Sunday, April 6, 2008

Lab Practical Exam

It was about nine months ago when God first started pounding the idea of complete surrender, of giving up all autonomy, of daily taking up my cross, into my heart. I'd heard the concept expounded upon many times before, but it truly only got to my brain. It never permeated my heart and translated into actions and habits and how I live.

This concept of surrendering autonomy had come up multiple times since then, but this last week has brought a choice to see if I've actually gotten anything from this process. See, I've been given a situation where applying this concept becomes really necessary because I don't have too many options. It's almost like I'm in a lab practical exam and it's like: okay, did you really get this, or will you have to learn it the hard way?

On Wednesday I destroyed my ankle/leg sliding in softball practice. Fractured two bones, tore two ligaments, earned surgery this week. So my mobilty is extremely limited to non-existent. I'm dependent on other people for just about everything. And, oh yeah, my grandmother was hospitalized in ICU for respiratory failure, meaning she's pretty close to seeing Jesus. Once again, I'm anxious and worried about something completely out of my control.

So will I surrender and allow God to handle everything, the things I can control and the things I can't? Will I be still and allow His strength to be made perfect in my weakness?

Father, help me surrender. Help me pick up my cross. Help me stumble, ever so slowly, after You.

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