ridge. Or the one after this one or the one after the tenth one. Finally we hear voices coming through the quiet serenity of the aspen grove we’re walking through, and we assume it must be just ahead. Then we turn around and realize the voices are coming from behind us, from Eric and Jonathan. They had run to catch us after having arrived at the lake and not finding everyone there, as those that were far ahead should be.

It turns out we hiked about an extra three miles. All in all, it was worth it, despite being tired and sore at the time. We got to see two beautiful meadows and the aspen groves we went through were awesome, much cooler than the lake, the object of our searching actually was.

When we made it back to the fork and found the sign flat on the ground by the pile of rocks, Rosie and I who were hiking together both commented we hadn’t even noticed it going up. We were so focused on getting up that hill that we didn’t pause to see where the trail turned off. It seems the little things not quickly noticed can sometimes have great impact…

Saturday, September 19, 2009

2009-09-19T14:57:00.000-05:00

Day 16, Summit Semester

In Christianity and Politics, we’ve been discussing terrorism – what it is, different public policies on how to deal with, what should be the Christian response, and how we can prepare to avoid/prevent it. I found it absolutely fascinating.

In Brit Lit, we’ve been looking at Beowulf, the Pearl poet and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, and now Chaucer. As much as I enjoy reading literature, it is nice to get a feel for these stories without reading the whole thing.

In History of Christian Theology, we looked at the Apostolic Fathers - Clement of Rome, Ignatius, Polycarp, and Papias, as well as the Didache, which was an early (c. 120) training manuel for new Christians. Today we had a discussion on the Trinity and the first four Church Councils. While the other two classes are fascinating, this is definitely my favorite class.

Things are going really well. We're starting getting to know each other on a deeper level, and getting more involved in class. I'm really enjoying my time up here, and I'm looking forward to the next 10 weeks.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

2009-09-16T14:54:00.000-05:00

Day 13, Summit Semester

This morning we had our “family meeting,” in which all the staff and students meet together to talk about policies, concerns, prayer requests, a devo, and other random stuff. We spent a long time discussing a rule that we didn’t change in the end, and then we had a time of solitude, which we’ll have every week. It’s scheduled time put aside to be alone and pray, read Scripture, and focus on hearing God or working out some of the questions that are coming up in class and study time.

Some of us are also meeting before breakfast on Wednesdays to read through and discuss Tortured for Christ, written by Richard Wurmbrand, the founder of Voice for the Martyrs. He was a pastor in Romania when the Soviets took control, and spent about 14 years in prison. It’s definitely a very eye-opening and convicting book.

After dinner, Dr. Bauman arrived from Michigan again, and he lectured on “How to Read Movies.” If you only look at the squiggles on the page, you’re not really reading, and the same is true of just looking at movies if you don’t understand visual literacy the all the components that go into making a film. After class, we watched Leap of Faith with Steve Martin, which was an interesting story of a fake evangelist using tricks and psychology to perform miracles, and the transformation he undergoes when he actually sees God do the miraculous. It was interesting, and it reminded me of watching movies with a mild mix of Mrs. Brown and Mr. Gregory, but it was fun.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

2009-09-15T14:52:00.000-05:00

Day 12, Summit Semester

This morning John Stonestreet kicked off our Bible survey course by looking at having a Biblical understanding of Scripture, some of the most common ways we abuse Scripture, and how to avoid that.

“The thing the Catholics were worried about after the Reformation is a valid concern – if everybody gets their own little Bible and own little devotions and applications, then you get everything under the sun. -> Joseph Smith, David Koresh, JWs, etc.”

It was really interesting, but as Eric commented later, some of it is a bit of a reactionary pendulum swing, so I’m still wrestling through some of what he said. I agree with most of it, and obviously there are problems, but I’m not sure those warrant the full extent of his response.

I understand that cults develop out of people deciding the Bible means something different for them, or even from a claim of “divine revelation.” And the point that only once in all of Scripture does God speak in a “still small voice” is valid. However, I think it is limiting the Holy Spirit to say He won’t speak anything that hasn’t already been written in Scripture.