Peace

So the other day I was sitting down with a really good friend and two other girls I'm just getting to know. They initiated it, and I'm really glad they did. We asked each other questions - kind of the typical, start-to-get-to-really-know-someone... like describe yourself in five words, how do you spend your free time, who are your some of your best friends and why, who has impacted you, etc.

One of the questions was what is your dream job. A question that is looming closer and closer on the horizon, and therefore feeling much less like a random question and much more real.

I thought about it, but there was none of the eternal turmoil I expected. (Wow, Freudian slip? I intended to write "internal turmoil...") For the past two years, another friend and I have dubbed my seemingly conflicting interests as my "trilemma" - my interests in tech/media, history/writing, and missions - rather distinct fields. But now I'm seeing God began to stitch these random pieces together.

I really found only two desires in my heart and mind. First, my dream job would be to get paid to go around (the States and the world) talking about missions - mobilizing missions, getting other people to understand and participate in this desire God has to see the nations know and glorify Him.

At the same time I want to be a wife and mother.

And then I named some other interests that I wouldn't mind making doing as a job (though perhaps not a lifelong career). I'm not sure what my journey will look like yet.

• I wouldn't be opposed to teaching history/geography/worldviews for several years and mobilizing missions in the context of a Christian high school.
  
  
• I have a passion for media and tech. Again, I'm not sure exactly was this will look like, but I feel called to use media to help mobilize missions.
  
  
• Along the same lines, I'm also passionate about using media to see the Church reclaim the arts and the power of good storytelling. Whether my involvement in this comes from my interest in writing or media/tech or simply supporting those who do this much better than I ever could, I want to be involved.
  
  
• I still think it would be cool to be a Biblical archaeologist (goes along with the inner history buff + theologian + childhood lover of all things dinosaur). But...haha yeah.
  

Realizing the solidarity of the passion in my heart was amazing. I don't think I really grasped it at the time, but having God's peace about what He has called me to do is beautiful.

Granted, I don't know how this will play out or what it will really end up looking like - still waiting for those details, but it is not as hard to wait when I know Whom I am waiting upon and the purpose for which I am waiting. As Mark Alexander wrote:

When we make God our North Star, we are guided precisely along the path He has prepared for us, even though we do not know where it leads.

Lead me, Jesus. You have my heart, my guts, everything I am.

Resolving...

So a couple of days ago this excellent quote from G.K. Chesterton was waiting in my inbox, courtesy of Christian Classics Ethereal Library - an awesome site with free online access to many of the great old texts of the Christian faith.

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven." - G.K. Chesterton

Again, like Advent, I'm loving the tradition of the Methodist church we're attending. It's not super traditional, it's pretty casual and contemporary, but there's a heritage that just isn't in nondenominational churches whose roots only reach back 20 years.

Today we talked about the Covenant Renewal service that John Wesley held every first Sunday of the new year. Within the bulletin was a bookmark quoting from Wesley's work "Directions for Renewing our Covenant with God." The short highlight was good:

"I am no longer my own, but Yours. Put me to what You will, rank me with whom You will. Put me to doing; put me to suffering. Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You, exalted for You, or brought low for You. Let me be full; let me be empty. Let me have all things; let me have nothing. I freely and heartily yield all things to Your pleasure and disposal."

But I went back and found the original 22 page document here. Having been thinking on New Year's resolutions and similar things, this stood out to me.

"And whereas I have formerly, inordinately and idolatrously let out my Affections upon the World, I do here resign my Heart to Thee that madest it; humbly protesting before thy glorious Majesty, that it is the firm resolution of my heart, and that I do unfeignedly desire grace from thee, that when thou shalt call me hereunto, I may practise this my Resolution:

- to forsake all that is dear unto me in this World, rather than turn from Thee to the ways of Sin;

- and that I will watch against all its Temptations, whether of prosperity or adversity, lest they should withdraw my heart from thee;

- beseeching thee also to help me against the temptations of Satan, to whose wicked suggestions I resolve, by the grace, never to yield.

And because my own Righteousness is but menstruous rags, I renounce all confidence therein, and acknowledge that I am of myself a hopeless, helpless, undone creature, without righteousness or strength." (formatting and emphasis mine)

There's a mouthful. I realize why they shortened the passage they chose for the bookmark, but this will give me something to chew on for a while.

"And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - You are mine and I am Yours. So be it. And the covenant which I have made on earth, let it be ratified in heaven. Amen."

Reflecting

I'm not a fan of most New Year's celebrations.

Blame the inner introvert. Or the studious over-analyzer. Or the black-and-white prophetic practical side of me. Or a character flaw of your choosing.

It just seems like all the partying seems to miss the whole point - but I guess pop culture and I have differing philosophical/theological perspectives on every major holiday - Easter, Christmas - as well as those little fun guys - Saint Patrick's Day, Hallmark's Day, etc.

(Angry aside note: while walking through Walmart on December 29, yes, only a mere four days after Christmas, I noticed THREE AISLES were dedicated to Hallmark/Valentine's decorations and candy. What would we do without the eternal stream of materialism?)

To me, New Year's is a time to reflect and contemplate and worship. It's a time to consider what God has done and rejoice in what He will do. This past year had been really rough. And I know 2009 will be a time of change and transition, and I'm not sure I'm ready. But my God is faithful.

I've made detailed resolutions in the past, but I want to be more focused this year. It is simple, yet infinitely impossible. Four sentences sum up everything.

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:29-31

May I strive for this every day of my life.